Shards and Ashes
by Master Isabella
Summary: Dimitri Belikov takes Tasha's offer, leaving Rose and the St. Vladimir gates behind. Rose will do anything to get him back, but from the looks of it, Dimitri is happy. So when Rose decides she is going to break away from the academy, and Lissa, she takes an offer to be guardian to a high-class family living up in the Montana mountains. But things never go as planned.
1. Chapter One

**Shards and Ashes**

**Set After "Frostbite" **

**Rated K+**

**Note: All OC's (Original Characters) in this story are my property and my imagination. These characters should not be used outside of MY story. Thank you. ~ _M. Isabella_**

* * *

**~ Chapter One ~ **

The early signs of the night fill the air, the songs of birds stopping as they retreat to their nests, and the lights of the gym overhead flicker. There's a quiet, reserved feeling this early in the night. It almost makes it enjoyable that I dragged myself out of bed for this, because I am pretty sure that a sunset would be way more beautiful than the pitch blackness with no moon in the sky.

I pass buildings, most of them giving off a sleepy vibe. I wonder just how many people are asleep right now and how many are awake. A few guardians walk the grounds, but this seems around the time that the day shift switches with the night shift. I do not bother worrying about whether I get caught or not. The best thing that could happen; them sending me back to my dorm for more time to sleep.

As I approach the gym, I see bright lights flooding through the cracks in the door, one slightly ajar. I squint my eyes and push open the huge doors, then slamming them shut when inside. Brightly-lit lights hanging overhead blur my vision for a second, but after a minute of staring directly downward, my eyes adjust to the stupid light.

"Dimitri?" I look around the gym, my eyes settling upon my trainer and fellow guardian. Quietly sitting on a bench in the bleachers, a western novel tucked into his hands, is Dimitri Belikov.

I move closer to him seeing as he did not notice me the first time. I wave my hand, but apparently I'm not doing a very good job of it. A low growl erupts from my throat and I pluck the book out his hand. Looking up, a quick look of surprise on his face, he gives me ever such a happy scowl.

"Hi," I say, dropping the wrinkled paperback on the seat next to him. I give him a big smile in return to his scowl. I cannot help but somewhat think he looks gorgeous with a scowl.

"I was at a very interesting part of my book, Rose," Dimitri says, the scowl dispersing, replaced by a stone-hard look. There's the Dimitri I know.

I shrug. "You're the one that wanted me to come this early." I start to walk towards the locker room, but turn to him for a second. "You can wait until break time to read Cowboys and Aliens."

With that, I shuffle towards the girls' locker room. It's obvious he wasn't reading such a book, but it's fun to pick at him for his love of western novels. Even though I find it incredibly sexy when a man reads.

I strip out of the clothes I am in and quickly change into my gym clothes. Loose shorts and a Nike tank top. The fabric's made out of some type of stretchy material. Easy stuff to maneuver around in. I finish by pulling my hair back and tying my sneakers before reappearing in the gym.

"Okay, one thing before we get started," I say, walking into the middle of the gymnasium. Dimitri is already settled on the large mat. He looks up at me with a questioning look, ready to answer whatever I have to say.

I take a deep breath. "Why so early?" I ask. "I know it sounds whiny, but couldn't you have waited just _a tiny bit longer_?"

Dimitri stands up a littler straighter, staring down at me. "Have you ever heard the saying, 'the early bird gets the worm?'"

"I don't want a Zen lesson, thanks very much," I say. "Anyway, what are we doing today?"

I clap my hands together, readily waiting for Dimitri to pull out a stake. I would love to try some staking, but sadly, I'm only greeted by empty hands. I give Dimitri an exasperated look. He knows exactly what I want. And still, he doesn't give it to me.

"Three laps," Dimitri says in the thick Russian accent of his. I almost want to melt then and there, but instead, I turn and start to run around the gym. I wish I could go outside and do this, but seeing as it's way too early to do so, I will just have to settle for the gym.

Three laps later, I walk over to Dimitri who is cautiously watching me, his eyes on alert. My breath is coming in rapid rasps, but it feels good to get started. I suddenly feel energized, alerted, just like Dimitri.

"Very good," he quietly observes. I watch as Dimitri walks to the center of the mat and turns to me, his black duster swiveling around his ankles. "Are you ready, Rose?"

I stretch my arms, then my legs. It takes only a few minutes, and then I am ready to face Dimitri. We take our stances. Him on offense, me on defense. I see Dimitri nod, ready to start.

I wait until Dimitri swoops in, and quickly avoid him by tumbling to the left. I hop to my feet and turn, only to see that he has gained his balance already. He comes at me again, graceful as a swan and quick as a cobra. I try and avoid him again, but I am a few seconds late. He grabs my arm and throws me to the floor, towering over me.

I roll out from under him and put a swift kick to his rib. He grunts, but I doubt it hurts him more than it does me. I try again, kicking my foot out, connection to his leg. He grabs my leg, the touch electrifying to me. Dimitri doesn't seem to notice, and he twist my leg, my entire body going with it.

I flop to the ground like a dead fish, the adrenaline momentarily leaving my system. I roll over on my back and smile up at him.

"Very good, Rose," Dimitri says. "But you still lost. But you didn't evaluate your actions, causing that to happen. If I were a Strigoi, you'd be de-"

"Yeah, yeah," I say. "I know. I'd be dead."

I stand up, my right leg screaming at me. My rib-cage also. I groan and put pressure on my stomach, hoping not to throw up. I feel good, but without food in my system, I'm pretty much all empty. It would not exactly be pleasant for either of us if I threw up acidic stuff all over the place.

"Are you okay?" Dimitri asks, a hint of concern in his voice. His eyebrows furrow, touching together and making a crease between his eyes.

"Don't worry, Comrade. I'm as good as new," I assure him.

Dimitri nods. "Well, let's-"

"Dimka!"

The voice comes suddenly and unexpected. Dimitri and I both peer at the entrance, only to see Tasha with open arms. A smile appears on the corners of Dimitri's lips, and he starts to walk towards her. I stand awkwardly in the same place, quiet.

"Tasha," Dimitri hugged Tasha. I'm surprised he actually showed public affection. "What are you doing here?"

Tasha smiled and glanced between Dimitri and me. "Someone told me you would be here." She looks towards me, an even bigger smile forming. "Rose! Oh, how are you?"

She strides over and envelopes me in a tight hug. I hug back and when she pulls away she looks at me, her scar clearly visible. I try not to look at it, but I cannot help but admire it.

"Um, I'm good," I tell her. "What about you?"

Tasha shrugs. "Fine, as always. I've been wondering how your training has been going since last time we saw each other."

"Oh," I say. "It's going well. Dimitri's a great teacher, you know."

Tasha glances over her shoulder at Dimitri. "Yes, I do know. One of the best, don't you think?"

I nod.

"Have you seen Christian lately?"

I shake my head.

"Hm," says Tasha, fixating her eyes on something in the distance. Probably Dimitri. She looks at me and continues, "if you see him anywhere, can you tell him I'm looking for him?"

I do not know if she realizes this, but it's so early at night, I will not see him for a long time. But instead of voicing my thoughts, I just simply nod. "Sure thing, Tasha."

"Well," Tasha says. "If you don't mind, I'm just going to steal Dimitri for a few seconds."

I do not have a chance to reply because as soon as Tasha's words come out of her mouth, she walks over to Dimitri and leads him to a corner of the gymnasium. I quietly observe, trying to read their mouths, but their backs turn to me. I growl and creep a little closer, catching a few whispers, but nothing in full.

I decide it's not worth spying, and go over to the bleachers, falling into one of the seats. I look over and pick up Dimitri's western novel, flipping through the pages until I'm at the end. I read the last few words over and over again until I hear echoing footsteps approach. I let the book drop in my lap as I look up at the pair.

"We'll be cutting this session short, Rose," Dimitri informs me. "Is that okay with you?"

I nod. "Yeah, totally," I say, scooping up my gym bag. Before I leave, I give Tasha a quick hug and Dimitri only nods at me. So much for a goodbye.

"See you guys around, I guess."

With that, I leave the gymnasium and travel the short distance to Lissa's dorm. By now, it's the time to start waking up and get ready for the day. School will start in just a few hours, and I want to have a quick visit with Lissa before I have to go shower and get ready myself.

I tiptoe past the guard at the front desk and creep up the stairs, careful not to be too loud. I did not want to end up waking up half the building. In a quiet manner, I tap on Lissa's door a few light times. It's a few noiseless moments before the door opens and Lissa stares at me, groggy and sleep in her eyes.

"Rose?"

"Yeah," I say. "Too early?"

"Uh, Well," Lissa glances into her dorm room at something behind her, something I can't see with the door almost completely shut. What is she hiding?

"I'm kind of busy right now, but-"

"Well, I was just going to ask you if you wanted to get some morning coffee. . . " I whisper, looking around the dorm. If I stay out in the hallway much longer, I am bound to get caught.

"Oh. . ." Lissa inhales. "I, uh, can-"

"Oh, just let her in," A voice sounds from inside the room. I narrow my eyes at Lissa, who looks slightly guilty. I shove open the door and see Christian sitting by her window, propped up only by the windowsill.

"What are _you _doing here?" I ask, anger flooding into my voice. Lissa places a hand on my shoulder, and I look at her incredulously.

"Just a visit," Christian says matter-of-fact. "Like you, I suppose."

A scowl crosses my face, and I turn to Lissa. "What the heck are you doing!" I whisper-yell at her.

Lissa shrugs and says, "we were just hanging out."

"Are you serious?" I jab an accusing finger at Christian over my shoulder. "You were _just hanging out _with _him_?"

"Rose. . ." Lissa trails off.

"Look, Lissa," I say. "I don't care if you date him, but this is the _girls _dorm. If someone found him in here, he'd be toast!"

Lissa looks at her feet, wildly blushing. A hundred emotions run through her face at once. Guilt. Embarrassment. Awkward.

I shake my head, closing my eyes, trying to focus on something other than this. "I'll see you later, Liss."

"Rose, wait!" yells Lissa. I widen my eyes at her and she clamps a hand over her mouth. She looks around for a minute. "Where are you going? You can't just leave! I have to explain!"

I open the door and start to leave, stopping in my track before I pass the door frame. I glance over at Christian, heat rising to my cheeks. "By the way, your aunt is here. And she's looking for you."

An emotion passes Christian's face, but I do not have time to see which one it is. I stride out into the hallway, my head held high, chin up, and slam the door behind me.


	2. Chapter Two

**~ Chapter Two ~**

I make my way through campus, ignoring anyone who is feeling social. I am late for class and don't feel like getting in trouble because of it. A few teachers are hanging around the grounds, yet I manage to avoid them completely. I wonder why they aren't, well, teaching. What makes getting to class even harder is every part of my body aches. Yesterday was a total mess, with Dimitri, Lissa, and all. I had decide to push all of that into the back of my mind and completely ignore them today as much as I can. Although it's hard to get rid of Dimitri since I have another training session with him. I only wish he would cancel.

Instead of worrying about class, I focus on the night sky, which is absolutely breath-taking. I guess that's one of the perks of living in the middle of Montana. The stars are visible in every direction. . . And the moon. God, that moon. If I wasn't late for class, I would sit down on the grass and throw aside everything else just to stare up at it.

It happens without me realizing what is going on. . .

Lissa's emotions tug me into her mind, something that I have yet to perfect. There are times when I can't get out of her mind, mostly when she's in jumble of feelings. And that's exactly the case. She isn't in class, which worries me. No, not in class. She's in the chapel of the church.

"Tell me why we're here?" She says, letting Christian lead her to the window.

Christian seats her in an old armchair, for which he bends down in front of her. His eyes the crystal blue eyes they always are. There's no mistaking he's an Ozera.

"Christian?" She asks, arching an eyebrow. "I have Basics of Elemental Control, like, now!"

"You don't even have an element that they know how to control. . ." He trails off with a long, lingering kiss. I am officially, totally disgusted. I try and pull myself out of her mind, but Lissa just pulls me back in.

She puts a hand on Christian's chest and pushes with barely any effort. "Christian, ple-" He kisses her again, and this time she drops her hand and begins kissing him back.

I feel everything Lissa feels. Her heart pounds, her breath is heavy, and everything inside her is in turmoil. The love for Christian is too much for her, and she gives herself over to any control she has left. They kiss again, this time harder and more powerful. I try again to get away, out of her mind. No success.

"Christian Ozera." She places a hand on his cheek as he pulls away. "I can't help but say. . . I'm in love with you."

Kill. Me. Now.

It's all I can take to not throw up while in her body. This time, when they begin to make out again, I pull myself out and back into my body.

"Ugh, Lissa," I put a hand to my head, the early signs of a headache beginning to show.

A voice behind me says, "tardy again, Miss Hathaway?"

I turn to see Headmistress Kirova. She wears her usual outfit and looks like the proper jerk she can be sometimes.

I frown. "Sorry, Headmistress Kirova. I was-"

"No, no," she says. "No excuses, please." She motions to the building behind me. "I would get a move on it."

"Right."

She looks at me for a few seconds with her eyes narrowed. "_Now_, please."

I nod and rush off to my class, which is Bodyguard Theory and Personal Protection 3. By the time I reach the room it is held in, the teacher has already started. I nod and make my way to my desk beside Eddie. He gives me a disapproving look as I sit down. Talk about serious. I sigh and sit down.

"Now," Stan Alto, the teacher, says, "as I was saying. . ."

* * *

Dimitri is late to training, so I take my stance in front of a dummy and start kicking and punching in all the right spots. Every time I hit the dummy, it slightly moves, then bounces back. They are really stable, even when I am fighting them. I stop, take a deep breath, then move on to the next one, hitting and jabbing it until I feel content with its condition.

I think about my meeting with Lissa's mind today. The very thought disgusts me, but I can't help but think about it. It was Christian and Lissa's fault that I got caught by Kirova. I mean, sure I was the one that was late, but if she hadn't sucked me into her body and made me experience things that I never wanted to. I shudder and continue with my training. I really hope by now that Lissa is in Basics of Elemental Control. Not off with Christian in a nasty old attic. If I could just shake her and make her wake up from the dream she is living in.

"Rose," Dimitri addresses me as he walks in, interrupting any further thoughts of Lissa.

I push them aside and give him a small smile. "Thought you'd never show up, Comrade."

He drops his bag on one of the benches. "Tell me again, why must you call me that?"

I shrug and we drop the subject. Dimitri picks up a Styrofoam bar, which I give him a look. "Seriously, I can beat up Styrofoam."

"We're practicing your kicks today." He says, raising the bar to a high level. When he gives me the signal, I have at it, kicking and throwing my legs out in front of me. His face shows nothing, so I don't know whether he's impressed or not.

"What?" I ask when he gives a shake of his head.

He sighs and says, "It's nothing. You're doing good."

"Doesn't seem like it," I say a little too harshly. An immediate regret on my side.

Dimitri shakes his head and puts the Styrofoam bar down, motioning for me to stop. I stop, and begin to heave heavily. The exercise was tiring, and took a lot out of me.

"Are you okay?" I ask, concerned for whatever Dimitri is dealing with. If only he weren't so closed off to me.

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"I'm _sure, _Rose," He spits at me and walks over to his bag, where he pulls out a stake.

He hands me the stake. The feel of the cold silver scares me a little. It reminds me of just a month ago, when Mason had died. It feels like such a long time, but I can't help but feel horrible. I stabilize myself against the mat.

_Concentrate, Rose. Focus on the enemy. You can't show weakness. Not now. _

I didn't exactly have an enemy. But when I practice staking, Dimitri always acted as the enemy Strigoi. He gives me a nod and I throw myself at him, spinning and jumping, getting out of the way of his grasp. He is graceful, like a swan. He turns and twists, making it harder to get a good place to jab him with. Before I know it, Dimitri grabs me and shoves me to the ground, him hovering above. I manage to get my arm loose from under me and get a good look at his heart. I do it. I hit him in the heart, the stake a bit tilted. The silver stake hovers only a few inches from the real place where I would hit a Strigoi. He nods, his eyes twinkling. I don't know what makes me do it, but I just can't help myself. . .

I kiss him.

I immediately pull away, lowering my head on to the mat. He releases me and stands, his expression hard. I sit up myself and open my mouth to say something. I know it isn't right. In fact, if we were to be together, we would be risking Lissa's life.

"I-I-I'm sorry," I mumble, stunned myself.

Dimitri shakes his head and throws the stake across the room. It makes a large _Bang _sound as it hits the gym floor. I look down at my fumbling hands. I made a mistake. One I will have to pay for probably.

"God, Rose!" He shouts. "Why do. . . Why do you have to do stuff like that!"

I stand up, brushing off my sweatpants. "I said I was sorry!" I yell back at him.

"You know we can't!" He yells. I step back and his face softens. We stand there for a few minutes. "Roza, please," he reaches his hand out, reaching for my cheek. I push his hand away and narrow my eyes.

"Don't call me that. . ."

He closes his eyes. I get ready for another Zen life lesson, but only silence feels the air.

"Something's been bothering you the entire time," I announce. "So, tell me. What's going on?"

"Rose-"

"Tell me!" I interrupt, shouting at him. "Just. . . Please, Dimitri. I want, I _need_ an answer."

He shakes his head. My trainer is utterly impossible. "I can't. . ."

"Yes you can." I touch his cheek. . . barely; softly.

Dimitri turns his head, focusing the wall in front of him. I tilt my head and step forward, placing a hand on his arm. He flinches, probably not noticing I am so close. We stand like that for a long time before he comes to his senses. His face is stone-hard.

"Dimitri, if you can fight Strigoi without breaking a sweat, you can be truthful with me," I say to him, stroking his cheek. "Please, Dimitri." I know my voice sounds pitiful, pleading, but I can't stop myself. I need to know what's going on with him.

Dimitri catches my hand in his, his head tilted downwards so he can look me straight in the eyes. I hold my breath, waiting for whatever he has to say. "Roza, you'll always be the only one that can do that to me."

I tilt my head to the side. "Do what?"

"Make me admit something I don't want to; make me break," he says.

I step closer by one step. "Just tell me, Dimitri."

He takes one deep breath. Exhale, inhale, exhale; that's his way of calming down. I wonder if his heart is racing like mine is. Just being so close to him sends electricity through my hand to the rest of my body. But I know what comes next won't be good.

"I'm leaving, Roza."


	3. Chapter Three

**~ Chapter Three ~**

I drop my hand from my place on his cheek, disbelief flooding my senses.

I stare at him, everything about him doesn't look as gorgeous, sexy, and amazing as it had just seconds ago. I know that, despite my mind's refusal to believe it, my eyes are wet; my tear ducts are going overload. I lightly push Dimitri and take a few steps back myself. Anything to get away from what he had just said. Is this real? Did Dimitri really just say something like that? _No, _I think to myself. It can't be possible. . . can it?

Dimitri closes the gap between us, reaching up to touch my chin, raising my head to look at him. I refuse to though, drooping my eyes so that I'm staring at the floor. I can't face something that feels so unreal.

"Roza," He bends down so that I have no choice but to look at him, his strong hand still propping up my chin.

"No," I say, throwing myself backwards. "Don't call me that. Please, don't ever call me that again, Dimitri. Never."

His beautiful dark eyes stare at me.

"Rose, please," he says in a soothing voice.

I can barely feel the tears dripping down my cheek, falling off my skin and on to some other surface. I furiously wipe at the stupid tears. I'm not weak. No, never have I been weak.

"Dimitri," I warn, "please, don't say anything."

"Just hear me out, Rose," he says. "You need to know-"

I shake my head. "Who?"

"What?"

"Who!" I shout at him. "Why are you leaving? For _whom _are you leaving me for?"

"I'm going to be Tasha's guardian," Dimtri whispers softly. And like that, I feel myself melt from his grasp.

"No, Dimitri," I say. "You're not just going to be her guardian. You're leaving. . . forever, maybe. What happened to you wanting to protect Lissa?"

"Rose-"

"No!" I yell, fuming. "It's _my _turn to talk. So. Yeah, you remember Lissa? The last living Dragomir? The one you always wanted to protect What happened to that, Dimitri! Did that disappear from your mind as soon as Tasha offered you that position! Isn't that true, Dimitri?"

"No, Rose," he replies. "It's not. I'm still making up my decision. Lissa needs protection, and you're the one for it. I know that she _needs_ you. You doesn't need me, Rose. She never has. Only you. You're bonded to her, with her. I'm not, and as much as you might want to deny the inevitable, you have to be her guardian. But me? I'm not like that; it's not about me. It's about Lissa and you."

"Don't you dare bring that crap about Lissa and I being bonded into this, Belikov!" I shout. "This isn't about her. No, it's about _you_. You and your decision to _leave everything behind_."

"You'll understand one day, Rose."

"I understand now," I fume. "It's all clear now. Just go, Dimitri. Leave me, okay? Take the offer. See if I care."

"Rose!" He yells, but he doesn't have a chance at catching me before I turn on my heel and storm out of the gym. I don't care anymore. I don't care if Dimitri leave. Who cares anymore?

I hear Dimitri scream my name once more as I run through down the path to my dorm. I brush away the tears that now soak my face. I hate my tear ducts for that, for letting me cry however many tears I have. It's ridiculous, how childish I may seem. But this involves me, Dimitri, and Tasha. Dimitri told me something that just broke my heart, and it stings every time I think about the words that he so easily said.

I think that over and over, rolling it around in my mind.

Footsteps pace behind me. If it's him. . .

I turn around and slap the crap out of the guy behind me. The face I just slapped looks completely startled, stunned.

"What the-" he holds his hand up to his red cheek and yells, "what the heck, Rose!"

Christian Ozera. Figures.

I wipe away any remaining tears. I don't care if I cry. As long as it's not in front of Christian; him of all people. "Oh, sorry. . . I'm. . . sort of in a rush right now."

"So you just go around slapping everyone?" He shouts at me.

"Just shut up, Christian." I whisper lowly, rolling my eyes.

"Rose," Christian says, suddenly noticing my crumbling appearance. "What's wrong with you?"

"Lots of things." I realize something, and narrow my eyes. "Why are you creeping up behind people, anyways?"

"Oh, please," Christian waves his hand. "That wasn't even me _trying _to be sneaky. If I had been, you wouldn't have noticed me."

"Whatever. What do you want, Christian?"

"Forget it, Hathaway," Christian says. "I have nothing to say to you now."

"That's the best thing you've said all week," I mutter, crossing my arms over my chest and shaking my head so my hair falls over my face. Even though I've long since stopped crying by now, I'm sure my face is still red.

"Rose, are you okay?" Christian asks, sounding sincere. Almost concerned in a way.

"Yes, I'm fine." I say. ". . . . Thanks."

"Yeah, well, it's the least I can do."

I start to drift off, thinking about something. I look behind Christian's shoulder at the lights of the gym. I feel beside me and curse under my breath. "Crap, I forgot my gym bag."

"Are you even listening to me?"

I shake my head. "No not really."

Exasperated, Christian turns away from me and starts walking the direction of the gym. It takes me a minute to realize what he is doing.

"Don't go in there," I say and run to catch him. He walks at a steady pace, and it's easy for me to do the same.

Christian raises an eyebrow and says, "why not?"

I bite my lip. "Just don't. . . don't go through the trouble. I'll get it later."

Christian sighs. "Well, next time I see you, you better have gotten it."

"I will, Christian," I reassure him. "I'll get it when I have the time."

"You don't have the time now?"

I shake my head. "Not particularly."

"Okay," Christian says and we stand in silence for a minute. I'm startled when Christian suddenly and unexpectedly breaks into a run, towards the gym.

"Christian, no!" I yell, running after him. Before I can catch him, he bursts open the door to the gym and disappears inside. I give an exasperated sigh, out of breath and tired beyond belief.

Christian comes back a few minutes later, shoving a gym bag, my gym bag, into my open hand. I look up to see Christian walk away with an annoyed, but pride-filled look on his face. I huff and catch up to him.

"Was anybody in there?" I ask, curious to see if Dimitri is still lingering in there.

"Heck if I know," he replies. "I just grabbed the bag and got out of there."

I give a low scowl. "Don't you think it would have been nice to at least check?"

He shrugs. "Not my problem."

"If Strigoi would have been in there, it _would _have been your problem," I point out.

"Whatever," Christian mumbles and walks in the opposite direction of where I'm going.

"Hey, Christian!" I yell after him. When he turns, I say, "tell Lissa I said hey."

He nods. "Sure thing, Hathaway. I'll tell her everything."

By the time he says that, I'm turned around and walking back to my dorm. I swivel on my heel and stare at him icredulously. "You most certainly will not!"

"You're not my mother," Christian says, and for a second a pained expression flashes across his face. I know exactly why. His parents had turned Strigoi willingly, and he had experienced that tramautic event. I wonder what it's like to have someone you love so much turn into a blood-sucking, murdering monster.

"Besides," Christian adds, "you need help."

"I do not." I spit at him a little too defensively.

He sighs. "Tell that to your tear-stained face, Rose."

"Oh, whatever!" I yell at him.

As he turns away and starts to walk, whistling a catchy tune, he looks over his shoulder and, with a wink, says, "get over yourself, Hathaway."

"Get over the fact that you think you can boss me around," I tell him all the same.

* * *

I play around with my bow-tie pasta. I don't exactly know the real name of the type of noodles, but bow-ties seem really close, I think. Lissa glances at me on several occasions. I really think she is trying to read my mind. I shove the tray away from me and let my head fall into my arms.

"Rose?" Lissa's voice is small, probably misunderstanding what's going on with me. I doubt anyone knows what I'm going through, except for Dimitri.

"Leave it alone, Lissa," I mutter.

"Okay," she doesn't push for answers, and I'm grateful for that.

I look up at her, pushing my plate into the middle of the table; I'm done. "Well, you need to eat. . . drink. . . . whatever you vampires say."

"Don't say the V word, please." She looks up at me and my expression that shows concern, worry. Lissa shakes her head and whispers, "besides, I'm not hungry."

"Yes you are," I watch her eyes reach mine, giving her a small, reassuring smile. "You'll be starving by the time dinner comes around."

"I believe," says Lissa, "that I am satisfied with the amount of blood I drank this morning."

With everything going on in Rose-world, I really don't feel like dealing with this now. Especially since I know that Dimitri is one of the guardians lining the walls. I don't dare look around, knowing that he is probably watching me right back. Truthfully, I want _nothing _to do with him today, or tomorrow, or even next week. I might not even show up at practice today.

"There are starving vampires all over the world," I say. "And I don't want you, Lissa Dragomir, to be one of them."

Lissa crosses her arms and sticks her nose in the air. "You said it yourself. You said my name. I am a Moroi princess and you _can't _make me eat anything!"

I growl and say, "don't play that Moroi princess crap on me."

And even then Lissa doesn't budge.

"Lissa, please," I beg.

"I'm not hungry, Rose," says Lissa.

"Well you must eat _something_. Otherwise you'll go crazy wild. And we wouldn't want that, would we, Rose?"

My entire body tenses. That voice wasn't mine; it was Tasha Ozera's.


	4. Chapter Four

**~ Chapter Four ~**

"Tasha!" Lissa jumps up from her seat and throws her arms around Christian's aunt. She gives a smile as Lissa pulls away, just as excited as Tasha is.

Tasha laughs and says, "it's so good to see you again, Lissa." She glances in my direction and adds, "Rose, so lovely to see you too. How is guardian training coming along?"

"Same old, same old," I mutter and stand from my seat. I wonder if she knows that Dimitri told me. From the looks of it, it's possible he didn't tell her.

Once Tasha and Lissa are both done hugging and exchanging hello's, Tasha looks between the two of us, a big grin tugging at the corners of her lips. I stare and admire the natural beauty she has, the long scar on the side of her face. I scold myself for thinking like that. She's taking Dimitri away from me. We can't be friends or allies.

"Have either of you seen my mischievous nephew?" She asks.

Lissa frowns. "Not since yesterday morning."

Tasha notices I don't say anything and raises her head at me, her eyes scanning my face.

"Rose," Tasha announces my name. "What about you?

I shrug, my hands balling into fist. _Drop it, Rose_, I say to myself, and reply to Tash's question with, "yesterday night. We had a small exchange."

Lissa raises an eyebrow, asking for an answer to an unsaid question. Though the bond, I hear Lissa say, _we'll talk later__. _I give a slight nod in her direction, not enough for Tasha to notice though.

"Look, I need to go," I jab a thumb to the direction of the doors. "Lissa, eat something. Please."

"Wait, Rose," Lissa grabs my arm and pulls me back. In a low whisper, she asks me, "are you okay?"

I pat Lissa's hand. "Yes, Liss. Don't worry 'bout me. I'm fine."

"Okay," she says, a flash of concern crossing her face. I really hope she doesn't drive herself crazy worrying about me.

I turn to go, but quickly stop when I hear Tasha's approaching footsteps.

"Rose, wait," Tasha's voice rings out. I swivel on my heel and face her. "I heard that the ice is still a bit frozen. Maybe we can go ice-skating one of these boring old school days?"

Excitement fills Lissa's face. "Oh my God! That would be awesome! Rose-" She looks at me. "What do you think?"

I give a big, fake smile. I try to play up to Lissa's excitement, but it fails miserably. "Maybe. We'll have to see, you know."

"Great!" Tasha gives me a sincere smile, and I can't help but smile back.

I turn to leave, this time without anyone stopping me. Outside, the cold night air sends a chills down my spine. I shudder even though I'm not that cold. I take a mental note to bring a jacket next time I go out.

* * *

The cool shower water runs down my back, giving the chilly feeling of a cold morning. I turn the nozzle and step out of the shower, reaching for a towel. I wrap it around my bruised body. Why did I have to get so beat up when training?

Someone knocks on the door.

"Be there in a sec!" I say, rushing into my dorm and grabbing a pair of jeans and a cute black blouse. I slip them on with the rest of the casualties before opening the door. For a second, I'm hopeful it's Adrian or Lissa, or even Christian. No such thing happens.

It's Dimitri.

I clear my throat and say, "Dimitri, hi."

"Can I come in?" He asks, looking around the room. I nod and step out of the way, letting Dimitri inside. He steps in and takes a seat on the edge of my bed. He must think it a risk, because he moves to my desk chair instead.

I close the door behind me and sit down opposite of him, on the bed. We sit in a comfortable silence that wraps around us. The more we sit like that, the tenser the friction between us becomes, and it gets harder to be quiet.

I run a hand through my damp hair. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Rose," Dimitri says, "you know exactly what I want to talk about.

I sigh. "Okay, let's talk then."

"I'm doing this for a reason, Rose," Dimitri says. "It's better that we have seperate charges. Lissa belongs as your charge, and I'll take whatever I can find."

"Lissa doesn't belong to me," I point out. "Besides, I might not even end up as Lissa's guardian. If you haven't noticed, my slate isn't the cleanest."

He seems to be fighting himself, because he keeps putting on a tough expression. "Rose, I don't want you to be angry."

"I'm not," I explain. "Look, do what you have to. I don't care anymore."

"Yes you do," he replies. "You _do _care. You just won't admit it."

I bite my bottom lip and turn away, slipping off the bed and on to the cold floor. . . Why does this happen to me?

"It's so easy for you to leave," I voice my thoughts. "How is that possible? After what we've been through together. Dimitri, I loved you, and you loved me." I gulp down the huge lump in my throat. "Why is it so easy for you to leave me?"

"Roza," I don't bother reminding him that I told him not to call me that anymore. Dimitri sits beside me on the floor, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. Warmth spreads throughout that area. "Please, you need to forgive me."

"Why?" I ask icily. "Will it make it easier on you?"

"It's not about me," he replies coolly.

"I know," I say. "To you, it's about Lissa, Tasha, and everyone else _but _us."

"Rose," He says sternly. "I've always loved you, I still do. But this offer. . . It comes once in a lifetime. I'm a dhampir, I must protect the Moroi from the enemies that want to harm them. Don't you see?"

"You can protect Lissa," I whisper, cupping my hands in my lap.

He shakes his head. "That's your job, for you to do. I don't have the bond with her."

"That's a pitiful excuse."

Dimitri sighs. "Perhaps it is," he says. "But I want you to be her guardian."

I don't know what gets into me, but I slap Dimitri hard across the right side of his face. "I hope that hurt, Dimitri Belikov."

"It did," he replies a simple answer.

"Good," I nod my head, satisfied. "How long?"

"Hm?" He looks up at me and stares into my eyes. I think about the kisses we've shared, the moments that have affected me so much. I break the gaze and look down at his lips.

"I don't know," he whispers. "It won't be permanent. I don't think it will be."

"Do you promise?" I ask, glancing up at him.

Dimitri takes a deep breath and says, "I promise, Rose."

I put my face in my hands and exhale a deep, long sigh. It's all I can do not to let tears fall down my face. I look up at Dimitri. I've loved him for so long. So, so long. Everything about him, inside and out. His gorgeous face and eyes, his dark-colored hair - almost chocolate brown - and his perfect lips. His Russian accent that I want to melt to so many times, and everything else about him. His protective guardian side, the tough wall that he puts up that only I can break through. I feel myself crumbling a little bit more. I reach up and stroke Dimitri cheeks, pulling him into a long and lingering kiss. He kisses me back, and that electricity shudders through me. I stroke his cheek with my thumb, exploring past his cheek and wrapping my arm around his neck, pulling him deeper and deeper into a kiss. The kiss intensifies and I feel Dimitri clasp my back, his strong hands keeping me steady.

"No," Dimitri breaks away from me, both of us breathing heavily. "Rose, no. Please no."

I gaze at him and reach out to touch him. He grabs my hand and studies it, and then plants a soft, gentle kiss on it.

"One time, Dimitri," I plead. I'm pitiful, exposed; it saddens me how much he can make me break. "Just one more time, Dimitri."

I pull him into another kiss, and this one last much longer. His hand runs up my back and into my hair, stroking the long strands of the hair he loves so much. I wrap my arms around his neck, planting small kisses on his cheek, his temple, and then his forehead.

"Roza," I hear him whisper. "Sweet Roza."

I return my lips to his, and we kiss for another intense, electrifying, beautiful moment of ours. I don't ever want to stop, just to stay in this moment forever, never for it to end.

Dimitri drops his head on to my chest, and I feel him breathe heavily. I wrap my arms around him, comforting him as best I can.

"I-I love you, Dimitri," I whisper into his ear, stroking his small-bone as he sits there, taking comfort in the closeness of our bodies.

Dimitri lifts his head so that he's gazing into my eyes. He studies my face, and one of those rare smiles appear on his face. He pulls me into another kiss, and when we break apart, he says, "I love you too, Roza."

We sit like that for a long time, holding each other, kissing every so often, and savoring every second that we can. I know that by tomorrow, he'll be back to his normal self. It will be like none of this ever happened.

"Is this it, Dimitri?" I ask him, my voice low.

"Hm?" Dimitri mumbles, his face buried in my neck.

"Is this it?" I repeat, my voice breaking.

Dimitri cups my face in his large hands, staring at me intensely as if trying to remember every single part of my face. "Only if you want it to be."

I touch Dimitri's cheek again, trailing my fingers over his lips that I've kissed so many times. I study him, and finally smile, realizing what I want.

"I don't ever want this to be the end," I tell him, and before he can reply, I pull him into a passionate kiss. His hand brushes against my neck, happily kissing me for probably the last time.

When we stop kissing to catch our breaths, I whisper to no one in particular, "I don't ever want this to end."


	5. Chapter Five

I wake up the next morning (well, night) with a fresh start on everything. All the thoughts of last night rushing back to me. I sigh happily, running my fingers over my top lip, then my bottom. It's all okay, for however long I want it to be. Dimitri and I had both weakened each other, and in the end, we had sat in my room for hours, talking and kissing, not going any farther. The lingering feelings of love, passion, and a burning desire to keep Dimitri as mine for as long as I can.

"Rose," someone knocks on my door. "It's Lissa!"

I drag out of bed, looking at the spot by my bed - on the floor - where Dimitri and I had shared one of most special moments. I pull on a sweat-shirt and prance over to the door, opening the door. Lissa slides right by me and looks at me with a big smile.

"You need to get ready, Rose," Lissa says.

"Er, why?" I ask, curious for what Lissa's going to make me do now.

"Well, we're going shopping this afternoon," Lissa explains. "And you are so definitely going with me."

I groan and say, "Lissa, please. Not today."

"You have exactly one hour to get ready," Lissa says to me. As she turns to leave my dorm room, she looks behind her and says, "don't be late!"

* * *

I decide to dress in jeans a cashmere sweater. I leave my hair down, chocolate curls falling down my back.

"This is going to be so much fun," Lissa says excitedly. She dresses in white jeans and a pink blouse, her platinum hair falling in waves down her back.

"Yeah, I think it will be," I say, joining in with the excitement. Nothing should go wrong today, absolutely nothing. I put all the drama with Dimitri and Tasha in the back of my head, promising not to think about it.

Lissa and I walk together towards the front gates of the academy, where Lissa told me that Adrian would be waiting with a car.

"So, who's all coming?" I ask, applying a layer of lipstick on my lips as we stroll through the grounds.

"Uh, well, let's see," Lissa bites her bottom lip. "You, me, Christian-" she uses her fingers to count off each of us. "-and Adrian. Are we missing anyone?"

"Eddie," I say, hoping he'll be there.

Lissa sighs. "How could I forget," she says, exasperated.

I link my arm through hers. "Don't worry, Liss."

Lissa nods, probably mad at herself because she forgot one of our friends. A long silence drags out between us. I don't blame her, though. If I had to make a list of people to bring, I'd probably forget someone. . . on accident or on purpose, you never know.

"We'll see," Lissa says. I agree, and we walk the rest of the way to the front gates of the academy.

I finally speak up, breaking the long silence that has fallen over us. "Will Dimitri be there?"

"He should be," says Lissa. "He's my guardian, after all."

"Well, if he doesn't show, remember I'll protect you," I say, and we link our arms together.

We walk up to the front gates where Adrian waits. Behind him, two black SUV's sit silently, the engines off. I lead Lissa to the one where Adrian is, leaning on the passenger door, a cigarette in between his fingers.

"Why hello, little dhampir," Adrian says, the scent of cigarette and acholol in his breath. I thank the Lord he's not driving.

I nod my head. "Hey, Adrian."

"So, who's riding with who?" Lissa asks.

"I really don't know-" I begin to say, but Adrian cuts me off.

"Well, since I feel you _must _be in the protective arms of I, Adrian Ivashkov, you and Lissa will be riding with me."

"Okay. So Christian and I are riding together?" Lissa asks. "I sort of wanted to ride with both of them, but. . . "

Adrian sighs. "Perhaps Rose and I can have the car to ourselves." He winks at me. "How 'bout it, little dhampir? Me, you, a bottle of champagne. I think-"

"No."

"I'm quite charm-"

"No."

"You know I _can _be very seductive-"

"Not really."

"I can use compuls-"

"Absolutely not."

"I do what I wa-"

"No."

"Let me finish my sentences!" He shouts, throwing his cigarette bud on the ground and stomping on it. "Why are you so complicated? What the he-"

"Oh, Adrian."

"Argh!" Adrian storms over to the car and scoots in, slamming the passenger door and leaving Lissa and I to laugh our heads off.

An arm falls over Lissa's shoulder. "What in God's name is so funny?" Christian asks with a smirk on his face. I tense a bit and search around for Tasha. She's not coming, though, I realize.

Lissa shakes her head. "Nothing," she spares me a look before pulling Christian into a kiss. It reminds me of last night, when both mine and Dimitri's walls had fallen and crumbled, leaving us exposed to our feelings and deepest desires.

"Where's Tasha?" Lissa asks; a question I really want an answer to.

Christian shrugs. "She sadly declined. I guess she had more important things to do."

"Hmm," I purr. "Interesting. I wonder what those reasons are."

Christian and Lissa flash me a look and I leave them to lovers' paradise. I slide in next to Adrian, who is quietly watching ahead of him. It's very possible he is angry at me. Before I climb into the car, I look around for any signs of Dimitri. Nope, none. I get into the back seat with Adrian and shut the door beside me. I look over at Adrian.

"Adrian?" I ask quietly, trying to rid my nose of the disgusting smell of clove cigarettes. _God, does he bathe in those things?_

"Hm?" He asks back, slightly raising an eyebrow.

I huff. "You okay?

"That's a question I should be asking you, little dhampir."

I nod. "Perhaps."

The car shudders to a start and all signs of conversation disappear. The black SUV drives slowly through the Montana roads. I glance over at Adrian who is so soaked up in the views of the mountain that he doesn't even notice my staring. I lean back in my chair and close my eyes.

* * *

Someone pokes me in the cheek. My reflexes immediately go on and I swipe in front of me.

"Ow!" A familiar voice yells. I open my eyes and see Christian holding a hand to his cheek. He glares at me. "How many times are you going to do that to me?"

I shrug. "You should stop sneaking up on me. . ."

"You were asleep!" He says exasperated.

"Not my fault," I say with a shrug.

"All right, Christian," Lissa says behind Christian. "I desperately want to do some shopping with Rose so if you don't mind."

Lissa yanks me out of my seat and pulls me towards the entrance of the mall. Christian trails behind, watching as Lissa and I make our way through the mall, stopping at every store to window-shop.

Lissa points to a pretty pink blouse. "That's cute."

I nod and tug her forward. We walk into the store and search for the top. I take the right wall, she takes the left wall. We meet in the middle.

"None in my size," Lissa announces sadly.

We walk out and continue making our way through each and every store. I take an hour to browse through Hot Topic which, for Lissa, isn't her favorite store. After picking out some shirts and pants, I check out and leave.

"Don't you have _enough _clothes already?" Christian asks, bored out of his mind.

Lissa twirls around and says, "a girl can never have enough clothes, Christian. Am I right, Rose?"

I nod and say, "she's right. No arguing with that."

The Dragomir princess plants a kiss on Christian's cheek and turns, linking her arm with mine.

She sighs after a while of ooh-ing and aah-ing at clothing items and jewelry. "I sort of wanted to buy a dress today."

"That'd be nice," I think out loud.

She laughs. "Maybe next time. We have too many dresses already."

"I highly doubt it."

"Rose," Lissa says, sighing. "Why must Moroi be so agitated by the sun?"

I watch shoppers flit by, heavy bags dragging down on their arms. "Hm. . . Maybe 'cause you're a vamp-"

"Don't say that word!" Lissa punches me playfully on the arm.

I laugh. "Okay, sure."

"Hey, Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"I think you should go out with Adrian," Lissa says.

"Whoa!" I turn towards her. "Where did that come from?"

She shrugs, her eyes glancing over at Adrian. He seems to be in his own little world. I watch as he scans the crowd, the stores, the humans. He seems interested in all of it, and when his eyes lock with mine, I quickly turn away. I face Lissa once again, pondering the thought. I could never be with Adrian. Besides, my love life is a big mess right now, anyways. I don't need even more guy trouble.

"Come on, Rose," Lissa pleads. "He's not that bad. I mean, look at the guy!"

I glance over at Adrian again. "Yes, Liss. He's cute, but I'm not interested."

Lissa frowns. "Rose, are you. . . still mourning over Mason?"

I turn away abruptly. "No, don't talk about that. It's. . . it's nothing, Lissa. Just drop it, okay?"

I know that by the look in her eyes, she doesn't want to drop it, but she does anyways. "Okay, Rose. Sorry."

After that, we decide we're done for the day, and head back with Adrian, Christian, and the guardians. Adrian and I pack ourselves into the first car with Christian and Lissa in the one behind us. The drive takes for what seems to be forever before we arrive back at the academy. We all pile out of the SUVs and I see Lissa running towards me.

"There's going to be a party in the cafeteria," she squeals, thrilled.

I raise an eyebrow. "Is it someone's birthday?"

"No," Lissa answers.

"Then what?" Adrian says, butting in to the conversation from behind me.

"I don't know. . . just a party, I guess," Lissa replies giddily.

I see the enlivened look on Lissa's face; she's so excited. I can't help but feel the same. After all, a party sounds great. It's somewhere where we can have fun and be care-free for just a little while. A big grin breaks out on my face. Lissa's excitement is contagious.

"A party sounds great," I say.

"I agree," Adrian says.


	6. Chapter Six

**~ Chapter Six ~**

I decide to dress in all black, a tight, short dress that shows off my curves perfectly. I wear my hair down, a bundle of chocolate brown curls that roll down my back and shoulders. Add a pair of glittering black heels, and I'm complete, almost perfection.

Lissa and I walk into the gym, which has been transformed into a beautiful party. Black and white streamers hang from the ceiling, a few on the floor. From the basketball hoops, there are now little diamonds dangling from them, the low lights jumping off of them, creating a thousand little specks of light on the ground. The stands are decorated with black and white seat cushions, and of course there's a long table shoved against a wall, food covering the white place-mat. To make it seem even more

The gym, being the usual not-fun-smells-like-socks sort of place, has been transformed into a beautiful formal party. Black and white streamers hang from the ceiling, yet a few still manage to fall to the ground. Either that or some jerk was pulling them down. Whoever planned the party must be creative, because little dangling diamonds (Fake, obviously) hang from every edge of something. Whether it be basketball hoops, doorways, or anywhere else, it still looks wonderfully beautiful, casting little dancing lights upon the floor.

"Wow," Lissa and I gap at the party. It's gorgeous. I look over at Lissa who's staring at every little thing. She wears a dark violet dress that's shimmery, almost like diamonds are blinking off the side of her dress. The sleeves are short, only reaching to her shoulder. Her hair is worn down, like mine, platinum and shimmering and straight. She's the perfect example of a picture of an angel.

One stand, on the right side, has little black and white cushions for anyone who wants to sit down. Of course, the theme must be black-and-white. Either that, or someone _really _likes chess. Lissa is dazzled, her eyes wondering around the entire room.

As we walk deeper into the gym-turned-party, we pass a few more excited Moroi's and dhampirs, all dressed up for the occasion. Some wave at us, some give us nasty looks. I guess Lissa and I are bound to have enemies.

I see Christian heading towards us, so I spin Lissa to face me.

"Be careful," I warn. "Okay?"

She nods, a little annoyed at me being protective. "It's all right, Rose. It's just a party."

"Last time when it was _just a party_, you almost died." I know it stings, but she needs to know the truth.

Lissa places hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry. I'll be extra careful." Christian comes up beside her. "Besides, Victor's in jail now." I know how much it hurts her to say his name.

As she is whisked away by Christian, I murmur, "Doesn't mean there's not others like him."

"Little dhampir, I do believe you owe me a dance," Adrian's voice sounds behind me. I turn.

"What makes you think that?" I say.

He lights a cigarette. "What doesn't make me think that?"

Okay, now I'm confused. "What?"

"Let's dance." Adrian grabs my arm and leads me to the dance floor. I hesitate as he pulls me in with him, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Aren't you going to sway with me?" He slurs, the cigarette in his mouth making his words come out wrong.

"Yeah, I guess." Adrian spins me and wraps his arms around me again.

Someone behind me clears their throat, but I'm too wrapped up in the sweet music to notice. Adrian's arms slip off my waist and I'm suddenly in someone else's arms. They are strong, muscled arms. I open my eyes and see=

"Dimitri," I murmur.

"Hello, Rose," he greets me with no emotion in his voice, back to his normal, guardian self.

"W-what?" I whisper, inaudible to the ones around us.

His brown eyes stare intently at me. I feel as if I could dive into them and never leave. God, he's gorgeous, I think to myself, gazing at his face, the lips that I had intensely kissed just last night. It takes me a minute to respond back. I feel a sting that he doesn't act like the Dimitri he was last night - with me. All those intense feelings, all the burning passion, has disappeared from his eyes. The Dimitri I saw last night is gone. For how long? I have no idea.

"Hi, Dimitri," I nod at him.

"You like dancing, right?" Dimitri asks, his accent thick. It makes me want to melt right then and there.

I nod. "If I didn't, I wouldn't be here right now."

"Good," he says. "This will last a while."

I can't help but think about the Dimitri I was with last night. The one where, for just a few hours, I had broken down barriers and walls to seek out that love and passion he felt for me. He's gone, not that I don't mind. Dimitri isn't easy to break through to. That's one of the reasons I love him so much. I shudder, thinking about last night, the way his lips felt against mine, his hand against my back, my neck, running through my hair-

"This is about last night, Rose," all my thoughts come to a screeching halt as Dimitri says that.

I gulp and reply with, "what do you mean?"

"It should have never happened, Rose," he says. "You know that. You understand that, right?"

"Yes," I say. "But. . . Dimitri, it's fine. We don't have to talk about that."

"None of that should ever have happened," Dimitri says more to himself than to me. It's like he's trying to convince himself; not me.

"We need to forget about it," he says.

"Do. . . do you want to forget?" I ask, scared of what he might say.

"No, Roza," he pulls a strand of my hair behind my ear. "I don't ever want to forget."

The sudden affection startles me. Especially in public. I look down, away from those gorgeous eyes. _What am I doing to myself?_

"I don't want you to leave if we're on bad terms," I blurt out, scolding myself for that.

"Don't worry," Dimitri says. I'm still pondering the fact that he's dancing with me in public. "We're on good terms, Rose."

"Okay," I whisper as I sway to the music. "Dimitri?"

"Yes?" He asks.

Tell me something I don't know."

"Okay," he whispers. I look up to see his eyes closed, thinking what he should say. "I don't believe it will be permanent."

I spark of hope flutters inside me. "Really?"

"I think so," he says.

"What do you mean it's not permanent?"

He inhales deeply, then exhales and says, "it won't be permanent unless I choose to stay and become Tasha's permanent guardian."

"Interesting," I say.

"Yes, Rose. It is interesting," he tells me. "I'll make my decision one of these days."

"You'll keep me in mind when you make that decision, right?" I ask.

"Of course I will," he answers. It makes me feel a little better. Not much. Just a little.

"Not permanent, huh?"

"Not that I know of."

I feel relieved, happy. Knowing that Dimitri might come back feels me with an inevitable hope; it's undeniable that I'm still in love with him. I decide, after much thought, that I want to soak up everything I can while I still can. I stare at Dimitri, taking in the gorgeous view. First his long brown hair, then his chocolate eyes so deep I could get lost in them, and then his lips, which I have kissed many times before.

"Okay," I say, feeling satisfaction at the picture I have carved into my mind. I see, when I think about Dimitri, the love he has in him, the rare smile I see sometimes, and his kick-butt God status. It all feels right. At least for now.

I lean my head on his shoulder, in which he returns the affection by wrapping his arms tightly around me. So tight that it feels good, so good. Nothing. . . No one in this world could replace the feelings I have for this man.

It's probably the fourth song we have danced to. Since then, Adrian has disappeared, probably off flirting with someone. All four songs have been slow or medium-paced. It was definitely strange, but I didn't care. It felt good just being in his arms.

"Dimka!"

I feel Dimitri tense, his body going rigid. The same happens for me, and all signs of connection between us just break into a million tiny pieces. I turn and see Tasha strolling towards us. Something inside me crinkles, like paper I guess I could say. I didn't hate Tasha. Maybe I'm angry at her. But hate is too strong a word.

"Hello, Tasha," Dimitri says.

"Tasha, hi," I say.

She glances between Dimitri and I. I wonder if she thinks there's something going on. I don't want suspicion of my relationship with Dimitri, or his with me. I take cool breaths to collect myself, breaking apart from Dimitri as the fifth song begins to play.

Tasha clears her throat. "Dimitri, I know this is a bad time. But we have things to attend to."

"I already know!" I say, putting my hands on my hips. "You don't have to keep it a secret anymore."

"So, he told you?" Tasha asks.

"Yeah," I say. "Don't hide it anymore though, Tasha. He told me, and so now I know everything."

"We were going to tell people later," Tasha says, a tinge of accusation in her voice.

"Tasha, please." Dimitri says.

"I didn't want anyone knowing until the day we left. Only the other guardians should know," Tasha turns to Dimitri.

"What's wrong with letting other people know?" I ask.

Dimitri looks down at me, his grip on me loosening. I didn't even notice that his hand was still placed on my hip. I take another step back so we're not touching at all.

"I don't know," Tasha says. "We just weren't. . ."

"Oh," I whisper. "Well, not everyone knows. Just me, you, and Dimitri. And the guardians, right?"

"Yes," Tasha says. "Dimitri and I were clear on the fact that we weren't going to tell anyone until it was the right time."

I think about it for a long time. Tasha didn't want to tell anyone until last minute. Maybe so that no one could talk Dimitri out of it. I glance over at Dimitri, his eyes boring holes into me. I narrow my eyes, something that would have been wrong minutes ago. Love. Passion. Desire. Anger. Sorrow. Sadness. It all comes boiling to the top. Everything I've ever felt in my life, whether good or bad, brings me to the top. I have a feeling that spirit's side-affect has something to do with this, but I do it anyway.

I punch Tasha Ozera.

* * *

My punch was square in the jaw of Tasha.

The dancing crowd forms a perfect circle around us. Ooh's and aah's and gasps fill the air. _Oh God, what have I done?_ I step aside as Dimitri makes his way to Tasha. Blood leaks from her nose, and broken skin on her chin. She looks up at me stares at me wildly. To her, I probably am wild; out of control, maybe. I hear Kirova's voice screaming at people to move out of the way. For a moment, Dimitri's eyes meet mine and I understand immediately. I turn on my heel and push through the crowd, ignoring the looks of the people surrounding me. I run to the gym doors leading outside and slam it behind me.

"Well, well, little dhampir," I scream and turn to see Adrian.

I put a hand to my heart and say, "don't scare me like that!"

He shrugs and walks towards me. Before, he was leaning against the wall. "I didn't know I scared you."

I roll my eyes. "Of course you didn't."

I stare at Adrian for a minute, taking in his appearance. He doesn't seem very drunk. Hopefully he's laying off the liquor. I'm very hopeful he is.

"Wait," I say, unsure of what I'm thinking. "Why are you out here?"

Adrian raises an eyebrow. "Well, I heard some excitement of Tasha Ozera getting punched." He gives me the Adrian look. "And thought I needed a smoke."

He pulls out a pack of cigarettes from his suit jacket pocket. He pulls out a single one and begins to put it back. I hate when he smokes those stupid Clove-scented cigarettes.

"Wait," I raise my hand. "Can I have one?"

Adrian raises an eyebrow suspiciously. I try to pull it off casually and sigh, rolling my eyes. "Please?"

This convinces him, and he hands me the pack. I take a step back and chunk it. The pack goes flying over the courtyards. All the while, Adrian stares in disbelief, his mouth gaping. 'Bout time I get rid of those darn things.

"What'd you do that for!" He yells.

I shrug. "That was much needed. Thanks, Adrian," I pat him on the shoulder and walk back inside, leaving him to stare into the distance and wonder where his cigarettes went.

Truthfully, it was much needed. I feel a little bad for doing that, but I hate when he smokes. And it helped blow off some steam. Although, it's nice to know it will take him a while to get another pack, so it all works out.

_Eh, he'll get over it. _I think to myself.

The party seems to have gone down-hill. From the corner of my eye I see Kirova, Dimitri, and Dr. Olendzski with Tasha, who are all sitting in the stands on a cushion make-shift bed. Dimitri spots me as soon as I walk in and seems to say 'Why did you come back?'. I rip my gaze from him and scan the crowd.

_ Lissa, where have you gone? _

I need to find Lissa. And then I need to get out of here.


	7. Chapter Seven

Lissa must be far gone, because I search the entire party without any signs of her or Christian. If anything, she probably went to the Chapel. I want to confirm my assumption, but just then I see Dimitri walking towards me. I take a deep breath, and walk up to him. My surroundings are a blur, really. I don't pay attention to anything except what's in front of me. And that's Dimitri. We reach each other a few feet from the dancing crowd.

"Dimitri, what is it?" I ask him, laying a hand on his arm. He has a stern expression on his face, which scares me a little.

"Get out before they figure out it's you," he tells me. "I'll tell them you left with Lissa a long time ago. Got it?"

"What about Tasha?" I question.

He shakes his head. "I'll take care of it. Right now, you're my priority," A spark of love blazes inside of me. "So get out while you can."

"I'm sorry we couldn't have a longer time together," I manage to say. "Before you leave, I just-"

"I'll come by your dorm later. For now, just get out. Now."

I nod and turn away from Dimitri, walking outside. Adrian is gone and so is anyone else walking around the campus. I bet my life they heard about Tasha Ozera and are probably doing some sort of thing to help her. I wonder if Tasha will be taken to the infirmary. Something deep inside me feels really bad, and guilty, that I did something like that to someone I know and trust. I

I think about what Dimitri said, about coming to see me later. I don't know when or even if he will come, but I want to be there when he comes by. It could be hours, but I don't care. As long as I can say a temporary goodbye. It won't be long before he comes back to confirm that Tasha won't be his assignment much longer. He'll come back and protect Lissa, alongside me.

By the time I'm in my dorm, the moon is at its highest peak. I slam the door behind me and tear off the borrowed dress, throwing it onto my bed. It reminds me of the time I had with Dimitri with the lust spell. . .

_Snap out of it!_

I listen to the annoying little voice in my head and dress in black skinny jeans and a white T-shirt. I wait around for a long time, staring out the window, rearranging items, cleaning up my closet, and still Dimitri hasn't come. I decide to see where Lissa is, to make sure she's okay. I sit down on my bed and concentrate.

_Concentrate, Rose. _

I slip into Lissa's mind and immediately regret it. She and Christian are yet again in another make-out session. Christian leans back and I get a good glimpse of their surroundings. They are in a courtyard. Nearby is the girl's Moroi dorm.

"We left the party early," Lissa says, not caring to reapply her lipstick. It's probably smeared all over Christian's face. I shudder.

"So?" Christian says. He seems relaxed, happy.

Lissa shrugs. "I don't know. I was going to hang out with Rose."

I feel a twinge of anger at how Christian probably dragged her with him so they could do exactly this. Then again, if not for Christian dragging her out, I might not have gotten the time with Dimitri. I feel thankful that.

"We can go back," Christian tells her, standing up and wrapping his jacket tightly around him.

I hope she doesn't. Now when Tasha's bleeding all over the place.

"No, no," Lissa says. "I mean. . . I don't know."

I slip out of her mind, making sure to get out before she gets too emotional. I really hope she doesn't come back. If she does, who knows what will happen. Lissa will eventually find out I connected my fist with Tasha's face. And Christian? I have no idea what his reaction will be. I only hope he doesn't try to keep Lissa away from me because I socked his aunt. Oh, I hope that doesn't happen.

My dorm now feels empty, like I have no one to confide in. And really, I don't. At least now right now. All I have now is myself and until Dimitri comes, I'll be on my own. I have the urge to go see Lissa, but I'm sure I'd end up blurting out what I did. Adrian doesn't seem like much help, probably off searching in the bushes for his pack of cigarettes. I laugh at the thought.

Someone knocks on my door.

_Oh, God._

I don't know whether it's guardians coming to get me, to take me away and take me to Kirova to punish me. Or maybe it's Tasha, coming to punch me back. Revenge, payback, whatever you call it. I only hope it's Dimitri. No one else, I silently pray to myself. I walk over to the door and pull it open. Dimitri stares straight ahead as he walks in. I shut the door behind him.

"Dimitri, I-"

"Don't, Rose," he says.

I inhale deeply, letting the breath back out. "What happened after I left?"

"Tasha's nose is broken," I have to say, I feel a twinge of pride, but immediately feel bad about it. "She was taken to Doctor Olendzki's office for some bandages and pain pills, stuff like that."

"Is it really bad?" I ask, concern flooding into me for what I did to Christian's aunt.

He shakes his head. "Not too bad. She'll be up and walking tomorrow or something like that."

"Good," I say.

"Rose, why did you punch her?" Dimitri asks, running his slender fingers through his long brown hair.

I sit down on the bed and Dimitri does the same. I feel that eccentric feeling inside me, and lay my head on his shoulder.

"I don't know," I admit. "Everything's just been crazy lately. I don't understand my feelings right now, Dimitri."

"So you thought it would be good to take it out on Tasha?"

"I don't know. . ." I say. "She's one of my problems, I guess."

"Rose, I know you have more control than that," Dimitri says. I look down at my feet and think about what the real problem is. Lissa? Christian? Tasha? What about Dimitri?

I reply with, "Dimitri, I made a mistake. Can't it just be over with?"

"No, Rose, it can't!" He says angrily, standing up and pacing the length of the room. Not very much space, but I guess it suits him fine.

"I know," I say, hating to admit something like that. "Dimitri, look. I understand my mistake, and I'll fix it later. But you can't worry about this. You have more important things to attend to."

"What if she tells, Rose?" Dimitri looks at me with stern eyes.

"She won't," I stand and walk over to Dimitri. I stand in his way so he can't pace anymore. "You and I both know Tasha; she won't tell."

"You broke her nose, Rose," Dimitri says.

"I already know that."

"Do you know how bad this is?" He shouts at me. "Do you have any idea what you just did?"

"And broke her nose." I add snidely. Dimitri storms over and grabs my arms, pulling me out of my seat.

"Do you know how bad this is?" He shouts at me. "Do you know what's going to happen?"

Dimitri stalks over to me and grabs my arms, pulling me off the bed and glaring at me.

"Do you?" He shouts, asking that same question.

I try to get out of his grasp, but he's stronger than me. I curse under my breath and scream, "yes! I understand!"

"You might get in trouble, Rose!" Dimitri says. I wince as his grip tightens. He notices, and his eyes soften as he loosens his grip.

"So? I can take care of myself, Dimitri!"

"Can you, Rose?" Dimitri says, his voice barely above a whisper. I stare at his handsome features, his lips that I had once kissed so passionately. "Can you?"

"Yes, I can."

"Rose, this is serious." Dimitri releases his strong grip. Already are blue and brown bruises forming on my arms. _That ought to hurt in the morning._

"You don't think I know that?"

"I don't think you know anything about the consequences," Dimitri tells me. "Do you?"

I shrug. "I'll figure it out."

Dimitri stares down at me, his eyes burning into mine. I feel as if he's trying to look into the deepest parts of my soul, which is sort of uncomfortable. I turn away from him, fixing my eyes on the dark sky outside. Anything is better than facing Dimitri.

"I'll talk to Tasha," Dimitri says. I can tell he's already forming a plan in his head. "Maybe I can talk some sense into her about this whole thing. She just might understand."

I scoff. "She'll understand that I punched her out of spite? I highly doubt that, Comrade."

"I'll figure something out," He reassures me.

"_We'll _figure something out," I correct him. "After all, I'm the one that punched her."

"Right," Dimitri says. "I need to go check on her."

I nod and Dimitri heads towards the door. As he turns the knob, I grab his hand. "Dimitri, wait."

"What?" He turns to me.

"You're leaving tomorrow."

"I know."

I take a deep breath. "Shouldn't we say goodbye?" I ask him.

He raises an eyebrow. "We can tomorrow, Rose. There's always tomorrow."

"Right," I say and release his hand. The door opens wider and Dimitri stares at me with one last glance of longing. He steps away from the open door and walks up to me.

"Goodbye, Roza." He plants a kiss on my forehead and leaves me to myself, to think about all that has happened.

"Goodbye, Dimitri," I whisper, even though he is gone.

I crawl into bed, throwing the cover over my head. I trace the place that Dimitri had kissed me, and before I know it, I'm falling into a deep and what feels like an ever-lasting sleep.

* * *

The sun leaking past the curtains manage to wake up before the moon rises. It's setting, so in a few hours the Moroi and Dhampirs will get up and go to school. As hard as I try, I can't go back to sleep, so I decide to go ahead and get ready. Being this early for the Moroi and Dhampir, no one is in awake in the building. The shower water is freezing against my skin and when I try to make it warm, I end up making it too bloody hot. My blood is flowing though, so that helps.

The sun is barely visible when I come out of the shower. I dress in denim and a red tank-top which suits me. I lace on tennis shoes and walk out of my dorm. As long as no one sees me, I'm fine. I make my way across campus to the church, which I enter as quietly as I can. I know that the Chapel is Lissa and Christian's place, but I can't help but climb the stairs up to it. I flip on an old dusty lamp and pull out a book on Physics from my book bag, propping it on my knees and flipping to page 57.

I wake up a couple hours later, the book having fell off my lap and onto the dirty floor. I curse and pick it up, looking around the room for some sort of clock or something to tell the time. It's second period. Great, just great. I rush out of the church and into the main building, heading towards my class.

"How many times am I going to catch you late, Ms. Hathaway?" Kirova's voice sounds. I swivel on my heel to face her.

"Headmistress Kirova, how nice to see you. . . Again," I say through gritted teeth. You have got to be kidding me!

Kirova sighs, tapping her manicured nails on her cheek. She looks like she does every other day. "Hmm," She purrs.

_What now?_ "Headmistress Kirova?"

"Hm?"

"Whatcha doing?" I try to ask as coolly as I can. If I can't get out of this, I might as well lighten the mood. Just a bit.

"I'm deciding whether or not to punish you," She says, dragging on the _you. _God, why now? Why now!?

I sigh and say, "Look, I-"

"Usually I'd give you detention or some sort." Kirova says. "But since today is quite celebratory and sorrowful, I'll excuse it."

"Celebratory and sorrowful?" I ask with a raised brow. "Did someone you didn't like die?"

"No!" She snaps. "One of St. Vladimir's best guardians are leaving."

I thought this was supposed to be a secret to most. I guess Kirova didn't count. "You mean Dimitri Belikov."

Kirova's eyes widen. "How do you know?"

I laugh loudly. "He's my trainer. Don't you think he would have told me?"

"Perhaps," Kirova says.

"Can I go then?" I point towards the direction of my class. Kirova tells me I can, and I rush off towards my class. All heads turn towards me as I take a seat and open up my book. I'm sure my cheeks are bright red, but I don't exactly care. Who cares if I'm late?

* * *

"I actually think I'm going to miss Guardian Dimitri," Lissa sighs as she looks up at the branches of a tall Oak.

"Hm?" I say. It's identical to the one Kirova purred earlier. "Why is that?"

Lissa barely knows Dimitri. He's only her guardian, someone to protect her from the forces of evil, the Strigoi. Only a few people know the real Dimitri. One of them is I, Rose. So how can she say she will miss him if she doesn't even know him? Will she miss him because of the way he's so graceful when he fights to protect her? Maybe something like that?

"I don't know," Lissa says. "He's a good guardian. Don't you think. . . Rose?"

"Huh?" I come back into reality and stare at Lissa. She groans.

"Off in la-la land again?" She asks.

"No," I say. "I'm off in Rose-world."

Lissa laughs. "Figures."

"And no, he's not a good guardian."

"Rose!" Lissa shoves me playfully.

I shrug. "He's a great guardian, one of the best."

"Yes," Lissa agrees. "He's one of the best, I guess. At least I still have you, Rose."

That makes me feel a little better, to know someone still needs me. Just last night I was thinking about how I was feeling alone. Truth is, I've never been alone; I never will be How ridiculous I was being, or at least that's what I think. It would be nice to have someone to confide in every once in a while.

"They'll be in the garage," I tell her.

"I know," Lissa says. "Christian already told me."

"Is he there?" I ask

"I think so," Lissa says. "He wanted to have a private goodbye with Tasha."

"Oh," I say. I sort of wish I had a private goodbye with Dimitri. Yesterday didn't exactly count, but I would take as many goodbyes as I could from him. It hurts for him to say goodbye, but I have to accept it. It's better if I accept it now than deny it later.

"Here we are!" Lissa and I walk into the garage. Tasha and Christian stand near a black, window-tinted Honda. Tasha narrows her eyes at me but doesn't say anything. I stare incredulously at the bandage on her chin, running all the way to the middle of her left cheek. Guilt floods into me, but no other feelings.

Two guardians stand nearby, their arms behind their back. They're probably here to drive Tasha and Dimitri to the airport.

"Hey, Christian," I say and wave at him. He nods a greeting at me. _Does he know?_ "Tasha," I nod at her.

"Hello, Lissa," Tasha makes sure not to acknowledge my presence. I can't help but stare at the black and blue bruises that the bandages can't cover up. Her nose is wrapped up in many bandages.

"Tasha, what happened?!" Lissa asks horrified.

Tasha gulps, giving me a glance. "It's nothing, Lissa. Please, don't worry yourself."

"I wonder what the other person looks like," Christian comments snidely. "Probably worse."

"Don't make assumptions, Christian," I tell him, glowering.

"Are you okay?" Lissa asks, directed at Tasha.

Tasha nods. "Of course, Lissa."

"Where's Dimitri?" I ask coolly.

"He's packing a few things," Tasha informs me. I'm surprised she acknowledges my question. Or even my presence.

"Well, I wish him the best," I say, in which Tasha gives me a nasty look.

We wait for a long time in silence. I don't think I've ever been in such an awkward silent moment. I sort of want to ask Tasha how it feels getting punched by me, but I don't want Lissa and Christian knowing. I really have no idea why she didn't blurt out that I socked her. Perhaps it's embarrassing for her. If we switched places, I know I would be! Or maybe she's not telling because Dimitri. Oh, Dimitri. I wonder if he told her something, like to keep quiet. What had he done to keep her mouth shut?

"Lissa," Christian says. "I'll be riding with Tasha and Dimitri to the airport. I'll be getting a ride back after they fly off."

Lissa nods, surely disappointed.

"That's fine," she says with a bright smile. "I'll just hang out with Rose." She gives me an exciting glance. "Tasha, I hope you have a nice ride."

"Thanks," Tasha says.

The door opens and Dimitri stalks in. He looks gorgeous, and carries a suitcase. It feels like a stake to the heart, to know this isn't a dream. This is reality. He's really leaving, without any hesitance.

"You ready, Dimka?" Tasha asks him as the guardians pack up the luggage.

Even if he's coming back to me, I'll be alone, without him, for a long time. Who knows how long? He promised he would come back, but when? A few weeks? A few months? Maybe even years?

"Yes." Dimitri throws his suitcase into the trunk of the Honda, not letting the other guardians do so.. He turns to face all of us. "Vasilisa," He stares at Lissa. "It's been a pleasure being your guardian."

I just want to melt, just once. The more goodbyes he says, the harder it is for me to let him go.

"Thanks," Lissa says. No doubt she doesn't know what to tell him. "I hope you have a wonderful time with Tasha. She deserves a guardian like you."

Dimitri nods and turns to Christian. "I'll take good care of your aunt."

"You better," Christian says to him. A small smirk tugs at the edges of Dimitri's gorgeous lips.

Finally, he turns to me. And, oh God, how I just want to run into his arms and tell him goodbye. Last night wasn't fair, the way we said goodbye, the way he kissed my forehead. It was as if he was trying to get me to beg him to stay.

"Rose," I know that these will be the last words he says to me for a long while. I take a deep breath and stare at him, taking in everything about him. "It was a pleasure to be your trainer. You'll be a great guardian."

I nod. "Yeah, well, I'll think about you every time I stake a Strigoi, Comrade."

I'm surprised that Dimitri hugs me. It's not compassionate, more like business-like. When he releases me, I realize I have been holding in my breath. I exhale and watch as Dimitri, Tasha, Christian, and the two guardians load into the Honda. The engine revs to life and like that. . . just like that. . . Dimitri Belikov is gone.

Out of my life.

* * *

Lissa and I walk out of the garage and down the pathway. I know that she doesn't know about me and Dimitri, but it hurts a lot. Nothing can really console me right now. I figure I shouldn't mope, and I definitely won't cry. No, crying just doesn't come naturally or easily to me. All I know is that I'll allow the small sorrow that I'll drag through until he comes back.

If he comes back, that is.

"Hey, I need to get something out of my locker," Lissa says. "I'll be right back. Stay right here!"

"Sure thing," I tell her and sit down on a nearby bench. Lissa runs off, disappearing into one of the buildings. I appreciate this small moment I have to myself. All to myself and no one else.

"Rose?" Well that didn't last long. I turn to see Alberta, the head guardian around here. She waves her hand. "Follow me please."

I stand up and follow Alberta to the guardian building. Somehow, I just know that this is about Tasha, 'bout how I punched, and broke, her nose. Oh, please don't let the punishment be too bad!

I walk into the building and am taken by surprise. Along the wall I see about six novices. I spot Eddie immediately, the rest are unbeknownst to me. Alberta asks me to stand in the line and I do, putting my hands behind my back like the rest.

"Now that you're all here," Alberta says. "I can explain." A few of the novices shift uncomfortably. What is this all about? "As you know, you are a couple months away from graduation." Happy nods and smiles on the novice's faces. "Well, there's been a change."

"What change?" A novice named Kathie Lee asks.

Alberta leans against the desk. "There's a family up in the Montana mountains. There were some Strigoi hanging around outside the borders. The guardians went to deal with the problem, but they were. . . Unsuccessful."

Eddie leans towards me. "What is this about?"

"I don't know," I whisper back. "Now sh. Listen."

"-Anyways, the family is now without guardians and they need one immediately." Alberta says. "We've already found a trained, promised guardian from the Court. But we need one more. Since we have a shortage of Dhampir guardians, we will temporarily have a novice be guardian until we can find a permanent guardian. We'll be sending a novice to protect the family until further notice."

We all look at each other nervously.

"You're dismissed," Alberta says. We all line up and make our way out of the building. I immediately separate from the others and go to where Lissa and I were. Lissa looks around confused until she sees me.

"Hey!" She yells. "I thought I told you to _stay here."_

"I know," I say. "Sorry. Guardian meeting."

Lissa frowns and asks, "Is everything alright?"

"Just peachy," I say with a big smile on my face. Lissa smiles back and we link our arms.

"I'm hungry," Lissa says and we walk towards the cafeteria, no questions asked.

All the while, I have a plan forming in my mind.

I know exactly what I'm going to do. . .


	8. Chapter Eight

Six novices.

Including me, that's seven. The plan, in my head, is absolutely crazy. That family needs a temporary guardian. But how long is temporary to them? To me, temporary can mean a few weeks, maybe two or three months. To them, it could mean years, many, many years.

But as much as I think about it, I know that I can do it. I can be a temporary novice guardian. I'd be back by graduation probably, just in time to get my Promise mark. What about Lissa though? Could my leaving, even if temporary, hurt her? But this chance, it's the chance of a lifetime. It can help me advance as a guardian. Maybe I can even be considered as Lissa's guardian, seeing that my slate isn't the cleanest.

If Alberta were to pick someone, it will probably be Eddie. If not, someone else that'll be lucky enough to be picked. If I was chosen though, that would be interesting. I would only leave Lissa for a little while. Not too long, I'm sure I can promise her that.

I sigh and sit back in my chair. The time seems to fly by when I think about such things. Though it must not be long. Lissa is still in the feeding room. I'm too light-headed to go in there with all that is going on. To think that only ten or so minutes have passed by since the great Dimitri left. Maybe if he were here, I could talk to him. He would know exactly what to do, what to say to help me come to a conclusion. It's just so frustrating!

"Hey, Rose." Eddie slides in to the chair across from me. I sit up straighter and make sure to clear my face of any emotions that might lead him to question what I'm thinking about. I can't have anyone asking me questions right now. Especially Eddie. For all I know, we could already be in a competition for the spot.

"Oh hi, Eddie." I address him casually. So much to say and ask, but I just can't.

"Listen, I wanted to talk about. . ." He trails off, his eyebrows furrowing deeply, creating a deep crevice between his eyes.

"About the meeting." I say.

"Yeah." He says. "Do you think that was. . . Sort of crazy?"

"Why would you think that?" I struggle to keep the curiousity in my voice to a low.

"I dunno." He sighs. He's obviously facing the same thing I am, only he's too shy to actually try and talk about it. "Why would they ask a novice like us to volunteer for such a thing? You know?"

I shrug, playing with the plastic spoon in my hand, intertwining it between my fingers. God, I'm so hungry! "You heard Alberta. She told us they're running low on guardians."

"Yeah, but are we even experienced enough?" He asks, his voice lowering to a whisper. Why so secretive? I want to ask him.

"Did you see that room?" I ask incredously. "There were only six, excluding me. There are lots of novices here, and they only picked seven. One of them is _you_, Eddison Castile, you should know this. They are obviously only bringing the best novices into the situation."

"You take in a lot of information in that short meeting." Eddie notes. "And, if you're right about it, if they're only asking the best novices, then you should look at yourself. Miss Rose Hathaway would be perfect for the job."

"Not true." I spit out, a little annoyed that he actually thought that. I really do wish he had used sarcasm. I don't want to be placed on a pedestal by Eddie, not anyone actually.

"It is true, Rose." He says. "Did you see Alberta?"

"See her do what?"

"God, you're clueless!" He shouts. Luckily no one hears though. "She kept. . . How do I say it. . . . She kept looking at you with this. . . . . . This weird look in her eyes. Like she knew, like she really _knew _that. . ."

"That what?" I cross my arms, a hint of challenge in my voice.

Eddie sighs and leans forward, looking straight into my eyes. I don't look away. "Like you were just standing higher than the rest of us. Like she knew that out of all of us, you'd be it."

"That's crazy." I murmur. "I'm not that good."

"Don't be modest, Rose." Eddie says. "You know I'm right."

"Lie." I say. "And I'm not modest. Alberta doesn't place me above the rest of you novices. Just because of. . ."

"Because of your skills? Because of your strength? Because of your courage? Because of what, Rose, because of what?"

"Don't put words in my mouth, Eddie!" I shout at him.

"Oh, trust me, I'm not."

"You're driving me crazy." I say.

"Because you're acting like what I'm saying is all wrong and fake to you!"

"I don't want you placing me on a pedestal!" I warn him blandly.

"I don't have to." Eddie says. "Everyone else already does."

I'm taken aback by this statement. In some sense, there are people who place me on a pedestal. Not that I like it, of course. But hearing it from a fellow novice like Eddie, a good friend of mine, is like getting hit in the back of the head with a shovel.

"Well if you feel that way," I stand up, my chair skidding across the floor making a loud _SSSS _noise. I wince at the horrible sound. "I'll just be on my way."

"Probably off to build a pedestal I suppose." Eddie mutters.

I shoot him a look of disgust and reply with, "Oh why don't you go-"

"Rose?" Lissa's voice barely whispers from behind me. "Eddie?"

I turn, replacing the ugly scowl on my face into a small smile. I only hope she buys it. "Hey, Liss. Ready to go?"

"Uh. . . I guess so." She glances nervously between Eddie and I. I snatch her hand in mine and drag her out of the cafeteria before she can say anything. I glance behind me right before we exit only to see that Eddie is quietly staring ahead of him.

I walk fast, ignoring any looks people give me or who passes me. My objective is to get away from Eddie. Lissa trails behind, on my heels. I hear her huffing and puffing.

"Rose." Lissa calls after me. "Rose!" She grabs my arm and yanks me backwards. I'm surprised by her strength, and even though I don't want to turn, I do it anyway. I look straight at her, like Eddie did with me.

"What?"

Lissa searches my face for God knows what. "What happened in there?"

"Nothing." I say and walk away.

"You're lying." Lissa says, pulling me back to her. "Something happened. Feel like telling me?"

"Lissa," I say, a little aggravated. "It's just some guardian stuff. Nothing that concerns you."

"But it does!" Lissa whines. "It concerns me, it _worries _me. So just tell me!"

I scowl. "Can't you just leave it alone, Liss?"

"No!" Lissa yells. "Rose, you're my best friend. I _know _when something worries you."

I take a deep breath and reply with, "I am your best friend, and you're mine. But, if we are best friends, you need to trust me when I say. . . It's nothing, I'm fine."

"Promise you're okay?" Lissa says, holding out her pinkie finger.

I raise an eyebrow. "Isn't that a little childish to do?"

Lissa rolls her eyes. "Just promise me."

"Fine." I link my pinkie with hers.

That's a promise I can't really promise, because, in truth, I'm not fine. I'm anything _but _fine.

* * *

The next day comes and I shower and dress in cut-off shorts and a T-shirt. I try and forget about my fight with Eddie, and my promise to Lissa. I have to try my best to be fine. Just until news comes from Alberta. On my way out, I grab my bag and tie my hair back, letting my Monija marks show. The air outside is a bit chilly, and with my hair damp, it's even colder. In the distance, I hear the bell ring.

"Crap, late again." I begin jogging towards my first class, but see Alberta walking in the opposite direction.

"Rosemarie," She says calmly. "Would you come with us?"

"Us?" I ask.

I see someone I didn't see before, a woman behind Alberta. The woman has pale blonde hair with grey streaks lined in it, her green eyes smiling. I can't place a name on her at all, but I know she's Moroi. From her pale skin to the type of body most Moroi have. I slowly nod and the woman turns, along with Alberta, towards the direction of the guardian building. It's not far, and we reach it without interruption. I don't dare talk until we're inside. Only two other novices stand against the wall, Eddie and a boy I think is called Gerry. Eddie makes sure not to look at me, so I stand beside who I think is Gerry.

"Hello, Eddie, Gerry, and Rose." Alberta says, definetely in guardian mode. "You're probably wondering who this woman is."

I nod, and Gerry says, "Yeah, I guess so."

The woman with pale blonde hair steps forward, a smile on her face. Who is she?

"My name is Vivian Conta." She announces.

_Oh. . . My. . . God._

She's the woman in need of a temporary guardian.

She's my one chance. . .


	9. Chapter Nine

I swallow the lump in my throat, rub off the sweat on my palms. Sure, I can face Strigoi, no problem. But facing a chance like this? A woman like Vivian? A chance to leave just for a little while? Now there's a problem. . .

With Vivian, I can escape St. Vladimir's. Just for a little while. Because I know that deep down inside, I'm still crazy sad about Dimitri. Only yesterday had he left, and I'm already digging deep and throwing dirt over it. Dimitri and I made an agreement, he'd come back. I can't spend all my time worrying about when. What I _can _do is escape the feelings inside me, the turmoil that, while Vivian Conta talks about a desperately needed guardian, digs itself out of the deepest and darkest parts of my heart and mind.

I realize that I'm still not over Dimitri, nor will I ever be. He left me, if for forever or just a little while doesn't matter. He made a scar, one that can't be erased. One that I can fix if I just leave temporarily. It can work. All I have to do is convince Vivian Conta that I'm right for the job.

"Two of the our guardians, our only guardians, Louis and Paul," Vivian says. "were brutally. . . Killed by a couple Strigoi hanging around our borders. Seeing Strigoi so close to our home, well, made us feel unsafe." Vivian swallows hard. "Though we did weep at our loss of two guardians, we needed two _immediately_. We were lucky enough to get one from the Court, but we're still in need of one more."

"Who's the other?" Gerry asks, stepping out of line.

Alberta glances at Vivian who only nods and replies, "Jack Chang."

"Never heard of him." Gerry mumbled.

"I knew that." Vivian pointed out. "I wouldn't expect you to."

"Anyway!" Alberta steps forward, clearly directing narrowed eyes at Gerry. "Continue please, Ms. Conta."

Vivian smiles and continues, "I obviously need to make a choice by tomorrow morning, when I leave. It'll be-"

_Tomorrow morning? _I panickingly think to myself.

That's not long enough. If I'm chosen, I'll have less than twenty-four hours to prepare to go and serve as a temporary guardian. I would barely have time to say goodbye to everyone, especially Lissa. And packing would be in crumbles. How could I pack that fast without forgetting something majorly important?

"-I really do wish I could have three guardians for my family." Vivian says. I mentally slap myself for missing half of her speech. "But as I said before, I'm lucky enough to get, not one, but two."

"Pick three than." Gerry snorts, rolling his eyes like it's not a big deal.

Vivian narrows her eyes and walks towards Gerry with long, graceful steps. It somewhat reminds me of a swan. The _Click, Clack _of her red heels make this even more unbarable.

"Excuse me. . . Gerry?" Vivian spits. It's obvious Gerry is out of the competition. So, so very obvious.

"Uh. . ." Gerry's stutters, his eyes going wide.

"Back-talking isn't appreciated." She says, turning away and flipping her long pale hair and striding back to her spot beside Alberta.

Holy mother of God. . .

"As I was saying." She says tight-lipped. "I'll be having meetings with all of you, tell yo a bit of what you're to expect and what's to be expected." She directs her gaze at Gerry. "You're first."

Gerry doesn't move from his spot in between Eddie and I. He seems frozen in place, stuck like glue is holding his feet to the ground.

"Now!" Vivian shouts and he starts moving, stumbling over a chair leg. Vivian huffs and leads him into a room to the right. I barely get a glimpse into the room, and the door slams. I let my breath out, not realizing I've been holding it in all this time.

Alberta looks at Eddie and I. "Good luck to you both." She walks into a different room from the one Vivian and Gerry stepped into. It's just me and Eddie now.

Eddie's the first to break the silence. "Is it just me or is Vivian Conta a little. . ."

"Cocamamie?"

"Not in one's right mind?"

"Foolish?"

We both laugh at all the weird names we come up with to describe Vivian Conta. I still can't forgive Eddie though, after what he said to me. . .

I clear my throat. "More like. . . a no-nonsense business-like woman."

"Perfect." Eddie says with a wink. "Mind writing that down for me?"

"To do what with?" I ask.

"Maybe I'll create a blog." He shrugs.

I laugh. "Or write a book."

"'The no-nonsense, business-like life of Vivian Conta.'" Eddie motions a square with his hands, like he's imagining a sign or billboard. "I can totally see that being a best-seller."

"I'm sure you can." It surprises me that Eddie can be so laid-back and humorous when, after getting fed on by Strigoi, he's serious and business-like, just like Vivian.

"I think Gerry's a goner." I come back to the serious stuff.

"Yeah, he's already been booted out of the voting." Eddie says.

"What happened to all the others? Kathie Lee?" I manage to ask.

"Hmm. I guess they're just not qualified for the job."

I nod. "I'm surprised I'm still here."

Eddie rolls his eyes. "Not this again."

"No!" I step in front of him, hands on hips. "I don't mean it that way. I'm not being modest. . . I just expected. . ."

"Expected what?" Eddie asks.

"I really do want you to get this temporary guardian thing." I say, ignoring his question.

"Trust me," Eddie says as he places a hand on my shoulder. "You need it more than I do."

"Hey!" I slap his hand away playfully. "Just because-"

"Rosemarie?" I turn to see Vivian staring at me. I nod and follow her into the room. On the way in, I pass Gerry who seems a little shocked.

_That makes me feel a lot better_.

The room isn't like I expect it to be. I expected it to be like an interviewing room in a police department with cold metals chair and a light shining directly into your eyes, making your forehead sweat like crazy. The room is actually cozy, with four wooden chairs formed in a perfect circle in the middle of a room. An unlit fireplace stands at one end of the room and a map of St. Vladimir's borders plastered on the other's wall. I take a seat in one of the snug chairs, making sure to sit tall and proud.

"So, Rosemarie, how are you?" Vivian sits down, crossing her legs and placing perfectly manicured fingers on her chin.

"I'm okay." I say. "Could you call me Rose?"

"Of course." She says with a smile. Phew. . .

"So, an interview right?" I ask, motioning around the room.

"Yes." Vivian replies.

I clear my throat without being too loud. "What kind of questions are you going to ask me?"

"You're the one that ran away with the Dragomir princess?"

"Ooh, those kind of questions." I mumble. "Yeah, I guess I did."

"You guess?" Vivian purrs. "Interesting."

"Is it?"

She laughs. "I'm just observing."

"Ditto."

"Why'd you run away?" Vivian asks.

"That's sort of personal."

"I'm sorry for my interventance."

"It's fine."

This is just awkward. I take deep breaths, staying in unison with Vivian's breathing. I don't know what to say or do around her, a Royal Moroi I know nothing about. If it were Lissa, it would be a totally different story. But this is a Conta. . .

"Why do you think you deserve this job?" Vivian asks.

"Well, I'm more experienced than most novices." I pull up my hair and show her my Molnija marks on the back of my neck. I hear Vivian say a long "Hmmmmm" in response. "And I'm hard-working."

"Is that all you have to offer?" Vivian challenges.

I scoff. "Of course not."

"What else then?"

I think for a minute, then say, "I'm smart, quick, I like to think of myself as funny, I'm. . . I don't know. . . Brave?"

"Is this something you really want?"

"Duh." Uh-oh. "I mean. . . Uh. . . I mean yes, it's something I really want."

Vivian scoots closer to me and leans in.

"Rose, I have three children who need protection." She says. "If I _were _to hire you, I would be placing my and my children's life in _your hands_. If something were to happen. . ."

"I assure you, it won't." I say.

"I should hope so."

"But," I say. "If you decide not to choose me, you just _have _to pick Eddison Castile."

"Why is that?"

"He's perfect for the job." I brag. "I mean, he's everything a guardian is supposed to be."

"Isn't this about _you _and _your _getting of the job?"

I gulp. "Yes."

"You should be helping yourself more than your friend."

I nod fast. "Sure thing."

"Well, I have all I need. You may-"

"Wait!" I interrupt. "Three children, huh?"

I know that she isn't convinced I'm good for the job. This interview is going horribly, and I'm not helping myself at all. Maybe if I can't help myself on a business level, I can help myself on a personal level with Vivian Conta.

Vivian's face lights up like a lamp. It's her kids she's happiest about.

_Hook, line, and sinker._

"Yes." Vivian says. "Wren is the oldest, fourteen."

"That's cool." I say

She nods, gazing into the distance like she's happily thinking of memories and such. "Then there's Henry, he's eight. And Alexis, only five."

"What about your husband?"

The line snaps, taking the hook and sinker with it. Vivian's face turns sinister, almost ugly for such a pretty woman.

"Mister Conta is no longer involved with any of us." She says.

"Oh." I say quietly.

"Well, you may go." She says, waving her hand to the door. "I'll be making my decision tomorrow morning."

I nod and stand, shaking her hand before I go. Any chance of getting this job is gone. I'm a goner, just like Gerry.

I walk out of the room and see Eddie stand up out of the corner of my eye. I turn to him and say, "I gave you a little boast."

"Thanks." He murmurs and walks into the room. I hear the door shut behind him.

It's going to be him, I just know it. It's without a doubt going to be Eddie Castile. Why, oh why had I bragged about _his _skills and not mine? Stupid, Rose, stupid! I run out of the building and towards my room. St. Vladimir's students pass by, walking to their next class. I just need to breath without anyone else around. Then I'll go to class and everything can return to normal again.

* * *

I stand over the toilet, gagging. For some odd reason, I feel like I'm going to puke any minute. The reasons are endless, from the interview with Vivian Conta, to the feeling of Dimitri's presence being gone digging out of me. Everything is trying to flood to the top, including my body's reaction to nervousness and anxiety. God, I need to puke.

A knock on the stall door.

"You done yet?" A high-pitched voice asks from the other side. It's obvious the girl is annoyed at my taking so long.

"Go away before I throw your face into a dirty trashcan." I shout.

In response, I hear fast footsteps clicking against the tiled floor. A door slams and I'm alone again. I sigh and lean back, holding on to my stomach as tight as I can.

"Ugh." I moan and groan to myself for another ten minutes before I feel okay enough to leave the bathroom. I walk like a zombie, dragging my feet and all. Everyone's in class by now, so I make my way to Culinary Science. There's a substitute teacher today and she gives me a dirty look as I hand in my overdue homework.

I slip into the seat next to Christian and let my head fall into my arms.

"Bonjour, class." The teacher says. Oh great, the substitute is French! "I heard that yesterday, Monday, you began learning on how to make Pain de noix de banane."

"Say what?" Someone in the back asks.

The French substitute rolls her eyes. "Banana nut bread."

The room is filled with ooh-ing and aah-ing.

"From the looks of it, you all _failed _at making the bread without burning, dropping, or forgetting an essential ingredient." A few agreements from the class. "Today you better do better. You may begin."

Christian does most of the work, with me handing him the ingredients while he mixes, sets the oven on a certain degree, and follows all the instructions. I hand him some banana slices.

"You know, you could be a homemaker with that apron on." I say with a smirk on my face. My stomach clenches at the smell of food.

"Shut up, Hathaway." Christian mutters and shoves the tray into the oven.

"My pleasure." I say and lean my head against my hand, feeling like I'm going to pass out.

"I saw Lissa today." He says.

I gasp. "You saw the rare Lissa Dragomir!" I make sure he hears the sarcasm. "You _never _see her nowadays."

"God, you're annoying."

"I thought you told me to shut up?" I say with a raised eyebrow.

Christian replies with, "I changed my mind."

"Whatever." I say.

"Anyways." Christian says. "She didn't see you at breakfast, so she went on and on about how you were probably at another guardian meeting."

"So what?"

"You're not a guardian."

"I will be."

Christian claps, quiet enough not to attract attention. "I never noticed that."

"You should go back to Kindergarten then." I whisper to him. "Or take some attention medicines."

"Maybe I will."

"Good job." I tell him and check the bread. Nowhere close to being ready. I pick up a toothpick and play around with it.

Christian sighs. "What was it about?" He asks.

I pretend to act bored. He can't know what's going on. "Same old, same old."

"Hear that?" Christian asks.

"What?" I sit up taller and look around, straining to hear something.

"Beep, beep, beep." Christian says continually. "It's my lie detector!"

I push his shoulder and falls back, barely catching himself on the corner on of the table. The French witch turns our way and yells "Sh!"

"I'm in a bad mood today, Ozera."

"You're always in a bad mood."

"That's not true."

"How so?"

"I'm always in a happier mood when I'm not around you."

He snorts. "That makes me feel so special that I make you, Hathaway, bipolar."

I stick my tongue out at him.

"Now can you be for real?" He asks, his tone getting serious. "What happened at the meeting?"

I sigh. I might as well tell him. "Just don't tell Lissa."

"I can't promise anything." He shrugs.

"There's a Moroi family who needs guardians, a Conta family, but there's a shortage on guardians right now." I explain. "And so a novice is needed until a permanent replacement comes in."

"So they picked you?"

"Not yet."

"Oh, good." Christian says with a happy sigh.

"Why?" I ask.

"Oh nothing." He says. "It'd just be _horrific _if the family had to put up with _you _as their guardian."

I giggle. "Perhaps."

"So it might be you?"

"It's only temporary." I remind him.

Christian looks around and whispers, "You're willing to leave Lissa?"

"For just a few weeks." I say.

"Don't you think she'll be hurt?" He asks. "What if it turns into something more than a temporary job?"

I bite my lip. That's exactly what I'm worried about. "It won't. I'll make sure of it."

"I certainly hope so."

I nod.

"I certainly hope so too." I say.

* * *

When I get back to my room, I get my only suitcase out of the closet. If Vivian Conta is making her choice tonight, and leaving tomorrow, I want to be prepared just in case. It really all depends on her decision, but it's better to be ready and packed than sorry later. I pack ten of everything (ten shirts, ten pants, ten bras, etc.). and a couple knick-knacks. I take a look around my room and check for anything I might need if I do go.

I take a deep breath. "Nothing more." I say to myself as I zip up the suitcase. "Ready to go."

Someone knocks on my door, so I stuff the suitcase into a corner and pile pillows on top, making it less obvious. I open the door just a peek and see Lissa standing there, her face red with anger.

"Hey, Liss-" I start, but Lissa interrupts me.

"Don't!" She pushes me aside and storms into the room. For a minute, she just surveys the room and then her eyes settle on the suitcase. She throws the pillows to the side and tips over the suitcase, unzipping it and throwing open to top. She looks over at me with hurt eyes.

"How could you not tell me!" She screams at me.

"Who told you?" I ask.

_Keep your cool, Rose_. I repeat to myself.

Lissa huffs. "Christian."

I throw my hands up in the air, exasperated. "That liar! He promised he wouldn't tell!"

"Were you never going to tell me?" Lissa asks.

"Of course I was." I tell her. "But now is not the time."

"Then when?" She shouts. "Tomorrow. . . When you leave!"

"Lissa, it's not like that." I hold up my hands, motioning for her to calm down.

She puts her face in her hands. "How can you, Rose! Leaving me before. . . Before it's even graduation!"

She looks up with accusing eyes. I take a few steps back, leaning against the wall for support. I can tell that Lissa is going to blow. Heck, she already is! I can't calm her down though. I just need to let her blow off some steam, then I'll explain.

But Christian.

Oh, when I see him again I'm going to wring his neck! He had no right to go and tell, of all people, _Lissa _about my plans. It was _my job _to tell her, not his. And Christian Ozera broke a promise. God, I feel like punching something. . .

"It's not permanent." I tell Lissa when she takes a break to breath. "Just a few weeks. It'll help me get some experience."

"You've had experience, Rose!" Lissa says. "Remember that time you and I ran off together? That's the best experience you can get with guardian training."

"Maybe." I shrug. "But this might even boost my chance of being _your _guardian."

The anger in Lissa's face drains like water in a tub. She stares with those big green eyes of hers for the longest time, just staring. I begin to grow uncomfortable, wondering if the next time she opens her mouth, she'll yell at me or accuse me of leaving her.

"I can't think right now!" Lissa rushes past me and out the open door. I gaze at her as she storms down the stairs and disappears from view.

"Oh, Lissa." I whisper to myself. "I've hurt you so badly. . ."


	10. Chapter Ten

I take off after Lissa, but change my direction towards the church. Lissa needs time to cool off and think about the situation a bit longer. So no, I won't bother Lissa while she gets ahold of things. Instead, I keep my focus on the church, specifically the attic.

I jog up the stairs to the attic, throwing open the door. Christian immediately stands, probably wondering if its his one and only love, Lissa.

"You idiot!" I throw a punch at Christian, but he barely blocks me.

"I had to, Rose." Christian says. "You wouldn't have told her."

"Yes I would!" I cry out and try to swing again; he blocks it yet again.

Christian stares at me and says, "would you have really told her?"

"Yes," I tell him, "I would have, Christian. I would have _had _to."

"You were going to wait until last minute, weren't you?"

I take a step back and look at my surroundings, at anything but Christian Ozera. To think just a few seconds ago I was about to punch _another _Ozera in the face.

"That's none of your business." I say.

Christian scoffs. "You were going to wait until. . . Like, ten minutes before you left!"

"Not that late!" I shout at him. "Besides, I haven't even gotten the job."

"_Yet_." Christian points out.

"_If_." I say. "_If _I get the job."

"You know you will, Rose. There's no other option."

"There's plenty more options." I throw my hands up. "Like Eddie Castile."

Christian shakes his head and walks around the dusty old attic room, shoving his hands in his pockets. I keep my eyes on him as he turns and walks the other direction; pacing I think that's what he's doing. After a few minutes, Christian swivels on his heel and points directly at me.

"Have you even thought about Lissa through all of your decisions?" He asks.

I cross my arms over my chest. "Of course I have."

"Liar."

"Shut up, Ozera!" I yell. "You don't know what I've thought about! You've never been in my mind!"

"I don't have to!" Christian shouts back at me. "I know you're probably too selfish to think about Lissa in this sort of situation!"

"I'm not selfish!"

"Cut it out!" The voice doesn't come from Christian nor I. I turn to see Lissa standing in the doorway, staring at us with disbelief.

"Lissa," Christian clears his throat, "h-how long have you been standing there?"

Lissa walks closer to us. "Long enough."

I stare at Lissa, and then at Christian. All these fights and arguments, they're no good. The ones Dimitri and I had before he left, and the ones Christian, Lissa, and I are having now are no good. Nothing good ever really comes out of such a stupid argument.

"Christian," Lissa directs her gaze at him, "Rose would've told me; you shouldn't have." Lissa turns to me and gives me the longest stare. "Rose, do what you want. I'm not stopping you. If it boosts your chance of becoming my guardian, then I'm in. Whatever your decisions, I'll readily stick with you through them all."

This, all of this, is why Vasilisa Dragomir should rule one day. She's a leader, and she knows how to fix arguments and help everyone relax through bad situations. Lissa was born to be a leader; never a follower.

"Thanks, Liss." I say. "Let's take a walk, shall we?"

* * *

Lissa and I walk through one of the many courtyards at the academy. Baby's Breaths and Violets are in full bloom, so the entire campus is just a big, big garden of purple and white. The smell of freshly cut grass fills my nostrils. Lissa strolls beside me, our arms linked together. It's at times like these that I enjoy have a friend like Lissa. I look over at her and see her eyes shut as she inhales the many new scents.

"I'm nervous." I blurt out before I can stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

Lissa opens her eyes and looks over at me. "About what?"

I shrug as we pace each step with the others. "I don't know if I can leave St. Vladimir's, or you."

"You should go, Rose." Lissa tells me, patting my hand.

"I'm not so easy to get rid of." I point out.

"You know what I mean." She says. "It's an experience of a life-time; it'll help you become my guardian so that we're together."

"I don't think I can though." I admit. "Leaving, even temporarily, sort of scares me."

Lissa gazes off at the sky, and I follow her stare.

"I see a flower." Lissa points at one cloud.

I nod. "Liss?"

"Just listen, Rose." Lissa stops me and grabs my arms, turning me to face her. She looks into my eyes and smiles. "You should go; you _need _to go. Don't you see? This is going to be worth it all."

I nod quickly. "I guess you're right."

"Tomorrow morning is when they make the decision?"

"Yep."

"If it's you - I know it will be you - you accept it, Rose." Lissa tells me. "Don't hesitate."

"Yeah, I'll try."

"You will try."

I realize I've held my breath. I exhale deeply and look at Lissa, "I will try." She gives me a smile. "No doubt."

* * *

At seven 'o clock in the morning, someone knocks on my door. I quickly throw off my blankets and throw on a pair of jeans and run to the door. When I open it, Alberta stands tall at my door; her hand raised as if she were about to knock again.

"Rose," she announces, "Ms. Vivian Conta has chosen you as her temporary guardian."

"Oh wow." I breath. "So no goodbye balloons?"

"Be ready in thirty minutes, Miss Hathaway." Alberta tells me and begins to walk off.

"Wait!" I yell after her. She turns and waits for whatever I need to tell her. "Can you contact Lissa Dragomir, Christian Ozera, and Adrian Ivashkov that I'm leaving? I want to say goodbye."

Alberta nods and leaves.

Thirty minutes.

I shut the door and turn to my closet, grabbing black jeans, a white T-shirt, a wool sweater, and combat boots. My shower is quick, and I barely have enough time to wash my hair. I look in the mirror and see, well, me. But I look different somehow. I lean in closer to the mirror and stare at my face, my appearance. What's so difference?

I notice the glazed sort of look I have in my eyes.

I shrug it off and turn to leave. Once back in my room, I pack up the rest of my suitcase, the necessities and all the rest. The room is almost empty, but it still has that touch of Rose in it. I grab the handle of my suitcase and sling my duffel bag over my shoulder and turn to leave.

When I arrive at the front gates of the academy, Lissa, Christian, Adrian, and Eddie are all waiting for me. The pitch-black SUV sits just a few feet away, the engine sputtering to life. Vivian Conta must already be in the car, or so I hope.

I hug Lissa first. It's a great big hug that neither of us want to let go. Lissa finally releases me and I lean back. I notice that Lissa has a few tears dripping down her cheeks.

"Lissa," I say. "I'll be back, I promise."

"I know you will." She whispers and we hug again.

I turn to Christian and immediately things just become flat-out awkward. I don't know what to do. Hug him? Shake his hand? What am I supposed to do with the boy who's aunt I punched and who I had a fight with just yesterday night?

Before I can say anymore, Christian pulls me into a quick, but friendly, hug. I nod at him and lean towards his ear.

"Take care of Lissa for me," I whisper very low. When I start to move towards Eddie, I see the promise in Christian's eyes. I know he'll take care of Lissa with everything he has.

"Bye, Eddie," I hug him and before I have time to reject his offer, he takes my suitcase and slides it in the back of the SUV.

Last is Adrian, with his clove-scented cigarettes and strong cologne. His hug is about as long as Lissa's, long and soaking up every little piece of me before I leave.

"Goodbye, Adrian," I kiss him on the cheek, nothing romantic; just a friendly peck on the cheek. "Don't drink too much."

A smirk creeps up on his face. "Goodbye, little dhampir. You'll miss my inhumanly good looks, won't you?"

"I believe I will," I say sadly. "You have your ways of contacting me."

I see that familiar glint in Adrian's eyes. "I'll see you in your dreams, little dhampir."

"Goodbye," I say and with that, I pile into the car, tears in my eyes. I roll down the window and gaze at my friends. The car begins to take off, and I start waving, the tears flowing from my face.

"Goodbye," I say to no one in particular.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Vivian Conta stares at me; probably because of the tears running down my face. I quickly wipe them away and look over at her. She gives me a reassuring smile before opening her mouth. It stays open for the longest time before she shuts it.

"I wish I knew what to say." Vivian says. She pats my knee and turns away.

_Am I making the right choice? _I wonder. There's no way to pin the answer down. One part of my mind is telling me I'm wrong and that I need to go back; the other half is telling me to keep going. I swallow against the lump in my throat and stare out the window. The Montana mountains are covered in a blanket of white, though the snow is beginning to melt faster than it ever did before. Or at least it is to me.

I turn to the driver. He wears black shades and a microphone piece in his ear. "Excuse me?" I clear my throat.

The driver finds my eyes in the rearview mirror and raises an eyebrow, waiting for whatever I have to say.

"How long is the ride there?" I ask, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans.

"Forty-five minutes." He answers as he focuses on the road; a sign that I need not bother him again.

Forty-five minutes is a long time. I'll have to last though. Leaving Lissa. . . leaving everything behind is hard. I can make it through this though, I tell myself over and over. I'm not a child. I can last for however long I need to. I can't be weak in a moment when my something is finally, is really happening that can help me for only good.

"You'll have the entire day to settle in," Vivian says, dropping a _Vogue _magazine on the seat between us, "tomorrow Jack will teach you everything you need to know."

"Oh good." I say.

"I'm very excited for you to meet my family, Rose. They're just the best thing in the world. . . . . to me at least."

"Awesome. . ." I know that I can't be any more nervous. All this time I have prepared myself to protect Lissa; not someone I don't know much about. Speaking of Lissa. . .

As soon as I assure myself that the conversation with Vivian is over, I lean back in my seat in concentrate. It's been a long while since I've been in Lissa's mind, so it takes an extra push to go into her mind.

The group of four are still at the gate. I've been on the road for, like, six minutes? They all sit in silence, sometimes staring off into the distance, where the SUV that I was in had disappeared behind a curve in the road.

"I miss her already." Lissa says and buries her face in Christian's shoulder. Guilt immediately hits me. I want to be the one to comfort her, but I can't since I'm gone.

"She won't be gone too long, Lissa." Christian assures her. A bit of the guilt lifts from my shoulders. At least I know that Christian will keep his promise, and he'll do much, much more.

"How long do you suppose?" Adrian asks, pulling a cigarette out of his chest pocket on his jacket and lights it. He sticks it between his teeth and smoke floats from his mouth.

"I don't know." Christian says. "Two weeks?"

"I'll bet longer than that."

"Why is that?" Christian inquires; his brows furrowed.

Adrian shrugs, "it's Rose we're talking about here."

"Fine. Three weeks." Christian holds out his hand. Adrian takes it and they shake.

"Are you guys seriously betting on how long Rose will be gone?"

_I feel so loved and missed. . ._

"Why not?"

I slip out of Lissa's mind. "Okay that's enough."

"What?" Vivian looks at me as if I'm crazy. She motions to the radio. "Do you not like Beethoven?"

"Oh," I look over at the radio, "no, that's not what I was talking about."

"Are you okay, Rose?" Vivian asks.

"Of course." I say and lay my head down on the cold window. Vivian notices and stops talking. Thank God for that.

I only wish what I just said to Vivian was true.

* * *

Forty-five minutes later, the SUV pulls up in to the gravel driveway. The driver types in a pass code at the main gate and drives up to the house. I take out my earphones and stare up at the house, my jaw falling to the car floor. The Conta house is very modern, with three stories of some white stone and a pretty brown roof. Floor-to-ceiling windows line many of the rooms; in need of privacy. Of course, I'm also baffled by the three-car garage and stone statues of what I believe to be Cupid and some other figures. The driver pulls out of the driveway and disappears around the corner. I wonder where he is going, but quickly swipe that thought away when Vivian welcomes me inside.

If I thought the outside was amazing, the inside is just plain _stupefying_.

Each room has vaulted ceilings, high and long. The living room is something I could only dream of; with white leather couches (how there are no stains, I have no idea), and a gigantic fireplace that Santa could surely fit through. The rest of the downstairs consist of seven other rooms that I have no idea what they have in them.

Vivian leads me upstairs, which is mostly the same as downstairs. To my left is a huge room with oak doors that have owl and goddesses carvings on them. The same with white leather couches, white carpet, and a huge plasma screen TV. I follow Vivian to the end of the hall and into a darkened room. She flicks on a switch that lights up the room.

"This, Rose, is your room." Vivian says, motioning around the room.

It's not a crappy room that nannies or maids get thrown in in movies. Instead, my room has a king-size bed, plasma TV, white leather couch, a bookcase with each shelf covered with books, and floor-to-ceiling windows.

I turn to Vivian with hopeful eyes, "can I. . . look in the bathroom?"

Vivian laughs and says, "go right ahead."

I run over to the door I assume is the bathroom and flip the switch. I'm immediately overtaken with a gasp. A gigantic shower that could fit a Mini Cooper (six nozzles) and everything else a bathroom could ever need.

"Rose?" I turn back to Vivian, flipping off the switch.

"Your house is gorgeous, Ms. Conta." I tell her, a little embarrassed that I'm baffled by a house.

"Please," she says, "call me Vivian."

I nod. I think about the house that Dimitri and I had scouted that one time; how the guardians had seemed like just ordinary house guests, or so I assumed. All I really know is that I will _so _like this house.

"So why don't you unpack and make yourself comfortable." Vivian suggests. "I'll be downstairs cooking lunch."

"Don't you have. . . like, personal chefs for that?" I ask.

Vivian giggles and waves her hand. "We don't live in _complete_ luxury, Rose."

Vivian leaves the room, giving me all the time I need to give a girly squeal. I jump into the bed, wrapping my arms around plush pillows and relaxing every tense muscle I have in my body. I allow myself ten minutes to enjoy the grandeur before I start unpacking. I hang all my clothes in the walk-in closet, putting all my shoes on a rack.

I walk back over to my suitcase on the bed and start unpacking my books when I see something out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head to see a little girl in the doorway of my bedroom. She has fiery red hair and emerald green eyes; very pretty for, what? A six or seven year-old?

"Hello. . . . . ?" I shut my suitcase and walk over to the red-haired girl. I bend down on my knees to get eye-level with her. "You must be. . ."

I try to find a name. I know that Vivian told me about her kids.

"Alexis Conta." The girl says.

"Ah," I say, "nice to meet you, Alexis."

"Who are you?"

I purse my lips, looking for the right words to say. "Well, I'll give it to you straight. That okay?"

"I guess so."

"I'm a temporary guardian for you and your family." I tell her. "I protect you from the danger-"

"I know what guardians do." Alexis points out.

"Sorry."

"Do you like Goldfish?"

"Do I like what?" I ask. Did I hear her right?

"The card game. You know, Goldfish?"

"Um, you mean Go Fish, right?"

Alexis scunches her nose. "I guess so."

"What about it then?"

"Do you want to play?"

"Uh. . ." I pat her shoulder. Before I have time to answer tiny Alexis, Vivian comes walking upstairs. She looks to me and then Alexis and gives a big smile.

"Rose, I guess you've met Alexis." She says motioning to the little girl in front of me.

I stand up and clear my throat. "Yes ma'am."

"Is that your name?" Alexis looks up at me, squinting her eyes.

I nod. "Rose is the name."

"I like roses." Alexis says to herself. She looks up at her mother and says, "can we plant roses in the garden?"

"Alexis, why don't you go downstairs and eat." Vivian says. The little ball of energy sprints towards the stairs without looking back.

"She's cute." I say, staring off at Alexis.

"Yes, very." Vivian agrees. "You'll meet the others at dinner."

"Not now?" I ask, a little sad.

"Wren is fourteen, you know, typical teenager." Vivian explains. "And Henry is in his room for the day."

"Oh."

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes ma'am."

"There's pb and j downstairs if you want some."

I nod and walk the same path that Alexis did. I don't hear Vivian follow me so I just start walking faster and faster until I'm downstairs. Since I didn't get to eat breakfast, I'm starving; my stomach grumbling every once in a while.

The kitchen is the same as every other room. A huge space with white cushioned stools and marble counter-tops. Alexis is nowhere to be seen. I wonder if she's with a feeder. I shudder just thinking about a five year-old drinking blood. . .

A stack of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches sit on the island, and I dive right in, stuffing as many of the tiny sandwiches as my mouth will allow me to devour. I look around the kitchen, thinking about how it's probably only used by guardians and any other Dhampirs that might visit. I also think about what my life will be like here. I won't get the luxurious treatment as I am today; I'll be working my butt off to protect these four. But I do know one thing. . .

I'm going to love it here.


	12. Chapter Twelve

I wake up in a messy tangle of blankets and fluffy pillows. Light streams through the open windows. I throw on a turtle-neck sweater and shut my curtains. The Conta family lives on a normal time schedule, unlike the academy. Most of the windows in the house are tinted to keep out the harsh sunlight that Moroi can sometimes despise. It's my second day here, and already am I nervous to start my work as guardian. It's too early to start training with Jack Chang; I haven't even met him and he sounds intimidating. Though I know that I'll be the astute one. A lot of things are supposed to happen today. I'll be on my first day, learning new things and the necessaries to keep the family safe. I'll also be meeting Wren and Henry Conta for the first time. My new - and unfamiliar charges - make me worry about what they'll think of me. Surely they'll be fine with me, being a guardian and all.

_But you're not a guardian. _My mind seems to remind me.

"Shut up." I tell myself and pull on some jeans and tie my tennis shoes.

Since everyone is asleep, I tiptoe downstairs and into the kitchen. Vivian Conta must not know how to feed Dhampirs because the only things in the fridge are cheddar cheese, green grapes, and a glass of mango juice. Where's the sandwiches I had yesterday? Shouldn't there be the supplies to make more?

I take the grapes and the glass of mango juice, shoving the bottle under my arm, and shut the fridge with my foot. I make my way into the massive dining room and seat myself at the head of the table. The chairs look like thrones, with the most comfortable cushions for my bottom to sit on. I attack the grapes with vicious hunger. I never knew I could be _this _hungry in my life. Maybe it's my anxiety. . . . . ?

The grapes are gone in ten minutes, tops. I load all my dishes into the dishwasher and press the _On _button. Hopefully that'll work. Next up is searching this castle (maybe a tiny exaggeration). I walk around the rest of the bottom floor, finding another dining hall, three guest bedrooms, and an art room. Two art easels stand near the windows with in-progress pictures being painted on them. One I make out to be rows of trees in an orchard. The other I believe to be a meadow with dandelions and some other weird flower. I figure I'm not supposed to be in here, so I leave the room, shutting the door quietly behind me.

Upstairs isn't a mystery to me; bedrooms and bathrooms and a huge game room is all it is. I have no reason to go snooping up there. All the bedrooms are probably for the kids and Vivian, and Jack Chang (is he even real?). There's only two things that are a mystery to me in this house. The third floor, which I have no idea what it holds inside, and two large doors twice my size at the end of the hall. I make my way towards it and stop as soon as I'm closer to it. Like many of the other doors, the heavy oak doors have delicately carved figures on them. Angels and owls and flowers almost seeming real as they pop out of the door. I look behind my back to make sure no one sees me slip in, and then slide in.

What's behind the door is not what I expect.

It's almost like a church, but with the walls covered in books. Each wall has bookshelves reaching up to the towering ceiling. Ladders lead to balconies with even more books covering the stone walks. One wall has huge scary windows, with iron bars blocking much of the window, making shadows dance across the stone floor. It's almost as if I have walked from the modern-day to a medieval-looking library. The stone floors are paved with cracks and crevices, old rugs covering some ugly spots. A huge desk sits by the vampiric-looking window, the legs have carvings of scrawny demons reaching out, as if they're begging for help.

I crunch my nose. "definitely not my furnishing style."

What's even more weird are the arm-less and without-body statues of evil demons and naked women. I mean, talk about creepy.

"Fascinating, isn't it?" The booming voice makes me jump out my skin. I turn and scan the room for the owner of the voice. I see no one. The corners are darkened with demonic shadows that make my skin crawl.

"Who's there?" I ask, creeping along the wall, closer and closer to the door. I don't know who, or what, is hiding in this room.

A man appears from a place I had already looked at. I feel like my eyes are playing tricks on me, because for some reason, this guy is _beyond gorgeous. _Like, the kind of hot that makes girls faint. . . I think.

"Who the heck are you?" I ask.

The guy laughs and holds out his hand. "Julius Conta."

He's too young to be Vivian's husband - or so I think. If he is, I think I might just vomit from the thought. . .

"Rose Hathaway." I shake Julius' hand.

Julius gives me a flashing smile that reminds me of Adrian's flirtatious ways. His looks are different though. He has shiny brown hair and twinkling viridian eyes, - sort of like Alexis' - but they have this stone-hard look to them, like he's putting a wall to where you can't, you just can't look in his eyes.

"I thought Vivian only had three kids?"

"She does."

"Then who exactly _are _you?" I gulp and ask.

"I'm her nephew."

I give him an unsure glance. "Vivian didn't mention that her nephew would be here."

"She doesn't like to talk about me much."

"Well, Julius," I say, "you have an awesome time reading books. . . . . or whatever you do in here."

"Leaving so soon?"

"Yeah, I have to. . . . c-check the perimeter for threats." I make up the excuse right on the spot. "You know, guardian stuff."

"Ah," Julius stares at me with those dark ocean eyes. I make sure not to focus on them, though. Instead, I focus on the books behind me, "guardian stuff. I understand."

"Good for you."

"Why don't you take a book for your entertainment?" He offers.

"I can't borrow my charges' books."

"Sure you can."

"I have my own books, thank you very much."

"You don't have any of these." Julius motions around the room.

He scans the bookshelves and seems to find a particularly interesting one. He backs up and starts to fumble through the long bookshelf. It's my chance to leave this room, this scary, medieval-feeling room, and to leave Julius Conta to do whatever the heck he wants to do in this room. But there's something that keeps me here; I'm interested in what book he'll choose for me.

"Here," Julius hands me a book, "you'll enjoy it. I can see you're the kind of person that'll like this one."

I look down at my hands where Julius has placed a book. I immediately hand it back to him after barely looking at the cover.

"I am _not _reading _Romeo and Juliet_." I tell him.

Julius frowns and says, "well, why not?"

"Juliet is, what, Like thirteen or something?" When I see Julius give a slight nod, I continue, "she's thirteen and she commits suicide _because of love._"

"It's very tragic." Julius admits. "But love cannot be stopped."

"No point in killing yourself." I point out. "She could have lived, you know."

"If you loved someone with all your heart, someone you couldn't live without," Julius steps closer to me, "and that person died, or you couldn't be with him, wouldn't you kill yourself to be with The One."

I push the book away from me. "If 'The One' means I have to hang myself or stab myself, I think I'll just live through the pain."

Julius sighs and looks up at me.

"Here's how it's gonna work." Julius lifts one of my arms and tucks the small paperback under my arm. "You're going to read it, and report back to me afterwards. If you like it, I'll recommend another book; if you don't like it, I'll never have another conversation with you ever again."

I sigh as I play with the hem of my sweater. "That a promise?"

Julius puts his fingers over his heart, making an X shape with his long, slender fingers. "Cross my heart and hope to die."

"Whatever." I mutter and turn to leave. Julius doesn't stop me, and as soon as I hear the door shut behind me, I run back up to my room and slam the door shut. I look around the room for any signs of a living creature, nothing. I flick on the light in the bathroom and walk over to the trashcan, throwing the book in it.

"Pure and utter garbage." I say, and turn away from the trashcan. I can only keep my mind focused on one thing; one thing that I 'cross my heart and hope to die'.

That I will never speak to Julius Conta ever again.

* * *

I meet Jack Chang on the way outside to meet him. We both nod and say our hello, but it doesn't go any farther than that. He's an older male, with short-cropped black hair a deep Chinese accent. He doesn't seem bad for a fellow guardian; I'm just glad I'll have someone I like working with me.

"We'll check the perimeter first." Jack Chang informs me.

"Sure thing." I nod.

We start from the locked gate and make our way around the left side of the iron-wrought fence. Both Jack and I walk at a slow pace with our hands behind our back and our chins held high. I kind of like this feeling, like I'm a real guardian. Maybe it will not be all that bad, being away from St. Vlad's for a while. Except for the fact that I'll be seeing Julius Conta around the mansion. . . . . . .

It's a long time before we reach the back gate. I'm immediately taken a-back. Something I hadn't seen before stands right before me.

"They have a frickin' pond!" I look out at the quiet waters, the lily pads that float along with the window with no purpose at all. The green grass is perfectly shaven down to give the perfect view of a pond.

"There's a lake farther back." Jack says, pointing out to the rolling hills behind the tall gate.

"God, this is my Barbie dream house." I say with gleaming eyes.

"Excuse me," Jack says, "Barbie what?"

I wave my hand. "Nothing."

We walk the rest of the perimeter, making sure to keep in line of the protection; the dome. Once we get back to the house, Jack tells me that I'm off for the day. Seems easy enough; check the perimeter, report to Jack if I notice any mysterious activity. I return to my room with only one thought in my head; one though intruding all others. A thought where I hesitate to take action. . .

I go into the bathroom and slowly but hesitantly, pick up _Romeo and Juliet._


	13. Chapter Thirteen

I sit with my legs tucked under me on the couch and a huge smirk on my face. The peace and quiet around me never seems to dissolve, so it's easy to lose myself in thought every once in a while. I guess that's why Jack and I couldn't seem to keep our heads in the game. That, or we were both so winded up and tense, waiting to jump up and grip our stakes if needed. My real guardian work had started yesterday. I didn't have time like these to always sit back and relax. I always have to be on alert, which isn't really all that hard, and with Alexis here beside me, I needed to make sure she was safe if someone or something were to attack.

Even so, I keep one of my eyes steadily on the game in front of me. Looks to be a tie from my positions and Jack's. Jack Chang lifts his hand to make a move, and pushes his last pawn closer to my bishop.

"Your turn." I flit my eyes up at Jack and see a large grin start to form on his face. It doesn't trigger any anger whatsoever. He's my partner, the only other guardian I have. I've always been surprised by how the big family only had two guardians. Then again, there _is _a shortage on dhampir guardians. . .

I move my queen in front of his pawn, but it's not to where I can get it. Jack takes no time moving forward. . . . .

Right in front of my king.

"Checkmate," Jack says.

I really have nowhere to move. My bishops and pawns block all other ways out of the stupid place.

"Fine," I growl, "you win."

I scoop up the pieces that lay beside me - all of Jack's pawns and other pieces - and begin setting up for the next game.

"Can we play Go Fish after this?" Alexis asks, her big eyes staring up at me. I hesitate to telling her no, so instead I go another way.

"Maybe, sweetie," I pat her hand softly and she squeezes mine.

I really don't know what it is with Alexis. It was four days ago that I came here, and she already loved me. She always wanted to be beside me and help me with my dhampir duties. It's as if I have a shadow following me everywhere, no matter what.

"We can't go fishing in the pond or lake " Jack tells us, putting his king back in place.

I laugh and say, "Go Fish isn't, like, where you actually go fishing. It's a card game."

Jack grunts, "Never heard of it."

"The rules are pretty simple," I say.

"Play with Rosie and me and I can tell you the rules!" Alexis blurts out.

"We'll see," the other guardian says, which makes the edges of Alexis' mouth curl upwards. She jumps up from her spot on the floor by the couch and begins to dance around carelessly. Such a young soul with no worries.

"Ready?" Jack asks.

"Ready," I say, and start to move my pawn when the door opens.

I hear the pounding of feet against the marble-floored entrance and on the plush carpet of the living room. Two more sets of footsteps follow. I immediately jump up and grab the stake attached to my belt. I shove Alexis behind me and face whoever just came in.

Vivian.

And two other children.

I lower my weapon and shove it back in its place. Beside me, Jack stares at me with what I think is a bit of awe. Maybe he didn't expect someone like me to react so fast and swiftly. If he is impressed with me, he'd have a frickin' heart attack if he met Dimitri.

Vivian steps forward with a hard look on her. I don't know if she's happy, mad, sad, or none. She opens her mouth but doesn't say anything, which I find awkward and plain weird.

I take in the two children behind Vivian who I assume are her two other children.

The girl is about thirteen or fourteen, and has soft blonde hair that almost looks bleached from afar. The tan skin and lapis lazuli eyes make her look even more like her mother, but everything else about her screams "Self-conscious". Her entire face seems to be frowning; her eyes, her mouth, and her posture in general radiates sadness and anger.

The boy is a a great difference from the eldest girl. His dark red hair is almost brown in a way, making it look like newly polished hardwood, and his green eyes. . . it shakes me to my core that he has a slight resemble to Mason Ashford.

I recover quickly, shoving all thoughts of my dead friend in the back of my mind. I don't feel like crying or anything in front of everyone.

"Hi, Ms. Conta," I say.

"Please, Rose, call me Vivian," she tells me and I nod. "These are my other two children I told you about. Do you remember me talking about them, Rose?"

"Yes ma'am," I say.

"Well then," Vivian nods to Henry, "that's Henry." She puts her hand on the older girl's shoulder. "This is Wren."

"Hello." I wave my hand slightly.

Henry waves big and I try not to pay him any attention. Not with him looking so much like Mason. . .

Wren grunts and says, "since when did we start housing blood whor-"

"Wren!" Vivian stops her as soon as possible, a look of unbelief on her face. She looks up at me, ready to forgive for her daughter's rudeness. I raise a hand to stop her, and step closer to Wren.

"I'm Rose Hathaway." I tell her. "I'm your family's temporary guardian until your mother can find a permanent replacement to take care of your family."

"Turn around." Wren instructs me.

"What?"

"Turn around."

I turn around and feel Wren lift my ponytail. A few minutes pass before she drops my hair and sighs.

"I think of the two Molnija marks on the back of my neck, wondering what Wren thinks of them.

"No Promise mark." Wren points out. "You're still a novice."

"For a little while." I answer.

"Two words, Rose Hathaway," says Wren.

"Hm?" I say.

Wren steps closer to me so that we are only inches apart. She's shorter than me, reaching only to my chest. I don't let the fiery anger inside of me flare up; I won't get mad at a girl.

"_Not impressed_." Wren turns on her heel and storms off. As soon as she's gone, silence drops into the room. No one says anything. Instead, we all look at the place that Wren just left from.

"Rose," Vivian breaks the awkward silence, "I'm so sorry for my daughter's behavior."

"It's fine." I say.

"She doesn't mean to be offensive," says Vivian.

"Trust me, no offense is taken," I reassure her. I didn't really feel all that mad at Wren. What's it to me if some young, misled teenager says she's not impressed?

"I suppose this chess game is over." Jack says sullenly.

"I guess so." No one's in the mood to play another fun game of chess; not with what just happened. I start to walk towards the stairs, but stop when Henry steps forward.

His bright blue eyes sparkle up at me. "So you're going to be a guardian?"

"Yes."

Henry puffs out his chest, trying to act bigger and stronger. "I'm going to be a guardian too."

"Oh." Vivian looks down at her son, embarrassed.

I bend down and look at Henry. "It doesn't work that way, honey."

"Well, why not?" Henry asks.

I'm surprised that an eight year-old like Henry doesn't know about the difference between Moroi and dhampirs. Moroi don't become guardians.

I look up at Vivian and say, "I'll explain one day."

"Okay." Henry says, a little bummed out.

I don't look at Henry anymore, afraid that if I do, it'll spark unwanted memories and feelings inside of me. I glance at Jack, then Vivian, and walk to the stairs without looking back.

The whole time something stirs inside me. . .

* * *

I wait until I'm in my room to let the tears fall. Usually I wouldn't cry, but Henry's appearance had stirred that feeling that I always had when I thought about Mason.

Mason.

Is it fair that my charge's son looks my like my deceased best friend? Is it some cruel trick that my eyes are playing on me, or did I really just see a smaller version of poor Mason?

_Get a hold of yourself, Rose_. I remind myself, sniffing back the tears that came forward so easily.

Maybe I'm not crying just because of Mini-Mason. Maybe I'm crying because of Dimitri, because of the way he left with Tasha, the way he kissed me the night before he left. Maybe because I left Lissa, because Mason is dead and I was given the Molnija marks.

I don't bother getting up from my spot on the ground. Instead, I sit there and stroke the Molnija mars that I received from the killing of Isaiah and Elena. I had killed Mason's killers, the one that had snapped his neck so swiftly and gracefully. Was that something? I had avenged Mason and killed the two Strigoi that had held us captive and fed from Eddie.

No, that's not fair.

I lean against the wall and take deep, long breaths. I remind myself that it will be okay, that Mason isn't mad at me or sad because of his death. Maybe he's happy somewhere. Somewhere I know he'll be safe from the ugly hands of the Strigoi that had murdered him.

I don't know when, or how, but I soon drift off to sleep.

* * *

I wake up a few hours later and stand. The tears have long since dried, and I look in the mirror to see the wetness in my eyes. I dab at the edges of my eyes until I look fine again. I turn and look around my room, settling my eyes on the book on my bed. I pick up the paperback and walk out of my room, heading straight for the library.

I haven't talked to Julius Conta in two days. I had promised myself that I would never talk to him again, and I wouldn't. I just wanted to drop off the book and leave as fast as possible. It's strange though. Julius is never seen around the house, or with his aunt or cousins. I sometimes wonder if he's a long-dead ghost that came to haunt the Contas, but that can't be true seeing as I saw him living and breathing and all.

I slip into the room making sure that no one sees me walk in. I check each corner to make sure that Julius isn't hiding in one like he was last time. After that, I put the book back in place and begin to make my way to the door. . .

Only for it to be blocked by Julius Conta.

"Were you really going to leave without saying a 'hello, how do you do' to me?" He says, lifting an eyebrow.

"I thought you weren't here." I say.

Julius laughs and replies, "I'm almost always here."

"Good to know." I make a mental note to never come to the library again.

I stare at Julius, but not because he's handsome. He's strange to me, which is why I want to figure him out. He wears pants that would usually go with a suit, and a button-up white shirt that brings out his eyes really good.

"Did you finish it?" Julius nods towards the book in my hand. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and leans against one of the book-cases.

"Um, yeah." I say, staring down at the _Romeo and Juliet _cover.

"Did you like it?"

"Maybe." I eye Julius with suspicion. How old is he anyway?

Julius comes closer to me and takes the book out of my hand. He flips through all the pages and starts reading the last. "I've always liked tragedies, Rosemarie."

The fact that he knows my full name and not my nickname kind of freaks me out.

"How do you know my full name?" I ask.

"Oh please," he says, "don't think Vivian hasn't talked about you. . . over and over again."

"Oh." I say.

"Ah, here it is." He says, tapping the page. He clears his throat and begins to recite, " For never was a story of more woe; than this of Juliet and her Romeo."

"Look, Julius." I say. "I have to go check out the perimeter soon, so can I leave?"

"Go if you wish, but I _did _want to give you another book." He says, looking up at me and winking. God, what a flirt. . .

I sigh. "I have plenty of books to read."

"The Technique at How to Kill a Strigoi isn't a real book." Julius says. "So don't say a title of a book that isn't real."

"Wasn't going to."

"Then here." Julius shuts the musty book and puts it on the demonic desk. He walks over to a stack of books and picks up all three. "Here you go."

I look at the three titles of the book. _Still Star-Crossed, Hamlet_, and _Medea_.

"Wow." I say. "You really do like tragedies."

"You'll enjoy them." He says.

I look up at him and shrug. "Whatever you say."

"Come back when you finish them."

"Oh, I'm not coming back." I blurt out, feeling a little bad that I said that. "If you want to see me, you can come _out _of the library."

"I'll take it into consideration."

"I bet you will." I turn and start to leave the room, but curiosity has the better of me. I turn to Julius and ask, "how old are you anyway?"

Julius smirks and answers, "I'm nineteen."

I nod and leave the room with the three books tucked under my arm. Julius is nineteen, just a year older than me. Well, I'm _almost _eighteen. I just wonder about one more thing; something even my curiosity can't ask.

Why had I come back to the library?

Because, truthfully, I know that it wasn't to drop off _Romeo and Juliet. _


	14. Chapter Fourteen

I spend the next day walking around the perimeter with Henry on my tail. He's determined, I'll give him that, but it's ridiculous. A Moroi can't become a guardian. That's not how it works. Henry is living some unrealistic illusion that not even Vivian had told him that that wasn't how it worked. Moroi didn't fight; they didn't become guardians like dhampirs did. And even as Henry quietly strolls behind me with his hands behind his back, - perhaps that's how he thinks guardians walk - I find it hard to get up the courage to shoo him away. Instead, I let him walk gallantly with me, sometimes even letting him walk beside me as I walked a third time around the perimeter. But most of the time I just let him hang back and stay out of the way. I don't need distractions from eight year-old boys with improbable dreams. My frustration becomes even greater when Alexis decides to follow Henry. It's visible that Alexis looks up to Henry. With Alexis being so young, she needs a role model. Most kids do, and I just happen to be Henry's. I look back at my follower, my lost puppy that won't seem to go away, and give him a tight-lipped smile. Alexis walks beside Henry, a huge smile plastered on her face. Very silly of them to do this sort of them.

"Beautiful morning." I turn to see Julius fall in step with me, his arm only inches from mine. His blue-green eyes stare up at the cloudless sky. I notice how pale his skin is, and the dark spots below his eyes.

"What are _you _doing here?" I turn to make sure I'm inaudible to Henry and Alexis. It wouldn't be good for them to know that I'm at crossroads with their cousin. They'd probably be too young to understand anyway.

"Well, you _did _tell me that if I wanted to see you, I had to come out of the library." Julius announces proudly. "And so here I am, talking to you. Does that explain why I'm here?"

It's true. I had told him I wasn't coming to visit him anymore, and that he had to get out of the library. I scowl at my stupidity that lured one of the stranger, unpredictable guys to stroll along the yard with me.

"Whatever." I let myself heave a heavy sigh.

"Are you giving guardian lessons?" Julius motions to my two tiny follows.

"No, Henry's just learning the knots to being a guardian." I explain. "It's crazy, huh?"

"What's crazy?"

"The fact that a Moroi boy wants to become a guardian." I say.

"Not all that crazy." Julius says. "We all have wild dreams. . . and children have colorful imaginations."

"If you say so." I say, stopping to survey the pond, making sure that nothing is out of place.

Henry strides up to me and raises his hand above his eyebrow in a salute. "Guardian Henry Conta reporting for duty." He drops his hand and smiles up at me.

I start walking again, Julius walking beside me and Henry and Alexis further behind.

"See?" I look over at Julius. "He's on cloud nine or something."

Julius frowns. "Do you not support my cousin's dream?"

I groan and say, "your cousin needs to be introduced to reality. The Moroi _don't fight_."

"Wouldn't you like them to though?" Julius asks coolly.

I ponder that thought for a long time. Beside me, Julius says nothing. He only observes me with those striking eyes of his that I can't seem to look into. Could Moroi really have the possibility to fight alongside their guardians? It had been like that once before, but now the Moroi only wanted security and protection. Most of them didn't want to fight the Strigoi and endanger their lives. And another thought, why was I talking to Julius Conta? Hadn't I promised myself multiple times that I wouldn't come anywhere near the creep? I looked back at our conversation, thinking about how I _hadn't _been thinking about running away from him. Instead, we had had a normal conversation about Henry. . . . .

Was it possible that Julius wasn't all that creepy? That he wasn't the entire problem that I felt uneasiness around him? Or maybe it was, who knew.

"What were we talking about again?" I ask, pushing aside any thoughts of that queerness that I felt around him, about the uneasiness in my stomach.

Julius laughs and says, "nothing important, Rosemarie."

I wince. "Please, don't talk me that."

Julius frowns and runs his finger through his dark hair. I notice that his shiny brown hair is as dark as I thought it was in the library. It wasn't the darkness that the library usually had; his hair was just normally that dark color. "Why not? I like Rosemarie."

I wince again. "I prefer to be called Rose."

"I 'prefer' to call you Rosemarie," he says.

"Why?" I really need to fix that untamed curiosity that I have. Especially when I'm around Julius. I already know too much about him. If I stop with the questioning now, I will be able to ignore him while I'm guardian here. But if I keep getting to know him, we'll become friends of some sort, and then there will be no way to reverse that.

"Everyone calls you Rose, right?" Julius stares at me. I nod, confirming the question. "Okay. Everyone calls you Rose, not Rosemarie. I like to call you Rosemarie because. . . . . because I want to be different from the others."

I feel something in my stomach. More uneasiness? I'm not sure what it is. "Trust me, you're already different." I cover up that feeling by making a joke, which I know is wrong when Julius is telling me something so serious.

Julius shrugs off the joke. I don't know whether he takes it as a compliment or an insult, but I regret it.

All four of us reach the front door. Henry stands beside me with a stern expression on his face.

"What?" I ask him with furrowed eyebrows.

"What's next, Boss?"

"Um," I exchange looks with Julius, "lunch."

Henry frowns. "Well, that's. . . is this all guardians do?"

"No."

"Then off we go!"

I stare at Henry as he leads Alexis into the house.

* * *

I pick at the sandwich in front of me, that uneasiness in my stomach won't let the food settle in my stomach. I look up to see Julius staring at me intensely. For a moment our eyes hold, but he quickly breaks the connection and plays with his fumbling fingers.

"Aren't you hungry?" I ask him, taking a tiny bite of my turkey sandwich.

Julius concentrates on the polished dining room table. "Yes."

"Why don't you go eat?" I ask.

"It would be rude to leave you by yourself."

"Trust me, I'll be fine."

"So will I." He murmurs.

I turn my attention from Julius to the dining room around me. The other day when I had explored the house, I hadn't taken in all the details and pretty decorations that filled each room. Like every other room, the dining room had white walls, and a long window that showed off gorgeous blue Primroses. Paintings of old Moroi queens and kings and bowls of fruit lined the wall, neatly placed so that each one had its deserved amount of space. I surveyed the one painting where a strawberry had been perfectly shaped. I can't draw worth a crap, which is why it interests me that painters can capture the realistic features of fruit. . .

"Do you like art?" Julius asks, flicking a stolen cracker at me.

"Sort of." I say. "And don't play with my food." I put the salty cracker in my mouth and chomp down on it.

"Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Claude Monet. All very famous artists." Julius says, eyeing me the entire time.

"Is there ever a time you're not using that wisdom and intelligence?"

"What can I say?" Julius says. "I'm brilliant."

"Can I, like, turn you off or something?"

"Hm, I'm not a wind-up toy, Rosemarie." He says with a wink.

"Do you even _have _an off button?"

Julius ponders that for a moment. "Depends on what you mean by 'off'."

"It means that I can shut you up for an hour or two."

Julius shrugs and gives me one of those winning smiles. "Anything for you, Rosemarie."

I catch myself staring at him and mentally chastise myself for gazing. It's not because Julius is handsome, but that in the few times I've talked to him - and this being the first time I've actually hung out with him - I realize he is very open to anything, to any topic or subject. Though I haven't tested the limits of his openness. The fact that he flirts like it's completely normal and talks about books and art and crap like that just shows that I could talk to him about more than just light topics. Maybe. . .

I notice that Julius is staring at me. Well, behind me actually. I turn my head slightly and look at a door near the kitchen. I assume that's where a feeder is or something. I glance over at Julius and see his longing to go. I push my plate into the middle of the table and clear my throat.

"All done." I announce, standing and dropping my napkin on the table.

Julius looks up at me questioningly.

"You can go now." I say, not knowing whether to mention that he should probably go visit that room. Julius doesn't hesitate, and I don't stop him as he walks past me.

As he walks by, I hear him say something in the faintest whisper: "Goodbye, Rosemarie."

As soon as he's gone, that uneasy feeling drops out of my stomach and vanishes. It's not long after that I hear a door shut behind me. Pictures flash in my mind of Julius standing over some girl, punctures in her neck and blood drizzling from his mouth. A shiver runs down my spine and I push away the haunting pictures. I turn to see Vivian staring at me with a weird look on her face.

"Oh!" I place a hand on my chest. "You scared me."

Vivian looks at where Julius had just disappeared, to me. "I'm, um, sorry."

She glances between the closed door and me again.

I raise an eyebrow. "Is there something you need?"

"Oh! Oh, yes!' Vivian says, looking relieved as if she just remembered something important. She holds up a powdery white envelope.

"Your mother sent you a letter."

My heart drops.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

My heart pounds. My palms sweat.

Okay, so maybe it's not that big of a deal. But the fact that I didn't inform her about this, and I hadn't consulted her for approval or something like that. I look up at Vivian who gives me a comforting smile.

"Is everything okay, Rose?" Vivian asks, noticing the look on my face. I don't know what I look like. Scared? Nervous? Anxious?

"Um, yeah. I think so," I say. "I think I'm gonna deal with this in my room."

I don't wait a second for Vivian's answer. Instead, I turn on my heel and run towards the living. I climb the stairs at an amazing speed, and am in my bedroom in just seconds. I kick the door shut behind me with my foot, and collapse on to the soft comforter of my bed. I stare at the creme colored envelope, the scent of dust filling my senses. It must have spent a lot of time in the back of a UPS truck or something.

_Okay, Rose. You can do this_. I give myself a little pep talk. It can't be that bad, right? So what if I didn't tell the woman who gave birth to me about suddenly leaving St. Vladimir's and taking over as a guardian for a royal family?

And with that, all my courage disappears.

_You have to do this. _

I can't sit around forever and _never_ open the letter. I mean, I'll have to. Otherwise I'll nag myself until I eventually open this. Besides, it's better if I get this over with now. Now, and not later.

"Come on, Rose," I whisper to myself. "Just do it."

With one more deep breath, I rip open the envelope and pull out the letter. The words scribbled on the same creme-colored paper as the envelope are big and cursive, and very sturdy. No sign whatsoever that this was rushed or anything. Maybe Janine took writing lessons.

* * *

_Rose,_

_ Heard about your new charge. I'm proud of you. Don't mess up._

_ Yours,_

_ Janine Hathaway_

* * *

Well, I think to myself. That's not as bad as I thought it would be. . .

I reread the letter six more times before letting it fall into my lap. The letter, the writing, everything about it shows that it was definitely written by Janine. Not that I have any doubt, mind you.

_I'm proud of you_.

Those. Those are the words that surprise me the most. Not the fact that my mother actually took the time out of her day to write me a 'short but sweet' letter, but that she actually gave me a compliment. I mean, it totally takes me by surprise that she said such a thing. Maybe Janine isn't half as bad as I thought she was.

Maybe our relationship was becoming a little bit better.

I folded up the small piece of paper and put it neatly into my back pocket. It feels good just knowing that I got a little praise from Janine. Also, it feels like I'm carrying a little piece of home with me.

Home. What was home. Or _where _exactly did I call home. St. Vladimir's, maybe, but it was more than that. My home was where Lissa was. Lissa, Adrian, Eddie, and even the little cramp in my side that we all liked to call. . . Christian. And there's many more people that are home. Mia, Janine, and whoever else I care about. Though. . . it really just makes me realize how homesick I really am.

I lean back on my pillows and stare up at the high ceiling. I force myself to focus, to concentrate. And sure enough, I slip into Lissa's mind in a time of six seconds.

Surprisingly, Adrian, Lissa, and Christian are sitting in a room with all the other St. Vladimir students. Moroi and dhampir alike. I wish that Lissa would look around so I could get a better look at things, but she's focused on the front of her. In the huge room, all chairs point towards front of the room, where an raised platform stands.

_What the heck is going on?_

Headmistress Kirova appears a few minutes later, and I fear that whatever she has to say, won't be good. Through our bond, I can tell Lissa is feeling the same thing.

Kirova raises her hands. "Students, students! Quiet, please."

The room settles down, the academy students all anxiously awaiting for whatever Kirova has to say, good or bad. Wait, I think to myself, realizing something. From Lissa's seat, all I can see are _students_. Why the heck is Adrian there!?

"What's going on?" An unfamiliar voice shouts from behind Lissa, somewhere. Other voices join in, yelling for answers.

In the small chaos that is erupting in the room, Kirova is the sign of calmness and peace. Wow, never thought I'd see _that_.

"Please, settle down," Kirova says. The room is huge, yet she doesn't yell; she talks in her ordinary voice, but it echoes just loud enough for everyone to hear. "You were called here, a meeting, to discuss some very important matters."

"Like what!" A voice yells at Kirova, making another round of shouting flare up. Lissa and I share the same frustration over the yelling. All I want to know is what in the world is going on. Same with Lissa.

Kirova clears her throat. "As we know, St. Vladimir's is highly protected. Wards, guardians, and gates surrounding the academy. There's no need to be alarmed, but there was a Strigoi attack a few miles away from the school."

Lissa's hand squeezes Christian's, and they both tighten their grip. She has no idea what to feel. Confusion. Fear. Frustration. It all comes rushing to her at once.

"No need to worry, students," Kirova says with a calming smile on her face. "There have been no sign of the Strigoi since two nights ago. Our sources are positive that the Strigoi are _not _heading in our direction. But just to be safe, the academy will be taking security measures."

"Strigoi so close to the academy?" Lissa leans in towards Christian, a desperation to keep the fear out of her voice. "How are they sure their not heading _here_?"

Christian shakes his head, his dark hair falling over his eyes. "I have no idea."

"From now on, there will be _no _leaving the academy grounds. Also, please travel in small groups. No one should be alone until we're positive that the Strigoi are. . ." Kirova gulps, looking for the right words. ". . . Gone. Also, we'll be doubling the number of guardians in the dorm rooms, so you will _always _be safe and have a guardian nearby in case of emergency."

Before any chaos or mobs can flare up, Kirova adds, "you're excused."

The students pile out of the meeting hall, Lissa tightly gripping Christian's hand as he leads her out of the building. She spares a glance behind her, happy to see that Adrian is following them with a lazy smile on his lips. The trio make it out of the building without being trampled or stomped on, which I guess is a good sign.

That's when the shouting begins.

Moroi and dhampirs argue and yell, everyone having their own opinions. Lissa immediately tenses up, and walks even faster to the outskirts of the chaotic crowds. She leads Christian and Adrian a little further out of the way, and then they start walking towards her dorm.

"This is absurd!" Lissa blurts out, spinning around to face Christian.

"Lissa, it's-" Christian starts to say, but she cuts him off.

"What happens if the Strigoi plan on attacking _us_?" Lissa asks him, a lump forming in her throat. "What are we going to do then?"

"We could fight," Adrian offers, sticking a cigarette in his mouth. It's obvious he's been drinking.

"Not helping," Christian says to Adrian. He then turns to Lissa and says, "we'll figure out something, Liss."

"Like what?" She asks him. All she wants is an answer. One simple answer from someone she trusts. That's all.

Christian opens his mouth as if to say something, but soon realizes. . . what is there to say? "I don't know, Lissa."

"Ugh. I wish Rose was here."

_I do too, Lissa. Trust me, I do too. . . _

For a minute, everything is quiet. It's as if Lissa had heard me and we were sharing a moment through the bond. I want to be there, to comfort her and tell her I was here for her. I could tell her a plan to protect her and everyone else. I would do something, anything, to be there and be able to tell her she'll be okay.

"Look," Christian says. "The best we can do is wait and find out some more news."

"But we can't just sit around and do nothing!" I'm surprised Lissa actually says something like that. It makes me proud of her in so many ways.

Christian sighs. "Rose is rubbing off on you."

"So?"

"That's never good."

"Hey!" Lissa playfully shoves Christian's shoulder. He laughs and pulls her in to a hug.

"We're gonna be okay, Liss." He says, tracing patterns on her small bone. "I promise. I'll protect you."

"Okay." Lissa says, and a small part of her believes he will. Actually, every part of her believes him. If I can't protect her, then he will. It reminds me of the short exchange I had had with him before I left.

_Take care of Lissa for me. _I had said. Here was his chance, and I gave all my trust into the Ozera boy to take care of my best friend, my sister almost.

_Rose, I don't know what to do. I wish you were here to tell me. _

It's as if she knows I'm watching her, seeing through her eyes because of the bond. The stupid one-way bond ruined me to send her anything back telepathic. For once, I'm actually regretting the decision to come here.

"I don't like this one bit," says Lissa, chewing on her bottom lip. "But, I guess we can't really do anything now."

Christian pulls a piece of her golden hair out of her face, putting it neatly behind her ear, then running his fingers down her cheek. "It'll be okay, Lissa."

Lissa nods and says, "I know. Maybe we-"

I'm immediately pulled out from Lissa's mind and back into my own. It feels weird, being in my body. Everything I just experienced doesn't seem real, like it was all a dream. A Strigoi attack near the academy? How could that be real? I think for a long, hard time until I realize someone is yelling at me.

"Rose! C'mon, wake up!" I come out of my daze and look the person in front of me straight in the eyes. Those gorgeous, er - nice-looking viridian eyes.

"J-Julius?" I mumble, my mind a complete and utter mess.

"Oh thank God, Rose." Julius collapses backwards, falling on his knees. "You. . . you scared me there for a minute."

"You were worried about me?" I ask, disbelief in my voice.

Julius looks up and runs his hands through his dark brown hair. "Who wouldn't?"

I don't think about it much. Only that a boy I met two days ago is worried about me. . . Then again, wouldn't any person be worried if some girl went into a complete dream-like daze? I wonder how long he's been sitting there, staring at me, yelling my name. . .

"How long were you doing that?" I ask.

Julius shrugs and replies, "ten minutes, maybe?"

I nod. Then something else strikes me. "Er, did you walk into my room without knocking?"

"I knocked!" Julius says a little too defensively. "No one answered."

I feel a smile creep up on my face. "So you just walked in here?"

"I guess."

"Boys." I scoff. "Such perverts."

"Hey!" Julius stands, and points a finger at me. "I was making sure you were okay. . . Are you okay?"

I stand and look up at Julius; he's much taller than me. "I'm fine, Julius. Thank you."

We stand there and stare at each other for a minute.

"What do you need?" I ask.

"Huh?" Julius stares at me, as if making sure that I really am fine.

"You knocked, so that means you probably need something."

Julius furrows his eyebrows, realizing he had come here for a reason, I think. "Oh, uh, yeah."

"So?"

"So what?"

"What do you need?"

"Oh," Julius takes a deep breath. "Uh, never mind, Rosemarie. I'll, uh, talk to you later."

Julius leaves a few seconds later; I stare at his back as he shuts the door behind him. Okay, so I'm sure about two things. One, something is wrong at the academy. Something that I'm not there for. And two, Julius had wanted to say something that made him run scared. It was inevitable. Something was definitely wrong with Julius. But I can't worry about that. I promised myself I would avoid Julius.

* * *

Jack grabs me and flings me on the floor, my back slamming into the polished hardwood floor. I groan, shots of pain running down my spine. I haul myself off the floor.

"Again," I say to Jack, readying my fists for the next fight.

Jack smiles, obviously approving of my determination. "You don't give up easily, do you, Rose?"

I shake my head, scowling at the loosened hair that falls into my face. "Never in my lifetime, Jack. I won't go down without a fight."

"Never?" Jack raises an eyebrow.

"Never," I confirm.

Jack shrugs and replies with, "okay, let's go again."

I ready myself again, letting the anger that I'm not with Lissa fuel me. The confusion over Julius, too. I watch Jack, but it's over he's not going to make the first move. He's waiting. Waiting for me to lunge towards him. Of course, that's what I do during fights, so I move to the left and Jack moves to the right. I take another step, watching Jack start to move away from me again, and I go to my right instead and lunge at him. I grip the collar of his shirt and flip him over on the mat.

He jumps up, shoving me back with only one of his hands while he gets a good grip on his stake (fake, of course). I stare at him with vicious eyes, waiting for him to make the next move. Every move he makes I watch closely, registering that he's a fighter. And a good one at it.

"Go, Rosie!" Alexis screams from the other side of the room. I turn and give her a tight-lipped smile. Jack grabs me and shoves me to the floor.

_Crap!_ I think to myself, the palms of my hand smacking into the wood, my stake flying to the other side of the room.

I focus on Jack, on pushing him off. I use all my power, my strength, to push him off. I jump up and stumble a little, little black spots in my vision. Wow, he really pushes me. I shake myself and dive for my fake stake. As I roll over on the floor, Jack lunges towards me, flopping on the floor where I just was. I roll back over on top of him and hold the stake to his throat.

I huff and puff, my body complaining. "How was that?" I ask, pride in myself.

"You did good, Hathaway. I'll admit that." says Jack.

I stand up from Jack and walk over to where Henry and Alexis sit cross-legged on the floor. Henry raises his hand and I high five him.

"Point for Rose!" I yell out, a big smile on my face.

"I'll be doing that one day," Henry says dreamily. "You'll see."

I pat Henry's head and wink at him when he looks up at me. "Keep at it, Henry."

He smiles at me. "I will, Rose." He salutes to me.

I give Henry my fake stake, and turn to face Jack. "Let's take a little break. That okay?"

"Yeah, fine." Jack's voice is dry, and his face resembles a red Asian tomato. Wait, is that even a real thing?

I walk over to the bench and grab my water bottle, chugging down the liquid as much as I can at a time. God, that tastes so good.

"What's going on in here?" I glance over at the door, seeing a familiar face looming over me.

"We're play-fighting, Julie." I laugh out loud at Alexis' nickname for Julius. I look at him just in time to see a blush rising in his cheeks.

"Play-fighting," Jack says, trying the word out on his tongue. "Huh, that's a way to put it."

I roll my eyes and say to Julius, "Jack and I are training. You know, guardian stuff."

"Pfft." Julius waves his hand at me. "Guardian stuff? Anybody could fight."

"Oh, really?" I prop my hands on my hips. "Would you care to explain that 'anybody can fight'?"

"What?" Julius shrugs. "I mean, I could take on one of you any day of the week."

I scoff. "Fine. If you think so, you'll go against Jack here. Just don't get a big head, because when you lose you'll come crying to me."

"Whatever, Rosemarie." Julius walks over to the middle of the room where Jack awaits. I sit down on the floor beside Henry and Alexis.

"Go, Julie!" Alexis chants. Henry joins in, and soon I do. We're all chanting for 'Julie' to win.

"Ready, set, go." I yell, and Julius grabs for Jack. Jack gracefully jumps out of the way, grabs Julius by the shoulders, and flips him all the way over. Julius flops to the ground, motionless. I stand up and walk over to him, standing over his face. He looks up at me and exhales deeply.

"F.Y.I, it's Thursday," I say to him. "Guess not _every _day."

Julius growls and, expectantly, grabs me and throws me to the ground. I burst into laughter, rolling over so I'm laughing into his shoulder.

"See," Julius motions to me and him. "I'm not that bad."

I nod. "Okay, okay. Whatever, but if I were a Strigoi, this wouldn't end well. Strigoi don't laugh."

Julius rolls on to his knees so he's looming over me. "You're good, Rosemarie. Very good."

I realize the position we're in. Him sitting over me, me gazing up at him, a big, silly grin on my face. I clear my throat and sit up, tucking my feet under me. When I think about what just happened, I don't think _awkward_. I don't know what I feel, really. I can only focus on the closeness of our bodies, how warmth radiates off him. The scent of his cologne that smells like dark chocolate fills my senses; his eye gazing down at me. I immediately move once I realize what I had thought just seconds ago, and Julius stands.

"Well," he says, "this was fun."

No one, not even I, have a chance to answer before he stalks out of the room. Strange, I think. Te

"What's wrong with Julius?" Henry asks, perplexed.

"Uh," I wonder myself what's wrong. Was he thinking the same thing as I was? The closeness, the scent, everything? I scold myself for thinking such things, and once again I want to slap myself for breaking my swear. . . again. Would I ever learn to stay away from Julius, like I had promised myself? "His, er, man pride is hurting. . . ?"

What did I just say?

Henry seems to agree. Of course, I turn to look at Jack who's just studying me.

I glare at him and say, "I'm not a test subject, you know. Stop staring at me!"

"Let's get back to work, Hathaway," says Jack, walking out of the room like Julius did. I let out a low growl, and run out of the room myself. I head for the only place I know I can be alone in. My bedroom.

I walk down the hall, glancing at the closed doors that lead to the library, and climb the stairs - not as fast as when my mother had sent me a letter. My room is untouched, like always, and I stare at the bed where I was sitting, where Julius had found me staring off into space.

_Enough, Rose, _I scold myself, and rush into the bathroom, turning the shower nozzle on and cleansing myself with the four different showerheads. Once I'm out, I dress in sweat pants and a maroon tank top and climb into bed, my body collapsing on to the soft mattress. Though my body may seem tired, my mind is wide awake. The wheels in my head turning so much that I wish I could just shut myself down. I think about Lissa and all my friends at the academy, Strigoi closing in on them, maybe. I think about how weird it is that I'm always running into Julius. I think about the strange, but undeniable, attraction I may or may not have with him.

Lastly, I think about Dimitri.

Dimitri, someone I had loved so much, and had run off with someone else. It's been a while since I've thought about the gorgeous Russian god. It's funny how easily I'm forgetting things here, too tied up in my business - and drama - to think about that. But it's inevitable to that I'll think about Dimitri, the love of my life who may still be, and to think of Julius, who I met only a few days ago and I already feel close to him.

Questions, doubts, all things I can't avoid. I can't ignore my feelings forever. It'll come back to haunt me if I do. So much to think about. My lingering love for Dimitri, the loss of Mason, the oncoming Strigoi at St. Vladimiri's, and Julius, who I'm having a lot of inner turmoil thinking about. _Ugh, what do I do? _I complain to myself as I roll over on to my stomach and drop my face into the firm pillow. My wet hair falls around me, stringy and a mess of brunette.

Surprisingly, I find myself starting to drift off, despite the state of mind I'm in.

I eventually fall asleep, but soon see the shimmering of my dreamless sleep turn into a Spirit-induced dream. I almost yell out in frustration. I mean, can't I just sleep, but then a thought pops into my head. A spirit dream means-

"-Adrian!"


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**One hundred followers! Y'all are super, duper awesome!**

I rush into the arms of the Ivashkov boy, a big, goofy grin breaking out on both our faces. We embrace for such a long time, like nothing could seperate us. Sure, I bet Adrian is thinking that I'm going to swoon any minute, but any part of home I can fine, I'll take it without question. I take in Adrian's warmth, his scent of clove-scented cigarettes - that I actually sort of miss - and strong cologne. I back up to face Adrian completely, noticing how much warmer it was when I was hugging him.

I look at my surroundings, noticing we're standing over a thick layer of angelic white snow, a nearby pond frozen from the cold weather. Fir trees surround me, dark green covering up the long, demonic branches that look like they're reaching out for me. Snow piles on the branches, making the trees lean in awkward directions.

"Little dhampir," Adrian says. He looks handsome in the thick black jacket and his hair slicked back, little snowflakes almost making a pattern in his hair.

"Oh, God," I say. "God, I've missed you. . . All of you."

"More than you're letting on?" Adrian asks with a raised eyebrow.

"More than you'll ever know," I say, hugging him again. Adrian wraps his arms around me, and I'm able to feel his chest rise and fall with each breath. I look up at him. Just seeing something familiar makes my heart skip a beat every once in a while. It feels so good to see someone I know.

"I have to say," Adrian says. "You stand out in this snow."

"Huh?" I ask, and look down at my outfit. A black cashmere sweater and black jeans; the complete opposite of the wintry landscape. I look up at Adrian. "Well, at least this time you picked something that I might _actually _wear."

"Beautiful as always," Adrian comments, mostly to himself.

I look around the forest again, breathing in the crispy cold air. It's beautiful, the white snow and everything else about it. I bend down and touch the snow, quickly bringing my hand back to me.

I stand and face Adrian. "Maybe next time you can make it St. Vladimir's?" I ask, hopeful.

Adrian gives me a mischevious smile. "Little dhampir, I didn't know you liked school."

"I don't," I say. "But I want to see it."

"Is winter wonderland not perfect enough?" Adrian asks, motioning around the snow-covered forest.

I walk up to him and smile. "For now, it is," I say.

"How's your job?" Adrian asks, taking my hand and strolling over to the frozen pond. I stare out over the frozen water. I swear, if this were a real dream, I might just get frostbite.

I take a deep breath, inhaling the air that I can't get enough of. "It's great, actually." I can't bring myself to admit I'm homesick.

"Tell me about the Conta's," Adrian says.

"Um, well, okay," I say, closing my eyes and thinking about my charges'. "Well, there's Vivian Conta; I don't see much of her, though. Her three kids, Wren, Henry, and Alexis. The young ones are cute, but it's obvious Wren doesn't like me."

"Ah, drama," Adrian says with a deep, happy sigh.

I roll my eyes. "Then there's Jack Chang. He's not a Conta; he's a guardian. And then. . . there's Julius."

I don't know if there was something in my voice when I said Julius' name, but Adrian's eyes snap open and he studies me with green eyes almost exactly like Lissa's. "Who is this Julius?"

"Vivian's nephew," I say. "I barely know him," I add quickly, not wanting Adrian to get any ideas about Julius and me.

Adrian stares at me, scanning my face for any emotion. I make sure to wipe my face of anything. I don't want Adrian finding out what I feel about Julius when I don't even know what I feel about him myself.

"God, Adrian," I say when I see him staring intently at me. . . again. "Stop staring at me like I'm a freaking test subject!"

Adrian shrugs. "Just looking, little dhampir."

I turn away from Adrian and take a minute to forget about everything going on where I am. _Forget it, Rose. Forget Julius, all of them. _I repeat in my mind over and over again, until I'm finally able to push back everything that involves them. I take a few more deep breaths.

And that's when I remember.

I turn on my heel - which is really hard, considering the realistic snow in the dream - and look at Adrian. "St. Vladimir's," I murmur, my breath making little wisps from the fake, but cold, air.

"Hm? What'd you say?" Adrian asks, taking a cigarette out from his pockets. I ignore the clove smell and focus on what I just remembered.

"You were with Lissa and Christian," I explain, "when they announced Strigoi were nearby."

Adrian freezes, his lit cigarette just inches from his mouth. He flicks the cigarette away and faces me, a mischevious smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Little dhampir, have you been _spying_?"

"No," I answer a little too quickly.

Adrian raises an accusing eyebrow.

I bite my lip and roll my eyes. "Okay, fine. Yes, I've been 'spying'. But only because I need to check up on Lissa."

Adrian only smirks at me.

"What!" I throw my hands in the air, letting them fall to my sides. "Why are looking at me like that!"

"No reason," says Adrian, and a scowl crosses his face when he realizes he's without a cigarette.

"Don't tell Lissa," I tell him. "She doesn't it like it when I'm in her head."

"I doubt anybody likes someone else in their head. Brain surgeons, for instance," Adrian says matter-of-factly.

"So, what's going on at St. Vlad's?" I ask, using the short name for the Moroi school.

"Uh, nothing that concerns you," Adrian says, scoping out the landscape.

I stomp over to Adrian, frigid snow flying in all directions. "You tell me right now, Adrian Ivashkov, or I'm leaving!"

Adrian hesitates, but after a few minutes, he says, "yes, mother."

I don't even blink.

"Fine," Adrian says. "There's been a recent string of attacks, all Strigoi-related. And that long string if victims are. . . leading to the school."

I can't believe my ears. Okay, sure. I heard it myself when I was in Lissa's head. But they didn't reveal that there were a bunch of victims. I manage to keep myself stable and keep pressing Adrian for questions.

"How. . . how many victims?" I ask.

Adrian sighs. "Ten, maybe twelve," he says.

My head spins, and I suddenly feel dizzy. I walk over to a tree, holding on to a trunk for stability. At least until my head stops spinning. _Ten, maybe twelve_. That's a lot of Strigoi, a dozen, maybe. A dozen Strigoi attacks, all leading to the academy. . .

And Lissa.

But it doesn't make sense. Strigoi don't travel in groups. It's more of a lone-wolf type of thing. Strigoi don't band together. But what about last time? They were in a group, right? Yes, they were. The reason we went to that winter lodge was because of a band of Strigoi. Two Strigoi? No problem. A dozen? A little bit harder.

"But it just doesn't make sense," I mouth my thoughts before I can stop myself. I spare a glance at Adrian who's just watching me closely, ready to jump in and help if I need it. I wave my hand in his direction. "I'm fine, Adrian. Just. . . feeling sick."

"I should have never told you," Adrian mumbles as he walks off to the edge of the pond.

"I would have found out eventually!" I yell after him, jogging to catch up. "You know that."

"Yes, but it would have been better if I hadn't told you," Adrian says. "Lissa will probably be angry with me."

"Why?" I ask. "Does she want to keep this a secret from me?"

Adrian shakes his head. "That's none of your business, Rose."

"That's the problem," I say. "It _is _my problem."

"Rose-"

"Tell me," I demand, a stern expression on my face.

Adrian hesitates. He avoids having to look at my face. I can understand why. I probably look pretty mad or something. "Lissa's happy for you. You're a guardian, and you have a temporary placement with those gossiping Conta's. It'll give you a better chance at being her guardian when you graduate. If you find out - like you just did - you'll freak out and come rushing back to the academy, to her. You'll be irrational to leave that place; Lissa doesn't want that."

"Of course I'll be irrational," I say. "I need to be there for Lissa, don't you understand? I _need _to be there to protect her!"

"Rose, please," Adrian says. "She's protected. They're doubling security and the guardian count, and the guardians will be watching out for any signs of mysterious activity. Trust me, she's protected."

"I need to be there, Adrian," I tell him.

"No, you _want _to be there," says Adrian. "Trust me, you won't be doing any good by coming back. At least not now."

"She'll feel safe," I reply.

"She is safe!" Adrian shouts. "Rose, what will you do? We all know you can fight, why do you need to prove yourself?"

I take a step back, taken by the fact that Adrian is. . . well, angry. "I'm not trying to prove myself. It's my job to protect Lissa."

"Right now, your job is to protect those Conta's."

"They have Jack," I reply stubbornly. I won't take no for an answer. I need to be with Lissa, protect her and keep her safe and secure.

"Yeah?" Adrian says, leaning against a tree. "And what is one guardian going to do against a dozen Strigoi, Rose? Huh? You think about that? St. Vladimir's has probably more than one hundred guardians. That family you're guarding? Well, they only have _two_. What will happen if you leave and the Strigoi attack them? Tell me, Rose? What will happen to them?"

I think about it. He has a point, even though I hate to admit it. If I leave the family I'm currently guarding to go and be with Lissa, they'll only have Jack. It might be a long time before they find another guardian, and by then, they might be dead. A Strigoi's meal.

"You're. . . you're right," I speak indistinctly.

"I know I am," Adrian replies. "Just think about it, Rose. And when I visit you the next time, I want your answer. Leave to protect Lissa who's already protected, or let that family die at the hands of the Strigoi."

"Adrian, I-"

Before I can finish what I'm saying, the dream begins to shimmer, Adrian and the snow-covered landscape disappear, and I'm left in darkness. Left to a dreamless night and my thoughts.

_What am I gonna do?_

* * *

Apparently, this is the week for letters. I receive one more envelope addressed to me from Vivian, who hands me each letter with a big, smile on her face. I look at the cover of the one and only letter.

_Lissa Dragomir._

I don't open the letter until I'm in a private room. I surprise myself when my conscience leads me to the library, my mind handling too much to pick a better location. Before I sit down, I scan the room to make sure Julius isn't in here. When I'm satisfied he's not currently in my presence, I take a seat at the demonic desk, propping my feet on the oak table. I throw the envelope on the desk; it scatters over the smooth surface. I look at the letter from Lissa. Always will she come first.

* * *

_Dear Rose,_

_God, I miss you. . . That's not what I meant to put first, though. Rose, I'm so confused. There's so much going on at St. Vladimir's, good and bad - nothing you should worry about. But it's all so much to handle. You understand the feeling, right? Oh, God, if you were here, you could tell me what to do. I'm just so, so confused. You would know what to do about these problems. Not all of them are mine, either. Some are much bigger problems than that of what to wear. . . I shouldn't be joking. _

_I need you, Rose._

_I hear myself, re-reading the letter over and over again. Listen to how selfish I'm sounding. I should be asking you how you are, is the job fun, and whether or not the Conta family has any cute boys. I sometimes wish we were normal, ordinary, so we could talk about those kind of things. I'll send you more soon. It'd be easier if we could talk on the phone. I can't get ahold of one right now, though. Besides, it's easier to write things down than to text you my problems. Come back soon, Rose. Please._

_In the meanwhile, kick some butt and do what you do best. _

_Be a guardian. . . _

_Yours Sincerely, Lissa_

* * *

I stare at the letter, looking at the pretty cursive-writing of Lissa. If only I could tell how much I miss her too. I remind myself to get to work on writing a letter back to her. Not now, but later. I think about what Adrian said, about leaving the Conta's to their death. But, what if the Strigoi don't come for them? I sigh and shake my head, picking up the envelope and shoving the letter back inside. I stand from the desk and walk over to the creepy floor-to-ceiling window, staring out at the snow that falls. Hopefully it'll stop soon.

I get out of the library when I think I've been in there too long. It's Julius' turf, and I don't want him catching me. I'm finally taking action in avoiding him for as long as I can and as much as I can. For the rest of the day, the Conta family seems to be hanging out in their rooms. It's one of those days that drag on, and it sucks because just last night I was enjoying myself, with Adrian. Well, mostly. At least until I made him tell me the truth about the Strigoi.

And truthfully, I'm in complete and utter turmoil.

I have no idea what to do. Pick Lissa, the person I've known all my life, the closest thing I have to a sister, my bondmate, or the Conta family, the ones that desperately need my protection. As much as I despise having to admit it, I know that the Conta's need me more. More than Lissa does at the moment. _It's complicated. _And really, it is. All of it is complicated. Every time I weigh my options, there's always something that tips the scale and messes me up. Who do I choose? How _can _I choose? To decide between Lissa and the Conta's is hard, because I know Adrian is right.

_What will happen if you leave and the Strigoi attack them? Tell me, Rose? What will happen to them?_

"God, Adrian," I say to myself. "I highly dislike you right about now."

I have two choices. The last living Dragomir princess who brought me back to life when I died, or the Moroi family that I'm with right now. The ones that need me the most. Lissa has protection, lots of it, actually. The Conta have only Jack, and me. How is that fair if I leave them for a girl who has enough security and protection already?

I can already tell my decision will be hard to make, because these Conta's are great. But Lissa is everything. Her and Dimitri were the two things that I lived for. Still do. But she's safe at St. Vladimir's, surrounded by trained guardians, ready to fight with their stakes and their strength, for Lissa and all the other Moroi and dhampirs in the school. They would risk their lives to protect her. She has dozens upon dozens of dhampir guardians willing to _die _for her. But these Conta's? They only have two willing guardians, and that's not a lot at all. It's unfair, and it's dangerous. And quite frankly, my decision might affect whether or not they live or die. Is that fair? Absolutely not. But it's nessecary for me to stay here, keep Henry and Alexis and Wren and everyone else safe. And knowing that I can protect these people makes me want to do it. It makes me want to prove to Adrian that I'm not acting selfish. I'm not going to be irrational. That's the old Rose. I'm mature now, brave and willing to sacrifice lots of things for these people. Including my life.

It's difficult, and I'm still having my doubts, but I truly believe that if I stay, I can save these people from the murdering, savage hands of the Strigoi. The Strigoi are heartless, and they'll tear out little Alexis' throat as fast as they can. It's all a matter of time before we discover if the Strigoi come after the academy, and maybe, just maybe, they come after us. It's important that I'm here with them, protecting them from the evil clutches of the undead. Even if they don't come, I can protect them. If I'm here, I can save Alexis from the Strigoi.

I can save them all.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Statically speaking, the chances of the Strigoi targeting the Conta's was a slim chance. Slim, but still possible. The Strigoi were targeting St. Vladimir's, the academy with hundreds of young-blooded Moroi, both royals and non-royals. The school that had the last living Dragomir, and a chance of breaking through the guardian ranks and slaughtering the entire population of the academy. But, the question is, what if? _What if. _That's something we ask a lot. _What if _I left the Conta's to go and protect Lissa, and it turns out that the Strigoi come and drink this family dry, each and every single one of them. In the past few days I've been here, I already care about this family. Vivian, Henry, Alexis. Even Wren. . . dare I say, Julius. They don't deserve to die. Neither does Lissa, though.

My decision keeps changing. I can stay and take the chances of Lissa dying in the hands of a thirsty Strigoi, or I can leave the Conta's to fend for themselves, risk their everything, their lives, and protect Lissa, my bonded best friend. It shouldn't be hard for me, I should know what to do. I'm a guardian now, or at least for a little while. I have a job to do, a duty that I must fulfill. Vivian chose me to protect her family. How can I turn away from this? How can I be this selfish? Most importantly, how can I risk the lives of innocent children to protect Lissa, who's in good hands?

It's a seven hours away from sunrise, when I have to confront Adrian with my decision. Until then, I'm stuck with a decision that I can't decide. I wish Lissa were here to help me; at least she would understand. Here, I don't have anyone to talk to. This family, they're my charge. I can't ask them for advice on whether or not I should leave them in the clutches of blood-sucking Strigoi.

_What do I do? _The question rolls in my head over and over again.

I know what to do, though. Or at least, I think I do. I just need to stick with my decision and end this thing in my mind. Why did Adrian have to ask me that in the first place? It isn't any of his business anyway. . .

A growling sound pulls me from my thoughts, and for a minute I look around my room, staring at the dark corners and other places the lights don't reach. It's several seconds before I realize it's my stomach, and that I'm starving.

I glance at the clock on my bedside table, only to see that, shining in a bright, bulky red color, are the numbers **12:00**. It's almost impossible that I've only spent a few hours thinking over my decision. But, I guess that's the way it goes. I suppose I believe that time flies by when you're in deep thought, thinking over the risks of good people's lives. Obviously I was wrong. Very, very wrong.

I pull on some sweat pants, hoping that I don't run into anyone on the way to the kitchen, and a hoodie before slipping out of my bedroom. Footsteps immediately sound from above, triggering thoughts of what in the world is up there. _No idea_, I think to myself, climbing down the steep stairs and flopping down on the last one.

Both the living room and the kitchen are empty, devoid of any living - or nonliving - presence. I quickly cut up some sausage and shove it into the microwave, smashing my thumb on the _Add Minute _button. The microwave's turntable immediately starts to rotate, the frozen sausage making my mouth water.

"How can you eat such disgusting food." A voice sounds behind me. I immediately swivel on my heel, readying myself for the worst. I suppose the worst is a correct way to say it.

Wren trails around the marble island, her slender fingers making little shapes in the glassy top.

"Wren, is it?" I ask, even though I already know her name. Anything to stall her from insulting me.

Her shaggy hair falls into her face, and she doesn't bother to move it away when she speaks again. "Yeah. Rosie, right?"

"No," I answer. "Uh, it's Rose."

"Really?" Wren raises an eyebrow. " 'Cause Alex calls you Rosie, and Julius calls you Rosemarie."

I remind myself to get Julius to stop calling me by my full name. After all, I don't exactly like to be called it.

"Rose is short for Rosemarie." I reply, turning just in time to see the microwave stop and start to beep. I open up the door and take out the china plate, grabbing a fork and biting into the juicy meat. _Ready_. When I turn to Wren, she's staring at me with disgusted eyes.

"Sorry if we all aren't bloodsuckers," I mutter, biting into another piece. All the while eyeing Wren curiously.

Wren waves her hand. "Yeah, whatever."

"So, are you-"

"All right, enough of all this nice crap," Wren says, her tone of voice going from casual, normal, to serious and. . . well, mean. I'm taken a back, but try not to show my surprise. "I have some things to say, and _you better listen_."

I stand there, shocked, which isn't normal for me. Then again, nothing's been normal for me since I came here.

"Ever since you came along, everybody's been idolizing you like you're some goddess." I drop my plate on the marble counter-top, watching Wren. "And not a very pretty one at that," Wren adds.

"T-that's not true," I say defensively, my body going into a defensive mode. "Sorry to break it to you, but no one in this household 'idolizes' me."

Wren sighs. "Sure they do. Henry follows you around like a lost puppy, Alexis is a kid; she doesn't know what she's doing. And Julius acts like he's in love with you or something."

"Your point is?" I ask, ignoring the 'Julius acts like he's in love with you' part. If anything, Julius and I are only good acquaintances. Nothing more. Nothing less. Still, I don't want people, especially a teenager like Wren, to go around telling people rumors about Julius and me. That would probably mess up a lot of things right now. I'm already in a messy state, with everything going on. I don't need a hormonal teenager spreading gossip about me.

"My point is," says Wren. "This is _my _house, and I'll have my throat ripped out before I let you take control of it. You're just some lowlife blood slave that's wiggling your way into this family. And no way are you going to be here permanently. I'll make sure Vivian doesn't hire you permanently, and I'm _definetely_ not going to let you make the moves on my cousin."

"Whoa, isn't this a little out of hand now?" I ask, raising my hands up.

Wren glares at me. "I'll make sure you're gone by the end of the month. Don't believe me? I get what I want, when I want, and how I want. You are _nothing_ compared to me. This is my house, and I'm in control. You will never, ever stay here. I'll make sure Vivian disposes of you and your uselessness."

Before I have time to answer, Julius walks into the kitchen. He looks between Wren and me, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Hello, Wren," he looks at me and nods his head. "Rosemarie. What's going on in here?"

Wren spins on her heel to me, a fake, but very convincing smile on her face. In her eyes, though, I can see hatred in them. "Nothing, Julius," she says in a very sweet voice. "Rose and I were. . . talking."

Wren turns and walks out of the kitchen, passing Julius on the way out. I release the breath I had been holding in, my lungs clinging to the fresh air that I had held back since Wren started threatening me. I stare down at my fumbling hands. _What the heck did I just hear? _

"Rosemarie?" I hear footsteps, and in just a few seconds Julius is in front of me. "Are you all right?"

I scowl, dumping all the dishes in the sink. I turn and start to walk towards the exit - or entrance, depending on how you look at it. As I fasten my pace, Julius grabs my arm, yanking me back towards him.

"What happened?" Julius asks, his eyes studying mine. I ignore his stare, making no eye contact.

I reach across the island, scooping up my cup. "It's none of your business. Now back off and leave me alone." I spit and brush shoulders, almost running out of the kitchen. Before I disappear around the door frame, I turn and say to Julius, "and stop calling me Rosemarie. It's Rose. Get it right."

With that, I turn and rush out of the kitchen, leaving Julius with a shocked expression on his face. When I glance back, I think I see a bit of hurt in his eyes.

_Oh, well. Who cares?_

I spend the rest of the day locked in my bedroom, rereading _Romeo and Juliet, _occasionally having to catch myself before I shuck the book across the room or rip off the spine. All the while, my head spins, making me dizzy and dazed. I don't focus on the words, the Shakespearan language. Only the conversation I had with Wren - if you can call it a conversation. I barely got a word in.

And Julius.

If I had to guess, he's probably mad at me. Angry. Surprised. Thinking that I did him wrong. Maybe I did. Maybe I was a little to harsh towards him. After all, the entire thing was between Wren and me. In this case, Julius isn't involved. I acted out of anger, and I regret it now.

Apparently, somewhere in the short time I'm thinking about Wren and Julius, I fall asleep.

"It's all in your head, little dhampir."

The inky darkness that surrounds me shimmers and starts to disappear. Instead, it evolves into the top of a mountain, cool and snowflakes falling from the silver sky above. Below the tall tip that I'm on, large pines and the other greenery circle the mountain, forming a large forest that I could easily get lost in. The blizzard subsides into only a little bit of snow falling around me.

I take in a deep breath of the icy freshness, crispy and comforting. I close my eyes and rock my body back and forth. "I would love for this to be real," I say, peeking out of one of my eyes to see Adrian walking towards me.

"It's as real as it will ever be," he says, bundled in a itchy-looking jacket. "Have you made your decision?"

_Crap, I forgot. _"Um. . ." I stop doing what I'm doing and face Adrian directly, giving him complete eye contact. "Adrian, look. We can stand around here and argue, and freeze our butts off-"

"Not necessarily."

"-But since I'm not in the mood, I'm just going to come clean and clear."

Adrian nods, a hint of a smile on his lips. "All right. Go ahead. Speak your mind."

"I'm staying," I announce. "Isn't it obvious? What else can I do? Do you think I would really risk so many lives when Lissa is perfectly safe and happy? I'm not a heartless beast. And the only reason I hesitated was because. . . I don't know. It doesn't matter. . ."

I continue, "this is the real world. I'm an actual guardian, and my job - my duty - is to protect those that need protecting. This family needs protecting; they need me. And for you to think that I might actually leave them to the Strigoi? Shame on you. So that's it, Adrian. That's what I choose. I'm staying. Now you can leave me the heck alone."

"Now," Adrian says, snickering. "Was that so hard?"

A strangled grunt escapes my lips, and I shove Adrian playfully. He grabs my arms and pulls me into a hug, surprising me. Yet, despite the surprise, I wrap my arms around Adrian and breath in the familiar smell. Cologne, cigarettes, and home.

"We miss you, too, little dhampir," Adrian murmurs.

I smile against his thick coat, and muffle myself deeper into the fabric. Cold. That's what I am. I'm cold. "I'll be home soon, Adrian. I'm sure of it."

_"You will never, ever stay here. I'll make sure Vivian disposes of you and your uselessness."_

I recall Wren's words in my head, realizing it's true. I won't stay, not permanently. I will be home in no time. Back with Lissa, with Christian and Adrian and Eddie. I'll be back home soon. The thought warms me to the bone, that one day I'll return home. One day will be very soon.

I hope.

Adrian shifts and I realize we're still in the warm embrace. I pull back slowly, ignoring the sudden pull in my heart that I'm losing yet another part of home. Adrian is one of the only people I can see; he's the last of my home that I can rely on to see every night or day. I hope that never changes.

"Adrian," I whisper, "what am I going to do?"

"What do you mean?" Adrian asks with his lips pursed. We both focus on another mountain ridge, covered in snow and perfectly still.

"I. . ." I trail off, knowing that I can't tell him the truth. I cannot admit my feelings about being homesick and missing all of them, includin Adrian. Heck, I bet if I tell him he will be on cloud nine for the rest of the spirit-induced dream visit.

"What is it?" Adrian asks, a bit of concern leaking into his voice like water from a faucet.

I take a deep breath and shrug, shaking my head. "It doesn't matter. I'm just. . . hoping I made the right decision."

Adrian smiles. "Of course you did, little dhampir." He gazes at me for a long time, as if soaking up every feature in my face. It doesn't make me uncomfortable like it does when it's Julius in place of Adrian. Suddenly, he frowns.

"A-Adrian?" I ask barely above a whisper. "Everything okay?"

"I have to go," says he. "Someone's waking me up."

As if right on cue, my vision fades a little. I grip Adrian's muscled arm and bite my lip. I can't lose him, not right now. I haven't even gotten to ask about Lissa. And what about the Strigoi? What about them?

"You can't," I say, sounding almost child-like. Like I'm pleading that he must stay. "Adrian, you can't go. I still have things to say!"

Adrian cups my face in his hands and gives me a side-smirk. "It's going to be okay, Rose." He places a gentle kiss on my forehead. "I promise to visit you later."

"But. . . I need to talk to you _now_," I say, followed by a pitiful whimper. I can't lose him now.

"I promise."

And with that, Adrian and the Montana mountains fade into black, and I wake up from whatever deep sleep I was having before.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

I wake up, heaving and panting. My clothes stick to my body, sweat glistening my pale skin. I wait until my heart slows down and I'm not breathing too heavily to get up. I then flip on the lights and start to strip out of the clothes I'm in, damp with sweat. It is probably the third time I have changed today, but I can't stand being so sweaty.

When I look in the mirror, I'm grateful that my hair looks fine. Usually sleeping makes it greasy. Luckily not this time. I take what little clean clothes I have and hang them up in the closet. The maid only comes twice a week, and I really can't afford to waste another outfit from sweat or something. It does more harm than good. Plus, I really don't want to have to wear a potato sack until Tuesday.

I fix my hair, tying the loose strands back into a knot. It's a decent-looking bun. It's not like I have anyone to impress. I take one more look in the full-length mirror before opening up the door.

I am surprised to see Julius standing in front me.

"Oh," I breathe, looking up at his face. Any remainders of hurt or distress is hidden deeply, and I can't help but want to reach out and ask him if he's okay. I resist though, knowing that I need to _stay away _from him. "Hey, uh. . . Do you need something or. . . ?"

Julius clears his throat, careful to avoid my eyes. "My Aunt Vivian would like to speak with you. She's in the study."

With that, Julius turns on his heel and walks away. I hesitate before taking a few quick steps. "Julius, wait."

"What?" Julius spins around to face me, his face pained. He fixes his eyes on me; an uncomfortable glare. "_What_?"

"Julius, I'm sorry," I say without hesitating. "I was upset earlier. I didn't mean to hurt you."

I make sure to avoid talking about Wren. If I started talking bad about Wren, I know who's side Julius would take. She's his cousin, and I'm just a guardian. It's an obvious choice, and I make sure to tread carefully around the subject at hand.

"So you took the anger out on me?" Julius asks incredulously. "Rose, all I have been to you is nice. I've been _trying _to help you get comfortable here. I have tried so many times to reach out to you, and all you do is push me away! It's obvious you do not want to be here."

I sigh. "Julius, it's not. . . wait. Did you just call me Rose?"

Julius throws his hands up, rolls his eyes. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"No," I reply, "I mean. . . yes. But that's not the point, Julius. I-"

"Save it, Rose," Julius says, his eyes wide and raging. Vexation floods into his voice and I cannot held but grimace.

"I'm done with you," says Julius. Without thinking, I reach my hand out to his hand, but I recoil.

I shake my head in response instead. "I'm sorry, Julius," is all I can say. What else is there to say? I have hurt him, and sorry is the only thing I can do.

The anger in his face, in his eyes, disperses in moments. His body relaxes, the tension disappearing. I didn't realize how angry he was until now. I want to reach out to him again, but I am scared that if I do, I will regret it. I don't want to regret it.

"She's in the study."

I don't have time to respond because Julius walks away then, towards the staircase leading to the third floor. I have the sudden urge to follow him, to make him say something that does not hold hostility or anger.

_He needs to blow off some steam, Rose_, I remind myself. I force myself to turn away from him, and slowly and calmly walk down the marble staircase. My mind dares me to look back. I can only wonder if he's doing the same, or maybe he already lost to what his body wants. I wonder if we both want to look back.

_Don't look back._

Downstairs, Alexis and Henry are busy watching a cartoon show. Wren sits on the couch, a fashion magazine placed in her lap. Wren and her brother look up at me, while Alexis' eyes stay fixated on the TV, and surprisingly, I see that Wren has an upturned leer on her lips. I hate the way she smirks at me, everything in my mind and body wanting to lunge forward and rip that funny little smirk off her lips. I stop myself, knowing it's unprofessional and I can't afford to lose this job. For Lissa's sake.

But something comes to mind as I stare at Wren. Flashing back to Julius, I realize he was coming from downstairs. Had Wren said something to him? Was that anger held towards me not all my fault? I ponder over it. Maybe Wren said something to him to look at me in such a malicious way. It's possible, seeing as Wren hates me.

Wren and I have a stare-down, my eyes daring her to look away. Not once do I blink, and I wait it out as she stares back at me in an unpleasant manner. Henry has long since lost interest, and I just stand there, tense and waiting for the right moment.

Wren's eyes narrow and she blinks rapidly, turning back towards the TV for a minute.

I intertwine my fingers behind my back and disappear into the hallway with a look of pride on my face, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips. The small victory of showing Wren I won't take her adolescent drama. I do not want to take any of her crap. After all, I _am _Rose Hathaway, and there's really nothing to staring down a childish girl.

Vivian's private study is a hidden room off the library. I never really noticed it until now, but when I enter through the grand oak doors, I can only mouth a wow. The study is modern, with white furniture and great big windows letting in lots of light. Tan walls and a bookshelf with pictures of the children and stacks of clean-cut papers scattering across the room.

"Rose," Vivian smiles. She gestures to a seat near the white desk. "Please, take a seat."

I look around to make sure we are the only two in the room, then take a seat in the hard chair. I scoot around in it uncomfortably for a few minutes before eventually settling down. I allow my arms to rest on the arms, made of the same hard material. I also manage to keep that guardian air about me, the one that makes me seem alert and ready to take on an army of hungry Strigoi.

"Rose." Vivian takes a seat in her comfortable desk chair, tucking her legs under it. She places her elbows on either side of her, intertwining her fingers and resting her chin on them. "I cannot help but notice that you are. . . lacking as a guardian here in my household."

"Excuse me?" I ask in utter shock. I quickly reevaluate what I just said. "Sorry. I mean, what. . . what makes you think that?"

Vivian shrugs. "In some areas of being a guardian, you seem to be absent in knowing your duties as one. There is a precise way of running this house, Rose, and you are not doing it correctly."

I gulp and nod in response.

Vivian continues, "I have had to make many arrangements with Jack concerning guardian duties. It is not only for the lack you are showing, but also for the safety and protection of my children."

I bite my lip. Is everyone turning on me today? "Miss Vivian, if I may speak, I-"

"You may," Vivian says, motioning with her hands.

I nod. "I really don't think I'm lacking as a guardian. My training underwent some very difficult procedures, and I know exactly what I'm supposed to do. It's a possibility that because you do not see me often around the house, that you think I am absent most of the time."

I try to sound as professional as I can in this situation. "Believe me, I am as concerned about everyone's safety. I assure you that whatever you have heard or seen is incorrectly regarded."

Vivian tsks me and leans back in her chair. "Are you saying that someone in this house is influencing my opinion about your duties?"

My face goes slack, my mind freezing. "Um, o-of course not, Miss," I struggle to speak. "I'm only saying that I am doing my best as a guardian."

Vivian thinks about this for a moment, staring blankly before her at the clean desktop. I wait for her to speak, playing with my fingers until her mouth opens, then closes. _I'm dead_, I think to myself. _I'm so dead. I'm gone. This is it. Goodbye, Montana mountains. _This is what I wanted after all. To go home. To go back to Lissa and St. Vladimir's. Maybe I'll finally get what I want, for once.

"Perhaps I can give you one more chance, Guardian Hathaway," Vivian says with a wink. "I only hope you will try harder. I hope you understand why I needed to speak about this matter."

"I understand completely."

"Well, with that out of the way!" Vivian says cheerfully, closing the file in front of her. "Rose, I am very excited that you are our guardian."

I'm confused at her sudden change of attitude, emotions. All of a sudden I just went from lacking in guardian duty to being a good one. Strange, but I decide to play along with it.

"Why is that, Miss Vivian?" I ask, squinting up at her as she stands. The sun blinding my sight.

"Oh, please, call me Vivian," she says with a laugh. "Well, because. . . actually, I think I want to announce this to everyone at _once_."

Vivian starts to scuttle out of the study. I follow her through the library and down the hall, her red heels clicking and clacking against the beautiful flooring. I quietly observe as she switches off the TV (much to the children's appeal), and calls in Jack Chang and, as much as I despise it, Julius.

"Okay, everyone take a seat!" Vivian instructs.

I stand on the far wall beside Jack Chang, taking the exact stance and posture as him. As much as I want to sit down, I really want to prove myself to Vivian now that she's called me out for something I haven't done. Julius and I make eye contact, and he mouths something that I cannot understand. I fixate my eyes on the distant wall and don't look at anything except Vivian.

"Alright!" Vivian claps her hands together. She takes a deep breath and starts. "Children, Rose, Jack, Julius," she addresses all of us. "I am so excited to announce that all of us are going on a trip!"

"Where to, Mommy?" Alexis, the little darling, asks. Vivian smiles sweetly and looks back at Jack and me.

"We're going to Court!" Vivian announces, looking thrilled about it.

"_What?"_ I breathe.

And then all hell breaks lose.

"The Court!"

"Since when?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Are we taking a private jet?"

"But I don't have any clothes to wear!"

"I'm scared of flying!"

"Oh, shut up, Alexis!"

"Will Johnny Depp be there?"

We all look towards Henry, puzzled expressions on our faces. He puts up his hands, palms upwards. "What? Who doesn't like Johnny Depp?"

"Okay, okay!" Vivian raises her hands for calm and quiet, and she talks in a soothing tone of voice. "There is a lot going on right now, and a lot of the Royal families will be going. I will mostly be in meetings and attending to business matters, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun. Either way, we are going to spend the entire week there."

"Speaking of which," Vivian turns to Jack and me. "You both will be off-duty most of the time we are there. There will be some checkups on the children now and then, but you both are allowed to enjoy the entire week without any stress of being a guardian."

I gap. Did not we just have a conversation about how I am "lacking" as a guardian? A scowl crosses my face, but too fast for anyone to notice. As soon as we know Vivian is done talking, everyone starts up again, voices overlapping each other.

"Will Queen Tatiana be there?"

"I need to get highlights before we go!"

Words here, words there. No one stops talking, yelling, shouting, questions all at once. Early symptoms of a headache show, but I refuse to allow it to ruin this news. The Court. Moroi. Lissa.

I need to find out if Lissa will be there.

I step away from the wall and walk up to Vivian, tapping her on the shoulder. "Do you know if Vasilisa Dragomir will be there?"

Vivian shakes her head. "I don't know, but I'm pretty sure she will be. You will just have to wait and find out!" She shouts above the children's high voices. I nod and return to my place by the wall. I glance over at Julius, noticing for the first time he has bags under his eyes. He almost looks depressed, but I can see a tiny hint of anticipation leaking through his hard exterior. I tear my eyes away from him, reminding myself that just a little while ago we were arguing.

"Wait!" Wren screams above everyone else. Henry and Alexis stop talking, and Henry shoves Alexis' shoulder. She cries out, but Wren shushes her. She looks towards Vivian. "When are we leaving?" She asks.

Vivian smiles. "In two days."

For the rest of the day, the house is in complete and utter elation.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**A/N: If you got an email of this chapter, I deleted the earlier one because of a lot of grammar/spelling errors. Please excuse those. This is the corrected version. Sorry.**

Wren and Vivian left shortly after the meeting. Something about Wren having to practice her elemental powers with a private teacher. I wonder why Vivian didn't allow Wren to go to St. Vladimir's, but that is none of my busy.

"Should I bring this doll or this one?" Alexis asks me the next day while I'm packing, then repacking. She holds up two identical dolls with different outfits.

"I'm a little busy, Alexis," I say, shoving a pair of jeans in my already-full suitcase. I look at it, see it. I notice how the rest of my stuff, toothbrush, hair-dryer, etc., won't fit into it, so I throw everything out and start over again.

"So which one?" Alexis holds up the twin Barbies.

"I don't know," I breathe, "Just. . . pick that one." I point at one of the dolls without looking.

There's silence between me and the young Conta girl, so I assume she agrees with my choice - whatever it was. There's a slight plop I hear and when I look up, Alexis is on my bed and she's peering inside my suitcase. I don't know why, but I feel a particular itch of annoyance that she won't leave me alone. I wouldn't mind some privacy right about now.

"Whatcha doin'?" she asks, her voice squeaky and full of energy. I haven't had that type of energy since I was younger, and I can't help but imagine myself in the young form of Alexis. So full of youth and life. I still am full of youth, I guess, but it's not the same.

"I'm packing, Alexis," I say, as if it's obvious. It is, and I'm tempted to say, "No, I'm baking cookies instead!" Though that wouldn't be a nice choice of words - and extra sarcasm - I feel the need to do so. I keep my mouth zipped.

"Do you need help?" Alexis asks, glancing at the pile of wrinkled clothing. She also notices the unopened package that holds all my guardian stuff. Mandatory to wear on the job. It came yesterday, but Vivian forgot to tell me until today. I've been here a week and a half, so I guess it's on time. Though sometimes it feels like I've been here for years, decades even.

"Uh, sure," I say, somewhat glad of the offer. "Can you go get my makeup bag in the bathroom? Please?"

Alexis jumps off the queen-sized bed and runs into the bathroom, disappearing around the door frame. I continue to pack my bags, constantly checking how much room I have left. I am so sick of packing; it's a struggle.

Alexis returns a few minutes later, handing me my flowery makeup bag that I got when Lissa and I were on the run a few months back. Just thinking about Lissa makes me worry. _What if she's not there_? I ask myself.

_Shut up and don't worry about,_ my mind replies. The constant battle between my two sides, my two shades.

"-Anything?" Alexis asks me. I feel bad for not listening, too busy having a mental conversation with myself. I think she asked me if I needed anything else.

"Um, I'm fine, Alexis," I say, "Why don't you go find Henry or. . . or Julius and play with one of them?"

Alexis frowns for a few seconds before shrugging and running out of the room at top-speed, a flurry of red hair and a ballerina costume. Sometimes I cannot help but love her, her crazy young mind. And let's not forget about the outfits.

I wouldn't mind staying here.

Whoa, where did that come from? Did my mind just derail and make some random thought pop up? Or did I really just say that? I didn't say that, I tell myself. _How _could I say that?

_I didn't say that, I didn't say that, I _did not _say that. _The chant rages in my head. I tell myself over and over that what I said isn't true. I would mind. I would mind staying here, away from Lissa, away from St. Vladimir's.

But that's not true.

The past week I have battled it out with myself and with Adrian about what I was going to do. I chose to stay here, but don't I want to go home some day? I have to remember, this job is only temporary.

I can't help but feel dozens of emotions course through me in a short time. Sadness from being away from Lissa and Adrian - and even Christian, though I hate to admit it. Fatigue from being a guardian. Anger at _him_, at Dimitri, the one who made me ever consider leaving St. Vladimir's. He left me, and then I left to make the pain go away.

But that didn't work. I have pushed back so much since coming here. Lissa. St. Vladimir's. Mason's death. Dimitri with Tasha. To think about them, about the fact that they could be together now, in love, maybe. They might even be falling in love, getting engaged, having six children! All because of Dimitri this happened.

And I know that no longer I can hold back the anger and sorrow.

I expected this to be a normal day, packing and getting ready to go to Court. But thinking about Lissa and St. Vlad's and Dimitri, it triggered so many feelings inside of me. I want to cry, to let it out. Because of Dimitri I left. Because of him I was so focused on becoming the Conta family's guardian that I was too busy to notice what would happen if I did so.

And Julius didn't make it any better. The charismatic (even though he doesn't realize it) and annoying Conta cousin was a pain in the butt. The constant flirting, the tension in the air between us, the connection that we forged through classic literature. It all ruined this even more. How much longer would he be here?

And then Wren. The only person in the house that doesn't like me. At all. She is a complicated mess, one that I cannot deal with. But I have to, because of her childish, icky ways. She only makes it worse, and I even feel like punching her right in the nose when she does something in a smart way. I yell out in frustration and slam my suitcase shut. Leaning against the bedpost, I breathe heavily, angry, wanting to slam my fist into something, or someone.

"Rose?"

I break away from the bed that I need for support, my legs momentarily wobbly before I regain my balance. I squint my eyes under the bright chandelier lights to see who it is.

_And speak of the Devil. _

I actually wish it was Wren. Not Julius.

"A-are you okay?" he asks, creeping closer into my room, his shoes leaving footmarks in the plush carpet.

"I'm fine," I snap at him, "Just. . . just go away, okay? I'm sort of. . ." I glance at my closed suitcase. "I'm busy, that's all."

I hate how he is always in my business. I hate how he is always there or here, somewhere, anywhere where I am. And he's so sweet, sometimes. I just feel like tearing off a teddy bear's head when he acts in such sweet and simple ways. I hate how he stares at me with big eyes and. . . and I just hate him in general.

I _hate _him.

"Are you sure?" Julius asks again, taking another step forward.

"Yes," I say. I am so sick of people asking me that. I have never liked it, and I don't think I will ever learn. "Go away, Julius." He stands there in an awkward hunched-over position, as if he is scared I might hit him or something. I sigh. "What do you want?"

Julius hesitates before taking a step forward, closer into the light, and saying, "I overheard you. . . I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

Where's a teddy bear when I need one?

"I'm fine," I say. "I'm fine," I repeat, glancing over at Julius. I lean against the bedpost again, unable to hold my weight any longer. "Can you just go?"

"Rose-" he starts, but I cut him off.

"Get out of here, Julius," I warn, "Leave. Now. I'm not joking."

"But-"

"I'm. Not. Kidding."

Julius gives me this hurt look before he turns away and stalks at of the room, tearing away at a fast pace. After what I did yesterday, trying to talk to him and apologize, now he wants to rekindle our acquaintance-ship? Yeah, not gonna happen.

There is this awkward silence that follows Julius' exit. I slowly zip my suitcase up, figuring I will stick the rest of my clothes in a carry-on, and walk out of my room, shutting the door behind me, and making my way downstairs. Henry and Alexis are in the basement, playing video games, so I decide to make a baloney sandwich before checking on them. While I am making the half sandwich, I hear Alexis scream. A moment of panic flares up inside me, but then I hear Henry laughing, a choked-up, amused laugh and I realize he was playing a joke on her.

I walk down to the renovated basement with a guest bedroom, a shower, and a huge playroom for the kids. There is a crib in the corner of the room and I wonder if it is Alexis' old crib. I sit down cozily on Alexis' beanbag with her as her and Henry play some racing game in which Alexis crashes every five seconds. definitely not made for kids five and below.

When Vivian and Wren return home, Vivian announces that the plan is booked and the car will be here at one in the morning. The kids moan and groan about it, but I only get more excited. That means I can get there earlier, see if Lissa is there. I have more time to do what I need to.

After Vivian makes it clear that we cannot be late, I help Henry and Alexis pack their bags, taking careful steps for their suitcases not to end up like mine. My earlier blow-up has somehow disappeared, but I know if I call for it it won't be far off. I am a ticking time bomb now. I have to watch my temper now, make sure no one sees me explode. Literally.

We stay up late watching movies, Alexis dozing off in my lap. Even Jack seems relaxed, sitting in a recliner. Though I know he is on alert, ready to jump up and fight an army of Strigoi if needed. I have almost forgotten the world of Moroi, dhampirs, and Strigoi. There is only this family. Not crowds of teenage Moroi walking around or dhampirs going to training practice, and no Moroi politics. And no Strigoi worries or so I think.

We all say our good nights, Vivian giving me a particularly sweet smile, before I head upstairs and fly on top of the bed in second's speed. Within a few seconds and a toss and turn here and there, I fall asleep to the soundness of the night and crickets chirping near the lake.

My alarm clock sings its song of its people. I slam the snooze button and excitedly jump out of bed. I take a quick, freezing cold shower and dress in my guardian clothes. A black pantsuit with a white dress shirt underneath. I sling my bag around my shoulder and pick up my suitcase, chanting the words in my mind: _This is it, this is it, this is it, this is really it, this is it. _I am full of jitters, making sure to stuff to anti-anxiety pills into my pants pockets before skipping happily downstairs.

The rest of the family seem ready to go, their cheeks flushed and big smiles plastered on their faces. They seem to have gotten a good feeding from their hidden feeder. As soon as Alexis spots me, she hops into my arms and I am more happy than ever. Jack walks over and talks protocol with me. You know, the latter.

There is a honking outside and the family piles out of the front doors. Two black caravans sit in the driveway. Jack and I separate, each taking a different car. Vivian, Wren, and Alexis go in one car with Jack, while I go in the car with Julius and Henry. It's a tight squeeze, but we manage. I take the backseat with Henry while Julius sits in the passenger front, occasionally stealing glances with me. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife.

"Anybody need anything?" the driver, a guy named Tin, asks. He's a brawny dhampir and he stares at me for a longer second than to anyone else. He gives me a particularly charming smile, and for a second I smile quickly back. Strangely enough, I think I see Julius give Tin a sharp glare. Tin just grunts in reply and backs out of the driveway.

I lean my head against the cool glass of the window, cracking it a bit to let the cold air swoop in. Alexis rambles on about the outfits she brought for her doll, and Julius quietly sits in the front reading a book called _Ana Karenina. _If we were still friends, I am sure he would recommend it to me. Probably lend it, even.

The drive to the airport is long, but we all manage to safely get there and into the private jet. Wren sits in the front of the plane, a part blocked off from the rest by a white wall and a red curtain. Vivian and Henry go up there, too, but Alexis stays behind with me. Jack is in the pit, talking with the pilots.

The plane shortly takes off, a bit of turbulence during the flight, but no storms and it doesn't take long to arrive. Or at least that's what it feels like.

There is only one word for Court at night. Breathtakingly beautiful. I can't see much from where I am at, but I can already see some things, and those things are absolutely, undeniably beautiful. The excitement only builds in my chest, suffocating me, taking my short and quick breaths away every time I exhale. The cold is absolutely stifle here, tearing through my jacket as if it were sandpaper.

We go in groups of two down the narrow stairway at the Court's airport. Wren takes Alexis. Jack takes Henry. Vivian offers Julius her hand, but he refuses politely. She frowns and starts to walk down by herself.

And then Julius is offering me his hand.

I don't want to look rude in front of my charges', so I take his hand and we walk down the stairway together. Slowly. I try to fasten the pace, but Julius won't walk any faster. It's a slow, slow, slow walk to the bottom. And it's painful.

"I could have walked down by myself," I murmur softly as we go down.

"I know that," Julius says, staring out at the open dark sky.

"I'm pretty sure you hurt your aunt's feelings," I say.

Julius shrugs. "She'll be okay."

"I'd rather you have taken her down than me," I whisper.

"Why?" Julius asks, giving me a sidelong glance.

I shrug. "Because," I say, "Why not?"

Julius ponders over my explanation for a moment, then he looks up at me with soft eyes. "Yes, indeed."

"What?" I ask as we reach the bottom, stepping on to solid land.

"Why not," Julius says more to himself than to me, and more as a statement than a question. He then leans in and whispers very softly in my ear, so close that I can feel his breath tingle my ear, "Why not."

He walks off, swinging his arms at his sides. The others are already walking ahead and he jogs to catch up with them. I am left stunned by the jet, taking in all that had just happened. I am not sure about what happened, but I am sure about one thing. And one thing only.

Julius Conta had walked away with a smirk on his lips.


	20. Chapter Twenty

I'm in shock for a minute.

Glued to the ground beneath my feet.

And then I snap back into reality.

I run after the Contas' until I'm only a few feet away from them, slowing to a pace more suitable for my jet-lagged body. There are few things on my mind. One of them being Lissa. I figure I won't be able to search for her until tomorrow night, and I take my only suitcase from a guy who helps the rest of them.

"I got it," I say before strolling along with my suitcase.

I glance over at the Contas' who, judging by their looks, are very, very happy. I can't help but smile, too, except that Julius is walking along me with a wide smirk on his lips. I stroll up to him a way that doesn't look rushed.

"What the heck was that?" I hiss.

Julius is taken aback by the sudden hostility in my voice. "What?" he asks as if he has no idea what I am talking about.

"The whole deal back there," I say. "That was so not. . . cool."

Julius laughs. "Is that a problem, Rosemarie?"

I bite my lip. Is it? "Yes," I say, a little doubtful. "Stop calling me Rosemarie, too. I already told you."

"Yes, you did," Julius says, "but I won't, and I can't."

"_What?" _I ask, narrowing my eyes.

Julius shrugs and replies with, "Rose is what most people call you, right?" _Roza, too. Or somebody _used _to_. Julius continues. "I don't want to be most people."

"That's stupid," I say.

"We all have our own opinions." He seems to have found a newfound interest in my face, and I take it in the most uncomfortable, awkward way possible.

I sigh. "Why do I even bother to try and talk to you?"

"That," Julius says, "will always be a mystery to me."

And like that, our argument disperses, our problems with each other disappear. Or most of them, anyway. I still hold a distance from him.

Julius runs his hands through his hair, his hair being close to black now. It looks soft as a raven's feather. For all I know he could be a raven. Pale skin, green eyes, and almost-black hair. _I bet his hair is soft_.

In my head, I spell out the word "stalker." I bite my lip, sparing a glance at Julius beside me.

"Hey," I say quietly.

"What?" he asks. We start to enter the courtyards surrounding Court. There are dozens of Moroi walking around, looking at us up and down, and they all know that I'm a guardian. A few dhampirs even gnawed at me. I can't help but smile and look down at my shoes.

"I once heard this place has a pretty awesome library," I say. "Would you be up to visiting it anytime soon?"

Julius looks surprised at my offer, his emerald eyes looking me up and down, like I have suddenly changed into a different creature. I'm also stunned. Why would I say something like that?

"Sure," he says. "When?"

I glance down at my digital watch. "We'll meet in a few hours, okay? We've got after seven hours of nighttime left. Also, I _really _want to explore Court." I glance around the gorgeous surroundings.

Old but modern buildings cradling us in a vast courtyard. Birch and maple trees and all sorts of different flowers sprouting from the ground. The Court branches out, and I doubt I could find each and every secret in the cracks and crevices here.

Guest housing is a long way from here. I split with the Contas' to find my own temporary apartment. Jack and I exchange several notes so that I can take time off to hang out with Julius at the library. He looks annoyed that I'm slacking off for a few hours, but in the end, he lets me go.

I go to guest housing and find my room, dumping all my stuff into the center of the room and changing into lighter clothing, but still maintaining the guardian look.

I grab some cash and a sweater before leaving guest housing and strolling through Court. I still get the occasional glance, some of admiration, some of respect. I feel more confident walking around as a guardian, a person held higher because of my ranking. I'm no longer Rose the novice; I'm Rose Hathaway, the guardian.

I walk through courtyards and soft green grass that almost looks like it was painted on the ground. It's airy here, and I want desperately to explore everywhere, every place here. I wonder if Julius would be up to this. After all, I wouldn't want to explore this place by myself. If Lissa were here, she could show me, but I have to substitute Julius for Lissa.

That can't be so bad, right?

I find a small café at Court, one that serves croissants and hot fudge and a dozen different flavors of coffee. I order a pumpkin spice latte and caramel chocolate fudge, taking a seat by the window and eat in silence, sipping and enjoying the hot pumpkin coffee and nibbling on my fudge.

And I suddenly wonder if inviting Julius was a bad idea.

* * *

I meet Julius at my room in guest housing. He's sitting on the floor, his legs sprawled out before him, a book in one hand and an unlit cigarette in the other.

I crinkle my nose. "Please don't tell me you smoke."

Julius glances up. "Hey." He looks at the cigarette in between his fingers. His eyebrows furrow, creating a crease between his eyes. "No, not really. I'm just cooling off, you know."

"Yeah, I guess," I say, unlocking my door and grabbing my bag near the door. I slam the door after walking out and Julius follows me.

He sniffs the air. "You smell like pastries."

I laugh. "Thanks for smelling me, creep," I say. "And, by the way, I went to a little café. The food is a-maz-ing. I'll have to show you it."

"I prefer we go to the library," Julius suggests.

Julius and I walk across Court, looking for any signs of a library. We get lost twice, one time ending up back at guest housing, near mine. We finally ask someone, get directions, and go on our way.

Julius is still fumbling with the unlit cigarette. "I hate smoking."

I think of Adrian. I'm sure he would disagree with Julius. "You should throw it away, then."

Julius lets out a huff of cold air. "I can't. I. . . I need this."

"Okay, whatever," I say. I don't feel like getting somewhere deep with Julius. I don't _ever _want to be deep with Julius. Ever.

We arrive at the library, which, may I say, is huge, paintings of former Moroi royalty and long-dead king and queens on the walls. The vaulted ceiling has a huge painting of angels playing harps and others dancing.

Julius immediately grabs my hand and pulls me toward a deeper part of the library. We pass the front desk, the clerk giving us a nasty look. What's with librarians, anyway?

"Here," Julius stops when we reach the end wall, all the way across from the entrance. I can't even see the front anymore, and for a second I think we're practically lost in a huge hole of books, but I don't doubt that Julius knows where he's going. _Or does he_?

Julius shows me a book, a medium-sized one, and I recognize the blocky words on the cover. _To Kill a Mockingbird_. I realize how much of a classic the book is, and what it's doing in a Moroi library, but who cares? I also realize that Julius is still gripping my hand.

I clear my throat and when Julius glances down at her intertwined hands and fingers, he releases his grip, replacing his warm hand with the book.

"Read that," he says, clearing his throat and moving on to a corner where a pile of stacked books sit.

"If there were an earthquake, we'd be buried alive in here," I say, making a mental note to stay a safe distance away from the towering piles of books.

"We would have to read our ways through," Julius says, sparing me a glance. "I wouldn't mind that. Reading for survival."

"Ha-ha," I mutter, sliding into a hair wooden chair. Julius slides in across from me, giving me a gentle smile when he settles. He opens the book in front of him and we read for a little while. I don't feel like starting _To Kill a Mockingbird _right now, so I get up and scan through the shelves, pulling out a book on Moroi history. I flip through the book until I land on a page of Vladimir and his guardian, Anna.

I sit down a read for a few minutes. When I look up, Julius is reading his book, the novel sprawled out on the table, his fists clenched so tight that his knuckles are white. I try to look at his tightened grimace and clenched fists as I read.

I finally reach a part about St. Vladimir's healing powers. "A Spirit-user," I murmur to myself.

"Huh?" Julius asks.

"Uh, nothing," I say, putting the book back in its place. "Just talking to myself."

"Oh." Julius paused. "I'll be right back."

Before I could ask where he is going, Julius walks in stride and disappears around the corner, behind a bookcase. It's creepy being in the gigantic library by myself, or so it seems. I know there are more people here, somewhere, buried among the hundreds of thousands of books. But, in a way, I feel almost lonely. I actually fear I'm lost.

Until Julius shows back up.

"Let's go," he says and starts to walk away.

I grab _To Kill a Mockingbird _and run after him. Julius is already halfway across Court when I come back out after checking out the book.

"Hey, what's up?" I ask when I reach Julius. I am panting, out of breath.

"Nothing," Julius says. "I'm. . . hungry, that's all."

"Oh." I remember that Julius is a Moroi. He drinks blood. Human blood. He's not a dhampir like me. He needs blood. It's essential, it's his life. It's his survival.

But it still comes as a shock when he walks into this huge building and walks to a woman behind a pedestal. I have never seen Julius visit the Contas' private feeder in their house, nor have I ever thought about it.

It's almost as disturbing to think about as with Alexis. And Henry.

Before I can refuse to Julius about going back with him, he grabs my arm tightly and leads me into one of the feeder stalls, taking a seat by the dazed and confused feeder. She's a girl, a pretty one, and a young one, with damp blonde hair and glazed lapis lazuli eyes. I am almost jealous of her, her pretty smile as she turns to Julius. She's so lost, on the high of a Moroi's bite. I know how that feels.

She's also so young, _too _young, to be wasting her life as a feeder. Poor girl, I think, as I sit on a chair away from the feeder and Julius, the book lay carefully in my lap.

Julius doesn't hesitate before biting into the girl's throat. Before that, though, he gives me a look that almost says, "Sorry I am a bloodthirsty vampire of the night, but I got to eat somehow."

That's why I grimace when he bites into the soft flesh of her neck and she lets out a quiet moan.

I am quiet as Julius walks out of the stall and we leave shortly after. He dabs at the corners of his lips with a baby wipe, not even looking at me.

_He's a vampire, he's a vampire, he's a vampire_, I remind myself.

"What are you thinking about?" Julius asks.

_Oh crap, he's caught me. He knows I'm thinking about him. . ._ "Nothing," I whisper quietly, looking down at my feet as we walk.

"You're lying," Julius says. "It's about me, isn't it?"

_Is he a mind reader? _"No. I mean, yes, but, no. I mean-"

"I know it's not pretty." Julius nods back at the feeder building we just left. "But that's what every Moroi does."

"Yeah, I guess so," I say, "but I've only ever been with one person while feeding. It's sort of. . . I don't know, wrong to watch Moroi feed. Like I'm intruding on a very private moment. Like it's not for my eyes."

"If that's how you feel, I'm sorry," he says. "I promise not to bring you anymore. I was. . . I was just starving."

"I understand," I murmur.

"Do you want to go back to the library?" he asks.

"No."

"Are you hungry?"

"I ate at that café, remember?"

"Yeah." Julius looks at me. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes."

"Are you lying?"

"No. . . No," I repeat.

"_Rose_?"

I glance up from my shoes and see the silhouette of a very slim figure, female. The stars in the sky and the twinkling of the lights show off golden hair. And long, slim hands tremble.

Oh my God.

Oh my freaking God.

I wish I could turn around and tell Julius to cover his ears, but I don't. I can't. All I can do is scream one word, one name.

"LISSA!"

I scream her name, and then just scream in general, running up to the Dragomir princess and enveloping her in a tight hug. I'm in her arms in a millisecond, and I can't tell you how good it feels to be beside Lissa again, near her. I can feel her, see her, talk to her.

_Home_. I think. She's apart of home, she's my best friend, my sister. _It's Lissa. It's _really _her._

"Oh, God, Rose," Lissa whispers, "You have no idea how much I missed you."

"Are you really here?" I ask.

She laughs slightly. "Yeah, it's me. I was never expecting when I came to Court that I would see you. . . It's a coincidence. And it's so amazing."

"Yes it is," I say back.

We hug in silence for a minute.

"Lissa-"

"Who's the cute guy?" she whispers in my ear.

"Huh?" I say, pulling away from Lissa and glancing over my shoulder. I see Julius standing there, awkward as can be, as if _he's _the one intruding on a private moment. "Oh yeah," I say. "That's Julius Conta. He's the nephew of my charge."

Lissa gives me a pretty smirk and says, "Are you two. . . ?"

I gap at her a minute before realizing what she's asking. "Oh!" I exclaim. "No, no, no. We're just. . . uh, friends, I think."

"Ah, I see," Lissa says, then looking at Julius. "Hello, I'm Lissa Dragomir." She holds out her hand, giving Julius a bright smile, one that's friendly and brings comfort to those around her.

Julius clears his throat, then takes Lissa's hand and shakes it. "Julius Conta. It's nice to meet you, Vasilisa."

"Oh, please, call me Lissa," Lissa says.

I scoff. "Yeah, like that'll work." Lissa frowns. "He has a particular interest of annoying people by calling them by their full name," I explain, giving Julius a hard look, a hint of humor in it.

"Well, _Lissa, _how has your visit been?" One of Julius' eyebrows pop up.

"Oh, that's cruel," I say.

We all laugh, and I realize how relaxed I am now. I have Lissa now. And where Lissa is, everyone else is, too. All of them.

And that makes me happy.

* * *

I return to my room after Lissa promises to surprise Adrian, Christian, and Mia with me and my long-time disappeared face. It will probably be tomorrow, and I can't wait. So I take a shower, unpack my stuff, and for the first time take in my room.

It's three rooms, actually. The first room, the one I walk in to every time I enter my guest housing, is huge room with a day-bed, a desk, a bookcase, and a small table with two matching chairs in front of a big window. The other is a bathroom, and the third room is a sitting room, with another desk, a couch, and a TV. It's also where I have to hang all my clothes.

I slick back my hair into a messy bun and flop on to the day-bed with no plans except the lazy intentions to eat pack of salted pretzels and sour gummy bears, and read _To Kill a Mockingbird _until I pass out from exhaustion.

And trust me, that won't take long.

* * *

**A/N: Aah! Twenty chapters and I am no where near done. I'm so happy. This fanfic has turned into so much more than I thought it would. Thanks guys so much. I appreciate it. Y'all make this story possible. Hope you liked the fast update. ;)**


	21. Chapter Twenty One

I sleep for a long time before the sun finally begins to melt behind the snow-covered pines and firs. As soon as the last of the sunlight drains from my window, I jump out of bed, hit the alarm clock, and jump into a cold shower.

By the time I get out, it's 7:58. I have to be at a guardian meeting in less than twenty minutes. Things are hectic as I dress in my guardian's uniform (black dress pants, white dress shirt, and a black jacket) and I grab what I need. I stuff everything into a bag that I borrowed from Lissa before I left for the Contas', shoving my keys, _To Kill a Mockingbird_, and a notebook to take with me.

I am out of my housing unit in a record time of ten minutes, leaving me with eight minutes to arrive at the building where the meeting will be held. When I walk in, I am immediately enveloped in a hug.

"Rose," a familiar voice says, "you look like the guardian you were meant to be."

I pull back and look in the face of Alberta, a smile tugging on her skinny face. I cannot help but smile back. Alberta takes my arm.

"How's the job?" she asks, a smirk on her lips.

I think about it for a minute. I mean, how _is _the job, really. I open my mouth to reply, then shut it, then open it again. "It's great. Incredible, I guess."

"Good," Alberta says. "All we're doing today" - she jabs her thumb in the direction of the large table in the middle of the room, guardians dressed the same as me surrounding it - "is discussing some security details and making sure everyone knows their place."

Alberta turns and starts to walk away, but I grab her arm and pull her back. "Wait, what are you doing at Court?" I ask. "Shouldn't you be at the academy."

Alberta looks like she is taken by surprise. There is something in her eyes, something secret. Something wrong.

"Alberta?" I whisper-ask, releasing her arm from my grip. "Is the academy okay?"

Alberta sucks on her bottom lip before pursing them, then looks up at the ceiling. "Everything's fine, Rose," she says. "Things are just. . . a little out of hand. And. . . I need to be here for now."

This time I let her walk away, and I collapse into a nearby chair. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I continuously rub my eyes and sigh until Jack Chang walks in. I immediately pull him to me and whisper in a low voice, "Hey, have you heard anything about the academy? You know, St. Vladimir's?"

Jack thinks for a millisecond, then shakes his head. "Not that I know of," he says in his deep voice. "Everything okay?"

I slowly nod. "Yeah, I'm fine. Keep an ear out for anything about it, though, okay?"

Jack nods and walks away, joining a small group of guardians huddled against the wall. They talk until Alberta and another guardian, a guy named Gin, call the meeting to order. I stand up, brushing the wrinkles and creases out of my pants, and listen to what they have to say.

"Alright." Alberta pulls out a green, dusty-looking folder and opens it. She pulls out a slip of paper and places it on the table in front of her, looking up at the crowd of guardians' around her. "We will be tripling the number of guardians at the front gate, and we will also add heavier security to the airport gate. This is nothing to be alarmed about, but we will be taking some high security measures in the next few days."

"Any volunteers are welcome to discuss that with me after the meeting," the guy named Gin says. He has a thick Irish accent, and he is constantly scratching at his morning shadow.

"We are already short on the number of guardians, so we will be pulling some strings." Alberta looks around. "We'll be taking some guardians from St. Vladimir's academy and bringing them here."

Everyone stays quiet, a heavy silence grasping the air and suffocating anyone who dares to breathe it. I exchange glances with Jack. We both know - we both understand - what is happening. The academy is already short on guardians, the numbers of dhampirs falling each year. How can the Court possibly take more of the academy's guardians' without making it disastrous? The academy wouldn't stand a chance against Strigoi if they were to attack now.

"A few of you will be sent to the front gates, others to the airport." Alberta reaches into the folder and retrieves another paper. "Those that are not listed here will either be with their current charges" - she glances at me - "or off for the day."

"We ask that you please keep this information to yourself," Gin speaks above the mumbles and whispers of some of the guardians. "This is _not _to be discussed with Moroi or the guardians that are not present in this room. They will be informed later." There is something in his voice that warns us. Whoever doesn't keep their mouth zipped, will regret it. Very, very badly.

I tune out the rest of Gin's instructions, thinking about the academy. They are still losing a huge amount of dhampirs. How could the Court, the guardians at Court, be so selfish as to keep taking and taking guardians from the academy. I think of the hundreds of students at the academy. Less protection. Less guardians.

"That isn't fair." I stand up, directing my words toward Alberta and Gin. "Why are you taking guardians' from the academy? They need protection, too."

"Yeah," someone says in the crowd of dhampir guardians.

Alberta leans against the table, a sympathetic look on her face. "I'm sorry, Rose. We can't risk anything. There's no other way."

""We can't risk anything?"" I stare at the two guardians that are the center of attention now. Aside from me. "You might be risking hundreds of Moroi's lives' if you continue to take the academy's guardians'."

"That's enough from you," Gin says, glancing at me up and down. "What's you name?"

"Rose Hathaway."

Gin leans against the wall behind him, crossing his arms. His accent is even thicker when he speaks next. "Well, Guardian Hathaway, what else do you suppose we do?"

I open my mouth to say something, taking on a defensive stance, before I see Jack out of the corner of my eye. He is shaking is head. _No. _

"Um," I mumble my words. "I. . . I don't know." I am at a sudden loss for words.

Gin sighs. Alberta slams the folder shut.

"We're done for today. Thank you for coming. Meeting dismissed." Alberta tucks the folder under her arm and walks past me in a breeze, giving me a warning look.

The guardians file past me one, or two, at a time. One guardian, a man with reddish-brown hair, who suddenly reminds me of Mason, stops and looks at me. He is young, maybe a few years older than me, but not much.

"For what's it's worth, I think it's a really stupid idea, too." He disappears through the doorway before I can say anything back. I stand there for a minute, my mouth in a taunt line, before Jack stops beside me.

"You know, that wasn't the smartest idea," he says.

"What?" I glance up at him, an eyebrow raised.

"You getting all defensive and causing a scene in front of everyone," Jack says. "That isn't what guardians do."

"What?" I ask. "They don't question motives'? What is wrong with you? They just might be risking hundreds of Moroi and dhampir lives. Don't you see that? Don't you care?"

"Of course I do, Rose," Jack says. He places a hand on my arm. "But we cannot go and do things such as what you just did. We can't question the system. We keep our mouths shut, and we listen to our orders."

"Yeah, well, that's not gonna work for me," I snap at him.

Jack exhales deeply. "I'm sorry, Rose," he whispers. "I have to go. I'm going to help at the front gate. Are you coming?"

I look at Jack for what seems to be the longest time. _But we cannot go and do things such as what you just did. We can't question the system. We keep our mouths shut, and we listen to our orders_. Jack's words mock me, repeating in my head.

_But we cannot go and do things such as what you just did. We can't question the system. We keep our mouths shut, and we listen to our orders._

"No," I answer. "I have some things to do."

Jack looks down and nods. "Okay. I'll see you in a little while." He starts to leave before turning back to me. "Rose. Please take that into consideration what's going on. It might be our only choice."

He leaves after that.

_But we cannot go and do things such as what you just did. We can't question the system. We keep our mouths shut, and we listen to our orders._

His words repeat in my head, over and over again. And then I can't think anymore. All I can think is what he just said.

I glare at the doorway.

"Yeah, well, hell with that."

* * *

"And the Master said unto the silence, "In the path of our happiness shall we find the learning for which we have chosen this lifetime. So it is that I have learned this day, and choose to leave you now to walk your own path, as you please."

Julius looks up at me and shuts the book in his hand. I glance up at him and furrow my eyebrows.

"Why'd you stop?" I ask.

"You weren't listening," Julius says, switching the book from one hand to the other.

"Of course I was." We walk toward the Lissa's apartment, the house she is staying in. She told me Adrian, Mia, and Christian will be there. I'm excited, my nerves jittery and all over the place. But all I can really think about is the guardian meeting earlier today.

It is early evening now, and my mind is still racing with this morning's events.

"No, you weren't." Julius points at me. "You still are not listening to me."

"Ugh," I say, looking at him, my shoulders slouched as if I am exasperated. "How can you tell?"

Julius looks up at the midnight sky. He begins to stroke his evening shadow, which, might I add, looks really good on him, though I hate to admit it. "Well, let's see." He continues to stare up at the sky. "First" - he raises one finger - "you keep looking either at the sky, toward nothing, or the ground, toward your feet. Second" - he raises another finger - "I have been through several chapters, and you don't even know the chapter I am on."

"Yes, I do!" I whisper-yell as a few Moroi pass me, their guardians trailing behind them by a couple of feet. They nod their heads at me in a respectful way, and I remember I'm still wearing my uniform.

"Fine," Julius says, "go ahead. Tell me what chapter we are on."

I think for a minute, blowing a strand of loose hair away from my eye. "Uh, six?"

"Wrong!" Julius says loudly. Then he looks up at the sky, arms spread out, and screams, "Rosemarie Hathaway is wrong!"

I shove Julius playfully, laughing and smiling at him until he stumbles back into place beside me. We walk in silence, a hint of a smile on my lips, a hint of a smirk on his.

And then he grabs my hand.

I immediately pull back, out of instinct, and Julius frowns at me. "Why'd you pull away?"

"Um." I push back a strand of my hair. "I don't know. . . I don't like to hold hands. It usually means something. You know." I shrug. Suddenly the situation is awkward.

"Oh." Julius nods. He looks up and smirks. "What if I told you it doesn't mean anything at all?"

I stare, questioningly, at him. "Is this some sort of trick to get me to let you hold my hand?"

Julius laughs. "Of course not, Rosemarie."

I tread on careful ground, like on eggshells. "Okay. So if it doesn't mean anything?"

"Than we can hold hands without any meaning of emotions being attached," Julius replies simply.

I look at him reluctantly. And then I exhale deeply. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes!" I say in an exasperated voice.

Julius smirks, and carefully, gently, as if he were holding an infant child, takes my hand into his and our fingers intertwine like ivy up a brick wall. The touch of his fingertips against my palm send something though me, a wave crashing down inside me. Something strange, yet good.

And I can't help but like it.

"Rose?"

I let go of Julius' hand abruptly and look up the path to see Lissa, Christian, - hands holding, bodies almost embracing - Mia, and Adrian all walking toward us. Adrian smirks, a lit cigarette in his mouth. It reminds of yesterday, when Julius was sitting at my door with an unlit cigarette in between his lips that always make him look like he is pouting.

"Little dhampir." Adrian strolls up to me and suffocates me in a hug that smells of clovers and expensive cologne. I smile against the fabric of his shirt and hug him back. When I open my eyes, Julius is standing on the sidelines, watching with a smirk on his lips, hands stuffed in his pockets.

"How could you not have told me you were coming?" Adrian asks. I realize how I haven't seen him in my dreams in the past few days.

I shrug. "I don't know. You should visit more often."

Julius almost looks confused.

Next up is Mia. We hug awkwardly, but exchange words as if we are old friends catching up. We are, but it is still a little weird that my best friend's former enemy is now one of our closest friends. Funny how things turn out in the end.

Christian walks up to me and I playfully punch his arm before we give a one-armed hug. And that's all of them. All my friends. Adrian. Mia. Christian. Lissa, who I hug tightly. All of them except for. . .

As if Lissa read my mind, she says, "I tried to see if Eddie could come, but he's working at the academy. Hopefully he'll get to see you when he comes up in a few days."

I nod, smiling as my friends surround me. I talk to Christin about Lissa, about the academy. I talk to Mia about how life is at Court, about Tatiana. And Adrian talks to me in a flirtatious way, but I ignore it like I always do. I glance over my shoulder to see Lissa frozen in place a few feet away from me, her body stiff and her eyes glazed over. She is staring at something in the distance, and she almost looks. . . scared.

I turn back to see if anyone is watching, and then I slip away and walk toward Lissa. I place a hand on her pale skin.

"Lissa?" I ask, suddenly worried at her expression, her rigid muscles. "Lissa?" I shake her. "Are you okay?"

She suddenly snaps out of her gaze and looks at me, her mouth agape. She blinks her eyes several times before grabbing both my hands and pulling me further away from the group. I almost yelp at her strong grip on my hands as she drags me farther and farther away from the group.

"Lissa!" I plant my slacking feet on the pavement and we come to a full stop. Lissa is breathing heavily, we both are. She still looks scared, and I cup her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me. No one can see us any longer. We are too far from them.

"Lissa, look at me!" Lissa looks at me and gulps. "Lissa, what the _hell _is wrong with you?"

She heaves, shaking her head.

"_Lissa_." I stare at her, wanting her to calm down. "Lissa, tell me what's going on."

"Rose," Lissa breathes. "_Rose_."

"Yes. Lissa, I'm here. What's wrong?"

She shakes her head and tries to look toward the group. We can see them, but they can't see us. No one seems to notice we're gone.

"No, don't look over there," I say in a calm, gentle voice. I force her to look at me again. "Look at me. I'm here, Lissa. It's okay. Tell me what's going on."

She nods, then shakes her head, then nods. "_Rose_."

"What?" I brush away a single strand of her golden hair. "I'm here, Liss."

And then she looks directly at me, her eyes suddenly revealing everything to me. Her next words show even more to me.

"I felt another Spirit-user."

And that's when I realize.

She was looking toward Julius.

* * *

Author's Notes:

_Illusions _by Richard Bach


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

The world stops turning around me, literally. It's like everyone freezes in time and I can't do anything but stand still and stare at Lissa. I stare at her for the longest time, a million feelings and emotions running through me in a matter of seconds. I feel cold but at the same time hot.

I'm the frozen one. The world hasn't turned off, but my body has, my mind has. My feet are planted to the ground and I can't move, because I suddenly understand everything. Julius is a Sprit-user.

He's a Spirit-user.

And then it all becomes clear. All those times when he was upset, or acting strange. Or the times when he left me dangling, like someone had suddenly flipped an off-switch. The scenes in which he does so runs through my mind. In one ear, out the other.

_The Moroi history book. Vladimir and Anna. _

_"A Spirit-user." _

_"I'll be right back." _

_Julius disappeared. _

_Why?_

_I know why. _

I know everything.

"Rose?" At first it's distant, like I'm a hundred miles away from her voice. But then she touches my arm and says something to me. I slowly return to reality, my eyes still burning holes in the dirty ground. "Rose?" Lissa says again, her voice withholding concern.

"He's been lying to me," I murmur quietly, then turn to Julius. "He lied to me." But I can't really say we were that good of friends. We are just starting to open up to each other, like clams that are the guardians of pearls.

"Rose." Lissa touches my arm with the scrapping tips of her polished fingernails. "He can't help it. He. . . he's probably scared himself."

"He lied to me," I say again.

"Rose. Please." Lissa grabs my arm fully, a bit of force behind the tug. "Don't go all blank on me, Rose. Come on. He can't help it!"

I gently push Lissa away and start to stumble toward Julius, but change my direction. I drag my feet on the pavement toward guest housing. I don't want to see his face. I don't want to see Lissa, or hear him talk, or actually see him. Because he's not the same.

I don't think I can look at him the same again. Those viridian eyes will never be the same to me. Because he's a Spirit-user. He's like Lissa, like Vladimir, like Adrian. Is it possible that he is going crazy, too? That he might be struggling with the same things Lissa is? I hear clambered footsteps behind me, flopping against the gravel hard.

I don't bother to turn to see who it is. Lissa. Of course she is worried about me. I probably look like I am in a stupor.

"Go away, Lissa," I say. "I'm fine."

"Hey." I freeze. That is _not _Lissa's voice. I swivel around so as to face Julius with accusing eyes. I do not know if he can see me with how dark it is, but I still stare at him, like he's in the wrong.

"You're a Spirit-user," I spit at him. I see his body go rigid and tense in the light of a nearby streetlight. I cannot see his face, which is covered in shadows, but I know he probably doesn't look too happy.

"You finally found out," he said. I take a step back, a little stunned. Was he waiting on me to find out? "How?" he asks.

"Spirit-users can sense each other, you know." I doubt he does. Spirit-users are too rare. You don't stumble upon them often. I doubt he has ever met another one. Though I question whether or not he knows about Adrian and Lissa.

"Oh," he whispers. His hands slide carelessly in his pockets and he watches me for the longest time. Or at least I think he does. I can't tell. I stare back, my eyes still accusing him of doing wrong to me.

I finally give up and slouch, then scratch my head. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would you have listened? he asks. "Either way, why should I?"

I take a step forward, believe it to be a bad idea, and step back in the plush dirt beneath a large tree I can't identify. "I could've helped you."

A sudden rumble of a laugh erupts from Julius, and I am shocked. It is cold, humorless. I don't like it. "You don't understand, Rosemarie. You _can't _help me. It's not some illness you can cure. I mean, you can, but only if you give up your life, your humanity."

"Are you. . .," my words trail off. Would he really consider becoming a Strigoi to escape the powerful forces of Spirit?

"No," he confirms otherwise. "I have never thought about it." He takes a step forward, his pale face being revealed in the light of the moon.

"Then what _are_ you thinking?" I ask. Images flash before me of Lissa's arm, cut and bandaged, bleeding, the destructiveness of Spirit. Is that really Julius? Time and time again he has proved himself otherwise. He is always so composed, almost perfect. And here he is, revealing the truth to me.

He's just as hurt as Lissa is.

Julius pretends to play with his hands before looking up again. He doesn't look his age anymore. He never has. He looks older, wiser, and in a sense, handsomer.

"You really want to know what I am thinking?" Julius asks. "You really want to delve into the mind of a crazy person?"

"You're not. . ." I stop myself. Is he crazy?

"Fine." Julius steps forward, only inches away from my face. I don't move, but I feel so much more different about him now. I look up at him. He's in a different light in my mind now. He's different. He's also taller.

"I'm thinking about kissing you."

My breath hitches in my throat and I stare at Julius. Maybe once I had feelings for him, but he's different now.

"Would you allow me to do so?" he whispers down at me.

"No," I reply blankly.

Then I turn and walk off into the night, leaving Julius behind me to wrap himself in his sorrows while I do the same.

* * *

I unlock the front door and run in, slamming the door behind me. I finally let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I slide to the floor, running a hand through my tangled mess of hair.

Julius is a Spirit-user. He is like Lissa, and Adrian, and Saint Vladimir. Is he bonded to someone like I am bonded to Lissa?

He wanted to kiss me. _Actually kiss me. _But I said no. I told him no, plain and simple.

So he didn't kiss me. I rejected him, and I left. So he didn't kiss me. That's good, right?

I groan and lean my head against the cold door frame. It's freezing, but I'm too caught up in my thoughts to turn on the heater. I don't know when, but sooner or later I find myself crying silent tears.

* * *

The next night arrives way too soon. I dress in a hotter version of a guardian - black leggings, black boots, a black tank top and a quilted black button-up jacket with a button-up cotton T-shirt under it - and walk over the Contas' house. They have private housing at Court, and I realize that it's in the same place Adrian's family lives. I wonder what his house is like.

When I knock on the door, a butler answers with a silver tray in one hand, the other one resting on the doorknob.

"Good morning," the butler says. "May I ask your name and your business?"

Oh, God, it sounds like an intervention. I sigh and say, "I'm Guardian Hathaway. I'm, uh, taking the children out today."

I figure the best way to ignore Julius and everyone else around Court is to be on "duty" with the children.

The butlet excuses himself and momentarily disappears. I bounce on my tiptoes as I wait, and when the butler returns, he nods his head. "Lady Conta has approved. You may come in."

I step into the main foyer, which isn't all the grand, and watch as Mr. Butler scurries up the stairs. The foyer is a desperate attempt to make it galliant, with long lace curtains sweeping the ground, tied back to allow moonlight in. In the middle of the floor, which, may I add, is an ugly-looking blue marble, is a circular table with a vase of drooping snowbells.

To my left are two double closed doors, to the North is a large doorway that leads into an antique living room, and to my right are two doors, one locked and the other cracked open by a sliver.

"ROSIE!" I hear Alexis shout from the top of the stairwell. She dances and bounces her way the bottom where she welcomes herself into my arms. I look down at her and frown.

"Uh, Alexis. . . I don't think you can wear, um. . . that outside." I stare at her stained overgrown T-shirt that swallows her whole, and shorts. "It's freezing outside."

"But it's SUMMER!" Alexis yells into my ear and I wince. I look around, desperately hoping that Vivian will magically appear and dress her daughter in proper clothing.

I bend down. "No, honey, it's winter. You know, like snow and ice?" Alexis shows no indication that she understands me; she stares at me with a blank expression. "Tell you what," I say. "Why don't you get dressed in some warm clothes and I'll take you ice-skating."

Alexis breaks into a larger-than-life grin and screams "Okay!" before bounding up the stairs. I hear the echo of a door slam soon after. It's a wonder if anyone gets any sleep with Alexis around.

* * *

I don't know what is worse. That I am lugging a pile of children and snot around with me, or Henry tried to dress _exactly _like me. He's taking this guardian thing _way _too far.

Henry and Alexis walk ahead of me. Alexis has a jump-rope in one hand and ice skates in the other, and Henry has his skates around his neck, his scarf tightened around him. Wren, on the other hand, is being a sulky teenager beside me. Her insecurity shines through her crossed arm and her eyes cast downward.

"So," I say, "have you seen Julius?"

"Yes," she replies.

"When?" I ask, casting a glance in her direction.

Wren shrugs, her blonde hair falling in wisps out of her beanie. "I don't know. Last night? Why do you care?"

I shrug in reply. "I don't know. Doesn't matter." I wait a few seconds, trudging through mud and dirty snow, before saying, "What was he doing?"

I can tell Wren's patience is wearing. "How should I know?" she spits at me.

"Oh," I whisper and look down at my feet as we walk through the muddy snow. I look ahead and see that Henry and Alex are waving us over, waiting for us.

The ice rink is within the Court's protective dome, and it is just a right amount of distance that no one will consider to look her for me. I feel like a coward, hiding from everyone. But, then again, my head is still reeling from last night. I sigh, shoving the thoughts out of my mind for the moment, and catch up with Alex and Henry.

We walk the rest of the way together and when we get there, I can see footprints in the snow where somebody had been here earlier. Probably a guardian checking to make sure it was safe before his shift ended.

I sit Alex down on an old, rickety bench and start to tie her skates on her chubby feet. She is properly wearing wintertime clothes. I'm pretty sure Vivian dressed her, because she looks like a pink marshmallow.

"So, what are you going to be for Halloween?" I ask, directing the question to Henry and Alex.

Henry smiles, a mischevious glint is his eyes. "You'll just have to wait, Rose. It's gonna be a huge surprise."

Oh, no. I'm worried.

"I'm being a princess," Alex says loudly, her words echoing through the lumbering Pines, their branches leaning downward.

"You were a princess last year, Alexis," I hear Wren say behind me.

"Yeah, so?" Alexis asks and sticks her tongue out. Oh, dear God.

"Alright!" I exlaim happily. "You're free to go skate your heart out."

"Thank you, Rosie." Alexis climbs onto the ice and, in a total of five grand seconds, is splattered against the ice. I hold back a laugh.

"He was quiet." I hear Wren whisper somewhere beside me.

I turn to face her. "Huh?"

Wren scoots closer. "He was really quiet, wouldn't talk to any of us. Julius, I mean. He went straight to his room. We didn't hear a peep from him afterwards. Vivian told us-" she nods toward her younger siblings - "to give him some space."

I try not to show anything in my face, but I guess it doesn't work, because Wren's expression changes. She frowns. "Do you know about any of this?"

"Um, no," I say. "Is that bad? . . . Him being quiet?"

Wren climbs up on a wooden table opposite of us and spreads her legs on the bench below it. "He's a suffer-in-silence type."

"Oh," I say quietly.

"Listen, I don't like you. I hope you know that."

"I do. . . ?" I say, one eyebrow raised.

Wren, keeping her head facing me, rolls her eyes upward and says, "I can't believe I'm doing this." She looks down at me like I'm a child being punished. "But Julius is my cousin - he's my family - and I love him, and I know he loves you."

"Yes?" I ask, having no idea where this conversation is going. _Probably South of the equator, _I think to myself.

"And since he's so smitten with you," says Wren, "I'm willing to make a truce."

"A. . . truce?"

"Yes," Wren confirms like it's the most normal thing in the world.

"Okay. . ." I scoot forward. "What's the truce?"

"I - Alexis, stop picking your nose!" she yells across the ice rink, then turns back to me. "Look, I don't hate you. I don't particularly like you, but I don't hate you. So, truce is, we become allies."

"Allies?"

"Yes." Wren nods. "Not friends, but, you know, allies. It's for the sake of my family. Henry and Al love you, and Julius. . . I've never seen him this way. He really cares about you."

I look away, feeling guilty. I look back up at Wren and narrow my eyes. "Excuse me if I'm a little skeptical," I say, "but why the sudden change of heart?"

Wren speaks without dropping her hand. "Like I said, Julius cares about you and my family loves you. And who knows, you might become our permanent guardian."

I laugh. "I don't think I'll be permanent. You said you'd make sure of that."

Wren cocks her head to the side. "And I will, don't worry. I'll make sure of it. But for now, I'm willing to have a truce between the two of us."

I smile. "Good to know."

Wren rolls her eyes and, still holding out her hand, says, "So, deal?"

"Yes," I say. "Deal."

Our hands shake once and drop to our sides.


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

Chapter Twenty Three.

There is a thunderstorm rolling in above Court.

I watch as the black clouds slowly creep across the sky until they settle at the edge of Court. I rumbles a few times before lightning strikes West of the gate and thunder follows. Alexis dives for my legs and I barely have time to scream before I fall. I catch myself on the hard pavement, my palms screaming at me with pain.

I stand up, look around and see that nobody saw how embarassing that was, for me to be taken down by a five year-old. Then I dust my pants and jacket off before leaning down and pulling Alexis off the ground.

"That hurt," Alexis mumbles as I wipe mud off her pants. From the corner of my eye, Wren and Henry are recovering from a good laugh.

"Yeah? Well, it was worse for me." I take a step back to see if Alexis' fall ruined anything, but she looks good as new. Hopefully she can stay that way until I get her back to her house.

We walk for a long time before coming into the heart of Court. Moroi and dhampirs alike mill around, grabbing at their coats that slip off their shoulders, some casting worried glances at the darkening sky. One woman gives me a pointed glare when I walk in front of her to get to the sidewalk.

Though it is two hours away from daybreak, the sky is not lightening. The moon, which has almost disappeared behind black-as-night clouds, is fading, but it is also casting an eerie blue glow around us.

"I hate thunderstorms," Henry mutters under his breath.

I cast a quick glance behind me at Wren and Henry, bundled in their jackets and sweaters and undershirts, and sigh. "Let's just get you home."

"I'm cold." Alexis tugs at my jacket sleeve. I grab her hand and rub them until they are warm, and then we continue walking. I'm able to get a quick look at myself in a store window.

Good God, I look like the babysitter's bandwagon.

"I'm coooold!" Alex wails loudly. I get a few annoyed look from passersby and bite my lip. Then I scoop Alex up into my arms and jog past people.

And then, as if the weather and Mother Nature are looking for veagance against me, it starts to rain.

Really?

Of course, it's cold. Of course, it's raining. Of course, the children are being whiny little munkchins. Of course, I apparently won't allow some guy to kiss me so he gets mad at me and our friendship ends for the. . . third time. . . . ?

I stop jogging once we get to the neighborhood they live in. I drop Alex onto her feet and walk down the cobblestone trail and up the glassy stairs. I lightly knock on the door before turning the doorknob. I turn to the kids.

"In you go!" I say with a grand waving gesture. Henry and Alex scramble to get in first, while Wren slowly creeps up the stairs. We both look at the grey sky for a few minutes before she turns to me.

We're both soaked, but it's not like it matters anymore.

"You shouldn't walk around in this weather," she says. "I'm sure Mom wouldn't mind if you stayed for a couple hours."

I nod, but in my mind, all I hear is, _But Julius would. _

"Oh my God!" Vivian shouts as she runs in the front foyer from one of the many doors. "I was so worried! Where have you been? I didn't know where you were! Rose, why didn't you tell me you were taking them out? Alexis, it's too cold to be wearing such clothing! Let's get you into a warm bath. I will get Elizabeth to start you a bath in the master. ELIZABETH! ELIZA- oh forget it."

Vivian puts a hand to her forehead. "Wren, take Henry and Alexis upstairs, please."

Wren obeys and grabs her siblings' hands without question. They climb up the stairs before disappearing behind a wall. Vivian turns to me.

"How? Why?" she asks in an exasperated voice.

"Um." I bite my bottom lip. "Excuse me?"

"Why did you take them out in this. . ." Vivian glances out the kaliedoscopic window. "This monstrous weather!"

"It, um, it wasn't like this earlier." I glance toward the tall windows with red velvet drapes. The house is old. "I just wanted to take them ice-skating. They were so excited, and the weather was perfect. And, uh, I'm sorry."

Vivian sighs and rubs her temples with perfectly manicured nails."You should be." She lifts her chin, making her look taller and a bit scarier. I feel no guilt creep into my soul, though. Ha! Nice try, Mother Bear, but I'm not one of your descendants. Your little game isn't going to work on me.

I take a deep breath and try to look geuinely sorry. "I apologize, Ms. Conta. It won't happen again. Not without your permission. I promise."

She actually looks pleased with me, her smile widening. "Thank you, Rose. Now, there is absolutely no way for you to feat in this type of weather. I'd be happy to offer you some hot chocolate and a place to stay until it settles down."

I smile. "Thank you. That would be great."

"MOOOOMMYYY!" Alexis' voice screams from upstairs. "I'm finished!"

Vivian replies by saying in a loud voice, "I'll be up in a minute, Darling!"

She scurries up the stairs in her knockoff Prada heels, but before she disappears into a visible door, she turns to me. "Make yourself at home, Rose. The half-bath is right there." She points to a door below the opposite staircase before clambering up the rest of the steps.

I have no idea what she is talking about, but one look in a mirror to my left, I realize my boots are covered in mud and ice, and my hair is a tangled lump on my head. Can I even call that hair?

I march across the foyer and into the bathroom, leaving a trail of mud and dirt and ice and snow, and close the door to only a crack. I take off one boot and hold it over the sink, scrubbing furiously at the dried mud, then drop it beside the toilet. I then try to dust off as much ice as I can on the matching boot, but only manage to make a few clumps of melting snow come off.

I drop both boots and look in the mirror, realizing I'm soaked from head to toe. I sigh and shrug off my overcoat, then my jacket, and peel away layer after layer until I'm only in a red sweater and a pair of boy-underwear. I then let my hair fall out of its ponytail, grab a small comb from a cup in the shape of a seashell and brush furiously at the mop atop my hair.

I continue to do so until there the knots in my hair are in the brush and I look slightly presentable. Just as I'm about to strip out of my sweater, the door sweeps open, and in a fury of shouts and screaming, I'm tangled in my own clothes.

"Holy sh- sorry!" The familiar voice screams and I stop screaming long enough to get a view of Julius, staring at me with wide eyes.

He watches me, his hand on the doorknob. "Uh. . . hello?"

I stare at him incredously. "Seriously? You walk into a bathroom to see someone like some kind of pervert and then you just say 'hi'?"

"Um, yes. Sorry." He turns to leave, then turns back. "Oh, um, sorry."

He disappears, shutting the door behind him. I make sure to lock the door this time before putting my jeans on before throwing everything else into the hamper. I look at myself in a floor-length mirror. Wet hair, dark Levi jeans from when Lissa and I were on the run, and a red sweater. Okay, at least I look decent. My makeup might be a little messed up, but I look fine. Right?

I leave the bathroom and try one of the doors. Locked. Crap. I try another. Locked. Finally I try another door and this one swings open, and I collide with a hard body.

I fall onto the hard marble floor, staring up at the ceiling. Suddenly, Julius' face appears above me. The fluroescent lights shine around him. He almost looks like an angel.

"I must say," he says, "you aren't your best with doors."

"Yeah?" I smile slightly. "What made you figure that?"

Suddenly he grabs my arms and lifts me up. I never realized he was that strong. Wow. I rub the back of my head awkwardly.

"It's kind of been an off day for me." I look at anything but his face. "Things haven't worked out so well."

"Hmph," says Julius. "I thought you were just naturally clusmy."

"No, I, uh. . . " I stare at him for a few awkward seconds, an open silence between us. "Julius, look-"

"Rose!" Henry, Alexis and Wren come trinkling down the stairs, all dressed in warm, comfortable clothes and dry of any wetness whatsoever. Henry smiles up at me. "Mom's letting us watch a movie in the theater room. You're staying, right?" I nod. "Can you watch a movie with us?"

I bite my lip in frustration. I really want to talk to Julius about. . . what happened. But I can't turn them down. Besides, Wren would know something is up, and I wouldn't want her knowing the entire truth. I still don't trust her completely. With a slight nod of my head, Alexis and Henry drag me toward a pair of matching doors.

I'm able to glance back at Julius once before he turns away and disappears into the same door he came through just minutes ago.

* * *

"We're watching Indiana Jones and that's final!" Wren tells Henry, who refuses to give up on his mission to force us into watching X-Men: United.

Henry's shoulders fall with defeat. "Fine. Whatever."

The theater room turns out to be a decent-sized room with a huge screen for movies on the opposite wall of the doors. A few old, antique couches occupy most of the space, and there is an old popcorn machine that doesn't work in the corner. It's nice, with a lovely maroon wallpaper and plush white carpets. I wonder what else this monster of a house holds. Maybe a sushi bar if I'm lucky.

The second Indiana Jones movie cuts on and immediately the children's arguing stops. For once, I'm allowed to enjoy the silence after a long day. I sigh, happy, curling up on the qntique sofa and trying not to ask questions, as I've never seen the first Indiana Jones movie and I'm completely lost.

I'm lost in the movie when a stinging sensation attaches itself to the back of my head. I hiss, and turn, only to see Julius with an ice pack.

He shrugs. "Thought you would need it after slamming into me back there."

I glance at the kids, who are comfortably sharing a couch in front of me, and turn back to him. I lower my voice to a whisper, saying, "Yeah. Thanks." I reach for the ice pack, but Julius beats me to the chase. He applies the ice pack to the back of my head and takes a seat beside me.

"It's okay," says he. "I got it."

I smile up at him, the burning sensation of the ice having gone away. Then I nod. "Okay." I look back at the kids', then at him. "Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah." He rolls his eyes.

I grab his arm and my face turns serious. So does his. "I'm serious," I say. "Look, um, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry."

He looks down, then up, then down again. "Yeah. Me, too. I'm sorry, too."

"Alright." I laugh lightly and in return get a few "Shhh"'s from Alex, Henry, and Wren. I look back at Julius and smile brightly. "I might take you up on that offer one day."

Julius frowns, not understanding what I'm saying, but then his face goes slack and he smiles. "I would very much like that, Rosemarie."

Me, too, Julius. Me, too.

* * *

Okay, I would first like to let people know that I appreciate everyone who reads this story. Seriously! It means a lot that people would read what I write, and you keep me writing more and more. That being said, I would like to make a point here. I refuse to acknowledge any of the negative comments posted to my story.

You are NOT writing it, you are NOT in charge of what goes on in the story, and you certainly are NOT going to tell me what I should change about my own story. If I want to pair certain couples together, I will. If I want to leave out names in the info of my story to be a surprise, I will. It's my story, my thought process, not yours. If you do not like my story, please do yourself a favor and get the hell off my page.

If you read what I write to purely insult it, you're being a complete and utter jerk and I refuse to acknowledge your existence. If you don't like it, don't continue to read it. I left out stuff in the info box so I could make this story a surprise, not because I wanted to be a jerk about it. Rant completed, again thanks to the people who give positive comments and I can't wait for this story to be completed (:


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

**~ Chapter Twenty Four. ~**

"Can I hold your hand?"

I look up to stare into viridian green eyes. I can't help but smile shyly. It's been two days. Two days of flirtatious exchanges, shy glances, and the inevitable: There's no going back. I suppose it is nice, this little something we have. I can't describe it as more than puppy love. Not even that, considering he can't even hold my hand without asking. What do you call something like this?

"Are you asking or stating?" I ask. My hands are wide in the open, on opposite sides of my body. Julius sits beside me, looking painstakingly nervous. It's cute in a way, I guess.

We are sitting on the front library steps. I'm bundled up in a white cashmere sweater Lissa loaned me and my combat boots. I sadly had to abandon my black leather jacket for warmer apparel.

"Umm, whatever you prefer, Darling," he says, a smile tugging on the corners of his face.

I roll my eyes and pretend to choke myself. "Enough with the couple names. They're so. . . stupid. Besides, I haven't even officially announced us a couple, yet."

Julius runs a hand through his raven's hair. Soft as a raven's. I have to remind myself not to reach out and touch it.

"Well, how about something else, then, Sweet Pea?" I scowl at him. "Or Angel cake? Honeysuckle? Boo? Oh, how about Muffin-Patty?"

"Muffin-Patty?" I laugh and shove him playfully, and when I see that irresistible smirk of his, I grab his cheek and plant a quick kiss on it. "You. Are. An. Idiot."

"I thought you said I was intelligent?" he asks playfully.

I kiss him on the cheek again. "I lied."

I settle back down and flip the next page of _War of the Worlds, _another book Julius recommended to me. He sits beside me, but his eyes aren't on his book, which is _Einstein's Theory on Relativity. _They're on me. I want our eyes to connect, but I don't want to look at him. I can't get so crazy or so serious with him, yet. I might never be able to.

"Have you told your friends yet?" Julius asks me. I look up from my book and bite my bottom lip. The skin there is tender, from where I have bitten it so many times in the earlier days.

I sigh and say, "No. Not yet. I want to know this will work out before I tell anyone." When I see his face, I backtrack. "I don't mean it that way. I just. . . I want to know this is serious. That it will all work out."

Julius nods. "Would there be any reason for it not to?"

I sigh again and I brush away a strand of chocolate hair. "The chase might be better than the catch."

"Possibly," he says, nodding gently.

"I just. . . don't want to fall in love, or anything like that, and then things not work out because we aren't compatible." I pick at a loose thread on my sweater. "I don't want to get my heart-broken again."

"Again?" Julius' eyebrows perk up. Oh, crap. I realize what I just said. He doesn't know about Dimitri, or anything about me in particular.

"It's nothing. . ." I exhale deeply. I haven't told him about Dimitri. Or Lissa. Or anything about my life. He doesn't even know me. "Julius?"

"Hm?" He asks, his hand trailing from my neck to the small of my back. I sustain a shudder, but only because it feels good. Comforting. Warm.

"Why do you like me so much?" I ask. "I mean, you barely know anything about me. What makes you find me so interesting? You could do a lot better. What made you choose me?"

I feel Julius scoot closer and put his hand under my chin. He raises my head so I'm forced to look at him. He smiles, not a smirk, but a smile, and that's strange. I have only ever seen him with that witty grin or a sly smirk on his face. Never a sincere smile. It's strange. I like it.

"Rosemarie," he whispers so low I barely pick up on it. "I didn't choose you. Well, at first I didn't. I knew you were scared of me." He glances down at the orange and yellow leaves plastered to his boots. "You didn't like me, or the way I hid in the library, stowed away with books. But you came back anyway. You came back."

I watch him carefully.

"Whether you came back for the book, or for me, I don't know," says Julius. "That's up to you, Rosemarie."

I smile at his smile, a cat's smile, his is. And then I slide my hand into his and grip it firmly.

"Yes." I speak softly, lowly. Such a public place seems like such a private place. "You can hold my hand."

I won't let go.

* * *

I don't dream that night. It is like I am floating around in forever darkness. But then the darkness starts to materialize like silk blowing in the wind, and I'm in a little suburb. A small neighborhood.

Leaves stick to anything they touch, yellow and red and orange and brown. There are carved pumpkins staring at me from the porches, and the air smells crisp. I almost forget it's late October.

"This will get some getting used to." I freeze, thinking it's Julius, but then I hear hard footsteps, and the voice recognizes me before I recognize it. I turn to face Adrian.

"Why?" I ask, cautiously. He seems a little wobbly, and the scene around us fills with static for a second before going back to normal. It does it a few more times before it stops completely. At least for the time being.

"I'm not used to letting you pick out the dreams." He walks until his back is to me and stares out at the long row of matching houses, some of the streets curving off to more same houses. "This landscape is. . . _interesting_." His voice drags on the 'ing'.

"Adrian?" I take a step forward, the crunching of leaves beneath my feet making me wince each time. It sounds like I'm breaking bones, femurs. "Adrian." I say his name again. "Are you drunk?"

"Of course not!" Adrian laughs hysterically like it's just a big joke. Which it's not. "I'm just a little. . . tipsy."

Alcohol mutes the Spirit inside of Spirt-users. So he can't be too drunk if he can still reach me through my dreams. But, again, the scene around us frizzes for a moment too long, and I lose sight of Adrian. Then he reappears. This time we're in an empty warehouse, old boxes stacked high above us like towers.

"Adrian," I say his name carefully. "You should really leave. Get some rest. And. . . stop drinking."

"Aw," he says. "But the party was just starting."

"Adrian!" I grab his arms and force him to look at me. "Get out of here! You're wasting my time! You're drunk!" I release him and step back. "You're so drunk."

"When were you planning on telling me?" Adrian asks, gesturing to himself. "Or Lissa, for that fact?"

"What are you talking about?" I ask, my face scrunching up in confusion.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Adrian says, pointing a dramatic, drunk, accusing finger at me. "Kissing on what-is-his-face."

I stare at him.

"You know!" He shouts without reason. Too loud. Too senseless. "The Conta boy. I hate Contas'." Adrian grunts and raises his hand, then realizes there is nothing in it. "Did you know that?" he asks. "The Ivashkovs' and the Contas' _hate _each other."

His face contort until he's scowling.

"What are you talking about, Adrian?"

"You left us, Rose!" He never says my real name. It's always Little Dhampir, or nothing. "You abandoned Lissa and Christian and. . . you left me, too, Rose. I don't know if you realize that, you left me." His bottom lip is poking out. He runs a hand through his mess of a hair. "You left me, too, you know."

"Adrian." I tread on light grounds, on eggshells. He's upset, angry even. Is that my fault. "Now is not the time to face me about this. You're drunk, tired, and you've probably had too much to smoke. We can talk about this tomorrow, when you're sober."

Adrian scoffs. "When I'm sober," he says, "it won't matter anymore." He shakes his head. "I'll be back to normal. This here will be gone." He gestures between the two of us.

There is only one light in the abandoned warehouse. And it is right above us, a fluorescent blue light dangling from an old wire.

I raise my hand in a gentle way. "Adrian, please, we can talk-"

"I can control it, Rose!" he screams, slamming his foot down on the hard concrete. If this weren't a dream, that would have hurt, probably. The smacking sound echoes in the warehouse. "I want to talk! Now!"

I close my eyes. "Adrian, why are you so mad?"

Adrian laughs again, this time with no humor. "Because you left us, Rose. And you haven't talked to us since. Maybe I have. But everyone else, no. You never sent them letters. You were in such a hurry to leave, that you left us without caring!" He puts one hand to his blushing cheek. "And then I see you smooching on some Conta boy."

"Adrian, I-"

"You left us, Rose! The moment you took that offer to be guardian." He exhales roughly. "And for what? For what? And why? What was the point?"

He's gone before I can answer him.

* * *

_He'll be sober tomorrow_, I think when I wake up, sweating from the stressful situation I just came out of. I look at the alarm clock on my nightstand. There will be a meeting in two hours.

_Good_, I think. That is plenty of time to grab a coffee, go see Julius, and make it to the meeting on time. Afterwards, I'll go see Lissa.

And I'll tell her everything.

* * *

"Rose?" Lissa's voice asks when I knock on her door a few hours later. She opens the door wider to allow my inside, and I slip through the doorway.

"Hey," I say when she shuts the door and takes a seat on the corner of her bed. I sit on the desk chair and scoot it closer to her. "I need to tell you something, Liss. Well, a few things, actually."

"Okay," Lissa says, nodding slowly. She looks nervous, she should be, but I want to comfort her that it isn't that bad.

"So," I say, scratching the back of my neck, "there's some things that have gone on since I left."

"Oh," Lissa breathes, almost relieved about something. Was she expecting me to talk to her about something else?

I nod and continue. "I haven't kept in touch all that much. Everyone else have, but I haven't. Anyway," I say, looking Lissa straight in the eyes, through thick black eyelashes. "I've had this. . . thing with. . . Julius Conta."

Lissa's eyes narrow curiously. "Like. . . do you like him or something?"

"You could say that." I bite my lip. "Anyway, for weeks I have stayed away from him, but. . . I don't know. We're _kind _of something, I guess. I can't say we are officially a couple, but we are. . . _some_thing."

Lissa nods, then smiles brightly. "That's nice, Rose." She leans forward and places a manicured hand on my knee. "I'm happy for you."

I smile, too. "That's not all." Lissa drops her hand and tilts her head. "I wanted to tell you, if something happened." I bite my bottom lip and taste blood. "I left because of someone," I confess. Lissa's head tilts further and her brows magnetize together.

"Who?" is all she asks.

I shake my head. "It's not you, or anyone you really know." That's a lie. She knows Dimitri and Tasha. Dimitri is her guardian. Tasha is her boyfriend's aunt and caregiver. She knows them, but she doesn't have to know they're the reason I took this job. "But I left because of them."

"Do I know them?" Lissa asks.

This is the question I wanted to avoid. Oh, well, no going back now. "Not exactly," I say, which is half the truth. She doesn't _know _Dimitri. All she knows is that he's a dhampir, her guardian, his last name is Belikov, and he was my former trainer. But, what about Tasha? "You might have seen them around, maybe talked to them. But you don't know them."

"Them?" She picked up on that. "As in more than one person."

"Yes." I sigh. "But that doesn't matter."

Lissa nods. "I'm just glad you told me. . . Is it Mia?"

"What?" I look at her. "No! It's not Mia, or Christian, or Adrian, or Eddie, or any of you. I promise. It's not. . ." Who else can I name other than Tasha and Dimitri? I shake my head. "It's not any of them, I can promise you that."

The blonde Moroi purses her lips and then nods with understanding. I release a breath of relief and stand to hug her. "I'm glad you understand why I left," I say when we hug.

"Yeah," says Lissa, "as long as you aren't hiding anything else, right?"

"Right," I agree. We let go of each other. At least I'm not holding anything back. Well, except for Dimitri and Tasha and all that drama. But that's behind me. I can say without doubt that that is the past. Dimitri and Tasha are obviously not the future.

Dimitri is not the future.

That feels like a punch in the gut.

* * *

I go to the same coffee shop I went to a few days ago and order a pumpkin spice latte. It is that time of the year again. Pumpkin spice everything, falling leaves, and the anticipation of Halloween. I reminiscence about when Lissa and I dressed up for Halloween back when we were on the run from the academy. I forgot to pack the picture of us, dressed in cheap fairy costumes. I assume it is still in my dorm room, waiting until I return. If I do, in fact, return.

I get the pumpkin spice latter, throw a bundle of cash on the counter and make my way toward the Contas' Court mansion. I knock on the door and a maid answers, dressed in a blue dress with a white apron. Huh. Fancy.

"Can I help you?" she asks grudgingly.

"Is Jack Chang here?" I ask, taking a sip of the hot latte. Snow sticks to my leather boots and I stand there, huddled with my coffee, trying not to freeze to death!

"Who?" the maid asks with a raised eyebrow. I sigh, frustrated. Jack promised me he would be here and that we could talk business on the way to his shift at the gate. I never knew I would get stood up by another guardian. I shake out my hands, which are freezing, and think of what to do. I can wait here for Jack, but there is no one hundred percent that he will come, or I can go find him elsewhere.

"Uh, never mind," I say to the maid. "Thanks, anyway." The maid mutters something to me and shuts the door. I start to climb down the stairs, but there is an ice patch, and I start to tumble down, but two strong arms catch me halfway down.

"Careful," Jack says as he lifts me off the one step and places me on another. I laugh without humor and thank him. "Shall we?" I look up from dusting off my jeans and see Jack with his arm out. I take it and we start to walk in the frozen snow.

"So," I say, "what's the plan?" I like Jack. He is a no-crap-or-I-will-kill-you-with-my-bare-hands kind of guy. He doesn't hover, or press for questions. He gets straight to the point. There is no fooling around with Jack. In a way, he reminds me of Dimitri. They both take their jobs so seriously. Which they should, and Jack has this way of being intimidating yet clever at the same time. He is a great guardian to work beside.

"I'm going to see if I can convince the head guardian here to let me pull some of the others from their jobs around the gate, and into the neighborhoods. The gates around them, they are unprotected, an easy target for offensive threats," says Jack. I nod along with what he says. What Jack says, goes. Or at least that's what I think. I would rather him be the head guardian in the Contas' house then me.

"I also want _you_ to do some extra work, also," Jack's voice cuts into my thoughts.

"Why?" I ask. I won't refuse or deny my job, but I am curious about why he wants to put some more heavy labor on to my shoulders.

"Vivian is still on your back," he explains. "I don't want her to fire you for lacking in one class, whereas you excel in others." I smile at the compliment. "You know how to do your job, Rose," Jack continues, "but do you think there is a possibility you are slacking off to do other things?"

I sigh. "Possibly."

"We'll work on that," Jack says. "Maybe we can throw in some training sessions here and there. After all, you are still a novice. You are still very young." Jack squints ahead as we walk. "I understand there are other things you want to do, but all Vivian can see. . ." He pauses. "She sees that as a careless effort. That you aren't taking your job serious. That you are too busy with some things that you aren't taking her children's safety into question.

"I want to prove Vivian otherwise," says Jack. "The only way we can do that is if we start taking the safety of her family into account." Jack stops walking and I turn to him. We are in sight of the gates, where Jack has volunteered to work a few hours while I take patrol of the house and our charges'. "You have great potential, Rose. Let's prove to Vivian that what you have, what you are doing, is paying off."

I nod. "That's a deal."

"No," says Jack. "That's a plan."

Jack puts a hand on my shoulder and gives me a reassuring smile. He drops his hand and starts to jog toward the gates in a fast, but graceful way. I grin from ear to ear. I have a plan. Maybe things are working out after all.


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

**~ Chapter Twenty Five ~**

In spite of Adrian's little drunk blow-out thing he pulled yesterday, I tell Lissa I can't come and hang out with everyone. I can't face Adrian even if I wanted to. Because, as much as I hate to admit it, he _is _right. I left him and Lissa and everyone else behind. I am the fault, and the blame, and there is nothing I can do about that.

It is my day to get a full report on the Contas'. Jack has also assigned me with the wonderful job (sarcasm intended) of perimeter-check in the cold wintry snow. Though some of the ice has melted, it is still near frozen. I cannot even imagine what December will bring, because if _this _is cold, then December is going to be the freaking North Pole. Literally.

I intend to wear several pairs of pants, socks, and sweaters, just so I do not become an icicle, which is nearly impossible with what the weather already is.

I knock on the front door and Henry answers, to which I tell him to get dressed, he's coming on the perimeter-check with me. If one of us has to become a frozen popsicle, well, he'll just have to endure it with me. He happily accepts, much to my delight, grinning as he stumbles up the stairs with a just-woke-up look in his eyes.

I knock on the door that Henry assures me, is Vivian's home office. When I hear her stern voice say "Come in!", I slip through the door and shut it softly behind me. I stand taller, my back straighter, and I stride up to her with my chin up high. I will make her regret ever accusing me of not doing my job correctly.

I can be a guardian. Hell, I _am _a guardian.

"Good morning, Vivian," I say cheerfully, standing with one hand planted firmly on the chair in front of me. "I came to get a status report. On the interior."

"Ah, yes," says Vivian. She turns her office-chair with wheels and unlocks one of the bottom drawers of her 20th century desk. Then she picks up a yellow envelope and hands it to me with manicured hands.

"Thanks," I say, slipping the envelope under my arm.

Vivian nods. "Jack wanted me to tell you that he'd be back to get the full report later." She gives me a sweet, but altogether fake, smile as I turn to leave. Before I can reach the door, Vivian's voice reaches for me.

"Wait, Rose." I turn around to see her get out of her chair and shuffle toward me in three-inch heels. She waits until she is right in front of me to knit her eyebrows together and say, in a calm but warning tone: "I've noticed my nephew has taken an interest in you."

"_Oh_." Oh, oh, oh. I guess I knew this would become an obstacle if Julius and I ever became - what are we? - a couple. But, in the back of my mind, I wonder the same questions over and over, turning them around so I can figure out the answers without asking for them. How much does she know? Does she know everything? All of it? Did he tell her? Has she seen us together?

Here's a tip on Dating 101. Never date your boss' nephew. Otherwise, you'll end up like me.

"Well." I scratch the back of my head, mildly confused. "I guess so. We've been. . . seeing each other often." One of Vivian's eyebrows perks up. "Not in that way," I lie, "we're just friends."

"Humph." Vivian paces back and forth, making it look professional, calm, and incredibly aggravating. "I don't know what to think of this."

"We just talk sometimes," I say, my voice a little shaky but still sturdy enough that I don't think she notices. "And. . . read books. . . ?"

"Interesting," says Vivian, a manicured hand stroking her chin. "I'll have to see about this." What does that mean? "You may go, Rose."

"Yes, ma'am." I turn to leave, and this time she doesn't stop me to ask me about dating her nephew.

Am I dating him?

* * *

"Look!" Henry runs up beside the side of the mansion. "Footsteps! There's an intruder nearby!" He points at the footsteps in the melting snow again.

"Uh, Henry." I bite my lip, trying not to laugh, or scoff, or whatever I want to do. "Those are our footsteps. This is the third time we've been around the house."

"Oh," Henry says, disappointment showing clearly in his voice. He puts away his index finger and his arm falls to his side. I walk up behind him and give him a quick hug.

"Come on," I say in a cheerful tone. "We still have to go around one more time. In case there a_re _any intruders." Or threats. Or Strigoi. Or Vivian out to get me.

"Okay." Henry bounces up, the disappointment of finding his own footsteps gone. He starts to run ahead of me, his head bobbing from one side to the other. He keeps a good look-out. I think I just might like this kid. He's got potential.

* * *

"Hi-Yah!" I scream and kick the cushion that Jack holds up. I pull back and throw my head backward, my hair a pool of chocolate down my shoulders.

Jack smiles. "I cannot believe you are still a novice."

I laugh and say, "Don't remind me."

I continue to kick at the red and white padding for a long time before Jack signals for me to stop. I stop; Jack tucks the padding under his arm.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

I find myself wondering the same thing. My arms feel a little rigid, my legs stiff, but otherwise, I feel great. It is like I have blown off steam over the past two hours. Funny thing, that. Since I have not been able to let off steam since Dimitri first left. It feels good, though, because now I am back in action. It is all familiar, and there is something about working again. I don't know what it is yet.

It's also strange. I never thought Jack to be one of those guys that would voluntarily do training sessions with you.

_Neither did Dimitri_, my subconscious reminded me.

"Shut up," I muttered and worked at untying my hair from an untidy up-do.

"Excuse me?" Jack asks, eyes narrowed.

I shake my head. "Nothing." I think for a moment, then add, "I feel fine. Thanks."

"Do you want to work again tomorrow?" he asks as he jogs to the supply closet and starts to carelessly throw stuff through the door.

I shake my head again, my chocolate hair falling out of its tail. I furiously shake my hair up so that it looks unkept, but somewhat like I just took a shower. Which I didn't. Sweat and strawberry body wash should not mix. Ever.

"I can't," I say, a little grim. Though I would love to train some more, just of the sake of proving Vivian wrong, I have way too much on my schedule.

That being, A) The Contas', who are my main priority, B) My forever-changing relationship with Julius, and C) My effort to keep up my badass reputation without losing any such respect from anyone other than people who I do not care for.

"That's too bad," Jack asks. There are certain times when I find myself wondering if Jack has any life _out _of being a highly awesome guardian/friend. He's handsome, in that Asian - or Korean, I am not sure - way. He is not my type, and he is almost older than Dimitri, but I uncertain skepticism with myself on whether he has a girlfriend, significant other, somewhere.

I mean, ever a _cat _for Christ's sake, would suit as an answer for my questions!

"How about the day after tomorrow?" he asks. I feel as if he is going to take this training very seriously. I like that.

"Um, we'll see." I pick up my coat and put it over my black sweatpants and blue-and-green tank top. "Hey, will you be at the meeting later?"

"Yes. I always am," he replies and picks up his gym bag. "You did a nice job today, Rose." I can't help but smile. "I'll see you around, okay?"

"Yup!" I grin.

As Jack starts to walk away, I suddenly think of something, and I yell, "Jack! Wait!"

He turns around, his jet black hair plastered to his forehead. He pushes it up and then back. "Yeah?"

I am hesitant to ask him, but I smile anyway. "Do you think we can work on staking Strigoi next time?"

Despite my anxious question, Jack laughs lightly. "Baby steps, Rose. I do not know all you are capable of." He pauses. "I don't know your weaknesses and skills yet."

I can't help but say, "You sound like someone I used to know."

"Yeah?" Jack smirks.

I nod. "It doesn't matter. I'll see you?"

"Of course," he says and turns around, walking toward the exit.

He salutes me, in a funny way, then, as he is walking away, he yells over his shoulder, "Until next time, Guardian Hathaway."

I freeze, realizing that is my name now. Or, at least, to some people it is. The Contas' are too comfortable around me to call me Guardian Hathaway, and so is Alberta and my friends. I smile and look down at my feet.

Guardian Hathaway.

My mother has been called this name countless times, and now it is my turn to be called that.

"Guardian Hathaway." I taste the name on my tongue. I never realized how good it sounds.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Vivian asks as soon as I walk in. She looks frantic, her blonde hair sticking up in the most awkward of places. I try not to stare, but for once, she looks like a normal house-mom. She is dressed in a white shirt, black pants made for suits, and fluffy pink slippers. Oh, this is too good to be true.

"I'm sorry?" It is more of a question than a true apology, because I had no idea I was on duty today. What was it Vivian said before we came to Court? We will be off-duty most of the time? Except for a few safety and protection protocols and checking up on the children.

"You were supposed to come here and watch the kids!" she says, sinking into a nearby armchair. I stare on, because I cannot help but enjoy the sight of Vivian Conta, who is always so pristine and business-like, wearing pink fuzzy slippers. A moment of weakness, and I am savoring those fuzzy little balls that are shoes.

"Uh. . ." I can't think of something to say. Since when have I become her personal babysitter? I open my mouth to say something, but before I can, I hear a hundred little feet like an avalanche on Mount Everest.

"I will end you!" screams Henry. There is a crash upstairs and Vivian's eyes go wide in despair. I turn to see Henry with five other little boys tumbling down the stairs. I notice how they are wearing sheets for capes, and they are playing with sticks from outside.

"I am lord of everything!" another one screams and I feel as if I just entered _The Brady Bunch. _

"Be careful!" Vivian shouts. "Don't break your necks, boys!" She exhales deeply when they don't listen.

I give her a questioning look. "Who are they?"

She sighs, stands, and walks up beside me before crossing her arms and answering, "Well, the blonde-haired one? He is Laurence Tarus. He's a little pest. Two of them are Zeklos' and one of them is a Badica."

"That's four," I say. "Who's number five?"

"I've no idea," she breathes, almost a whisper. "They raided the closets, ate all the cupcakes, and Wren and Alexis are hiding up in the game room doing whatever the hell will keep them out of destruction's path."

"Where's Julius?" I can't help but ask.

Her eyebrows push together and she replies, "I think he's eating."

Oh. Right. Julius, a vampire. A Moroi. Who drinks blood.

"Okay." I walk forward just as the boys skirt the bottom of the staircase and raise my hands. "HEY!" I scream in the loudest voice I have. Whatever volume it might be, the boys notice. They skid to a stop and stare at me, almost frightened. I wonder what parents will think when they hear a really short-tempered dhampir yelled at them. Oh, well.

I clap my hands together and say in the most cheerful voice I can force, "Who wants to play guardian?"

Six little hands shoot up in the air. I can't help but smirk. "Okay then. All of you, are to _march_, one by one, into the theater room, and you are going to pick out a movie. Quietly." I glance back at Vivian, who is somewhat perked up. "Whoever disobeys, I will personally throw a snowball at."

I see a few deflated faces, but some do not look convinced. I see their bodies tense, ready to scream and run around like savages. "It won't be pretty," I growl. "Okay. Line up." They obey. Henry looks somewhere between excited and nervous. He smiles at me nonetheless. "March forth, boys!"

They disappear into the theater room, and in a few quiet seconds of Godly silence, the air disrupts into tiny voices. "Let's watch Thor!" or "I like Loki!" or "No! I like Thor!" and so on. I turn to Vivian and wipe my hands off my jeans. "Uh, yeah. I'm just going to go."

She nods, watching as I maneuver around her and grab my bag. I shut the door behind me and breathes out sturdily. I silently wish her good luck.

* * *

I am maybe ten minutes late to the guardian meeting, which is being held in the same place as last time and the time before.

"Nice of you to join us, Guardian Hathaway," says one man. I am guessing he is leading this meeting along with Alberta. The guy from last time, Gin, I think, is nowhere to be seen. Maybe he is working the gates, I have no idea.

"Yeah, you, too," I say and stick to the back wall. Though Alberta was joking, there is a somber mood. My eyes dart around the room as I wonder what is going on. No one will meet my gaze. Everyone is looking down at their feet, their mouths' are drooping down in a frown.

Alberta clears her throat. She tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear and nibbles on her bottom lip. I am dying to ask what's going on, but I keep my mouth shut. It only seems right to be quiet.

"We lost of our own today," announces Alberta. I see her hands shake a little, and immediately my conscience is asking a million different questions. Who? Where? When? By who? Oh, God. I gulp and frantically look around the room. Someone, please look at me, I plead silently. No one makes eye contact.

I realize my hands are clenched into fists, but I do not move. Who was it?

Alberta looks as if she cannot continue, so the guy beside her steps up. He has a solemn look on his face, but besides that, he is unreadable. He looks strong, tough, but I wonder if that is just a façade. Everyone looks so shaken up.

He clears his throat just as Alberta did. "A lot of you knew Gin Schwing." Oh, God. I feel like throwing up. I reach for my stomach and my hands settles on my abdomen. "He was a great guardian, an even better man." Alberta's hands are shaking a lot more now. I have never seen her this way. I find myself thinking if her and Gin were close. Closer than I thought.

"He was visiting some relatives who live up in the mountains." The guy shakes his head and looks around the room, barely even glancing at anyone though. "There was a group of Strigoi nearby. And they. . . Well, let's just say Guardian Schwing put a hell of a fight."

He turns and starts to pace the room. That is when Alberta steps up. She smiles sadly and whispers, "Thank you, Tom." The guy, Tom, nods his head. I close my eyes. The Strigoi got someone else. But instead of Moroi's, they got dhampirs. Alberta scans the room, her eyes connecting with mine. Something flashes in her eyes, something I can't name.

"Are there any survivors?" I ask without thinking. I immediately regret it. A pain flashes across Alberta's face, and about half of the guardians turn to me, sadness clearly on their faces. "Please say there are survivors. Someone. Anyone."

Alberta lets out a shaky breath. "One."

"Who?" Why can't I stop asking questions?

"His grand-daughter," Alberta answers. And then it's over. She turns away from me, our eyes broken, her hurt emotions no longer there. She is stern again. A guardian. That is what we are trained to do. To fight and stay calm, even in times of death and desolation and misery.

"There will be a proper burial this tomorrow afternoon." Alberta takes a deep breath, her chest rising, her face strong. "It has been a sad day for all of us. We have lost a wonderful human being, a proud guardian, and an even better father."

"Until then," says Tom, turning back to face us, "we are calling back our forces. The Court must be protected at all costs."

At first I don't understand, I don't compromise what they are saying. And then I do. It blows up in my face, a big flashing red and green and blue sign screaming what they mean. They are calling back guardians, which means that families of Moroi's will be left without protection. I step forward, ready to scream at them, how stupid they are. But then, somewhere in that haze of death and depression that fills the room, I hear the loveliest sound hit my ears.

"Rose, stop."

My face lifts and from across the table, my eyes connect with the man I loved, the man I still love.

I expect him to look different, unrecognizable, but he looks the same as always. . . Like he never left. The same shoulder-length brown hair. The same duster, barely touching the floor. Same tallness, muscular body.

"Hello, Rose."

Dimitri Belikov smiles.


	26. Chapter Twenty Six

**~ Chapter Twenty Six ~**

_The air was quiet as I watched some of the Novices whack at hard padding or learning to climb tall posts. The air was cold, a mix of the approaching winter and the remaining air particles of summer. I sighed, rubbing my arms up and down to warm them. _

_"How's training going?" Mason asked. He was sitting by me, keeping me equally warm. His body heat helped the chill in the air, so I scooted closer to him. Hopefully, he would not get the wrong message. _

_I threw back my head and groaned in a dramatic show. "Everything hurts. My body, my muscles. Even my brain." I rubbed my temples to prove it. _

_"Aw, come on, Rose." Mason put his arm around me in a friendly gesture. He had a boyish grin on his face. "That Dimitri guy can't be so bad." _

_I tried to hide the anxiety I felt every time someone said Dimitri's name. My feelings were unorganized. I barely knew what I felt about Dimitri myself. I had to figure out everything. I couldn't make a show of my strange feelings for my Russian trainer. _

_"He's not," I say, pushing my fists into my eyes. "It's just. . . you have no idea how frustrating it is. He makes me run half the time. And for what reason, I have no idea. There is no staking or combat training. Just running!"_

_Mason's nose scrunched up, but his grin still stayed. "Running's good." _

_I nudged his ribcage with my elbow playfully. "Shut up, Mase. Don't be siding against me." _

_"I won't, Rose. I promise." Mason looked at me with giddy eyes. "Is he really that bad?"_

_I thought about it for a minute. Mason stared at me, waiting for an answer. I huffed and crossed my arms. "No. He's not that bad. He's actually. . . good. I mean, he is a nice guy and all." _

_"See? He's good and decent. You have nothing to worry about." Mason chuckled and leaned back. I couldn't help but smile and sit back with him to watch the others train._

* * *

"Hello, Rose," Dimitri repeats in that same perfect Russian accent. I grip the edge of the table so hard my knuckles turn an ugly shade of white, the blood draining out of my fingers. I manage a tight smile and nod in his direction.

"Guardian Belikov," I say, making no eye contact with him. How could this happen? After everything I have done, he just suddenly shows up out of the blue? Is life against me or something?

Dimitri almost gives me a curious look, but instead, he maintains emotionless and quiet. In the moments we stare at each other, Dimitri turns in Alberta's direction.

"Guardian Petrova," he says, slightly dipping his head. I glance over at Alberta through my peripheral vision. Her eyes are darting back and forth between Dimitri and me.

Nothing to see here. Moving on.

"It's so nice to have you back, Belikov," Alberta says, reaching out her hand. Dimitri firmly takes grasp and they shake hands. And all I get is a hello? "It's actually quite unexpected, though."

Dimitri nods and replies, "Tasha heard about the attacks. She's flying down here tomorrow afternoon to be with her nephew."

"And you came a day early. Why?" I ask with a little more venom in my voice than I had hoped. Alberta does not seem to notice, though.

Dimitri simply shrugs in reply and walks further into the room. "I heard the Court was especially low on guardian numbers."

True.

"Why are you here?" Dimitri asks. It feels like an interrogation, but the truth is, he just seems curious. Interested in what my life has become since he left.

I lean against the table and give a warm smile, or the best I can manage. "I am here on guardian duty."

Maybe, at one time since he left me for Tasha, he heard about a new dhampir becoming a guardian to a Conta family up in the Montana mountains. Then again, maybe he is over me. Finished. And he did not even bother to wonder what has become of me, my life, and my career.

Either way, Dimitri does look slightly shocked. Stunned. Astonished. Etcetera. Alberta notices, too, and she says, "You two have a lot to catch up on. Rose, is there anything you need?" I remember why I stayed. To ask Alberta a question.

"Oh, uh, yes," I say, glancing over at Dimtiri. He is staring at me intensely, probably still shocked from the aftermath of my revelation. "You said there was one survivor?"

Alberta seems a little too sad to discuss Gin's murder. But, as a guardian, she just nods and simply explains, "Yes. His granddaughter. Smart girl. It is a terrible thing, what happened."

Dimitri listens, but does not speak.

I nod. "Well. . . Have you tried talking to her? About the attack?" I ask, truly interested in Gin's granddaughter. I could not imagine what she feels like. To lose my family, if I even had one, or if I could count on Janine to actually be my mother, I would be devastated.

"Of course not," Alberta says, like I simply do not get it. "She's a mess. There's no way we could ask her to tell us all the details. She is too shaken up."

"Yes, but. . ." I sigh, wanting this to be slow and sure. I need Alberta to realize the importance of what I am about to ask her. "Maybe she needs someone closer to her age to talk to. Someone who understands death and loss. And. . . well, no offense, but if my entire family just got killed, I wouldn't want to talk to a bunch of Strigoi-killing adults."

I look at Dimitri from the corner of my eye, silently pleading for him to either stay quiet, or help me win this case. "It'd be a little awkward, but maybe I could talk to her?"

Alberta thinks about this for a moment. "Absolutely not."

My shoulders slump down. "What?"

Alberta shakes her head and says, "No one is talking to that girl until she is stable enough to stand on her own two feet. She's traumatized, Rose. She won't talk. And I'm not letting a novice do a guardian's job."

"I have done a guardian's job for the last month and a half!" I say, a little too loud for my liking. "How am I not ready?"

"You are not ready, Rose," Alberta says. "Trust me, I believe in you more than you know. But how would it look if I sent in a novice to investigate a crime scene and the one survivor?"

I open my mouth to say something, but Dimitri interrupts. "What if I go with her?"

Alberta raises a questionable eyebrow and I say in a most surprised voice, "What?"

Hell. No.

"Belikov, you don't have to do this. I think it's best if-" Alberta starts to say, but Dimitri cuts her off.

"I do not have to do this," he says, "but I want to. I'll be there when Rose investigates and it will look a lot less. . . amateur."

"Excuse me?" I shout, turning to face him with arms crossed and a pissed look on my face.

Dimtri raises his hand to hush me. "You can trust me, Alberta. You know that. I will make sure Rose does nothing stupid or says the wrong thing."

I roll my eyes and mutter under my breath, "Gee, thanks."

Alberta ponders over this for a few minutes. She glances at me, then Dimitri, then back again. Finally, she sighs and says, in a most serious tone of voice, "This better work."

I smile, despite the consequences. "Thank you, Alberta." She nods at me in reply.

"Figure out what you're going to say," she says. "You have one shot. If you mess this up and don't get the information we need, I'm not giving either of you a second chance."

I nod and grab my bag, pulling it over my shoulder. Dimitri watches me, and after I thank Alberta and start to leave, he follows me.

"I didn't know you were a guardian," he says quietly, his arms tucked behind his back in a professional way. I glance over at him, a scowl on my face.

"What does it matter to you?" I spit. "You left, and that immediately gave you no right to be a further influence in my life."

"Well, for one, you are my student," he explains with his hands. His hands are callused, more than the last time I saw him. What has he been doing?

"_Were_," I correct him. "I _was_ your student. Not anymore."

"I suppose," he says. "Here, let me get that." He reaches for my the strap of my bag, but I pull away on instinct.

"Don't touch me, Belikov," I say, and start to walk a little faster, which means nothing, since he has a tall figure and long legs. His strong legs manage to keep up a stride beside me, his duster flapping behind him. He's close. So close. I can smell his scent, and it's perfect. I turn my head away, not wanting to smell such a familiar scent.

"I'm sorry, Rose," he says.

I laugh and say in a sarcastic tone, "For what? For calling me an amateur back there?" I nod back toward the meeting room. "Or for making sure I get that investigation by going with me? Was that just in spite of me?"

"I knew you wanted that duty, Rose." His tone is low and serious, his accent shining through at the moment. "I helped you get it. You should be thanking me."

"Well, I won't," I say defiantly. We walk on in silence, treading down the staircase and into the first floor's hallway. I glance over at him, my voice hardly a whisper when I speak up. "How is Tasha?"

"She is fine." Dimitri watches me for any sudden emotion or movement. I do nothing, and he turns back to face what is in front of him. "She's flying down tomorrow."

"I heard."

"Rose?"

"Yes?"

"I-" Before he can reply, we walk out of the door that leads to the front steps of the building. The night air is cool and sweeps across my face and through my hair, blowing it into a tangled mess. Dimitri's hand brushes against my back and I jump at the sudden movement, gulping back whatever feelings sparked at that moment.

"Are you cold?" Dimtri asks. We stare at each other, quietly and, if it's only me, there is a desirable connection between us. I use my hand to comb the top of my head, my hair falling back in place. I shake my head.

"No. I'm fine," I say, a shiver running up my spine when I realize his hand is resting on my arm, my arm crossed against my chest. I lick my chapped lips and look around. "I hate cold weather sometimes." Dimitri nods.

"Rose. . . "

Whatever moment there was, whatever connection or spark of recognition between us, disappears down the drain. I look around, only to spot Julius leaning against the stone railing. He gives me a lopsided smile and waves, but I know he is watching Dimitri, carefully, for any signs of danger or something.

"Hey, Julius." I smile and turn to look at Dimitri. "We'll talk about the investigation later, okay?" I doubt he hears me, though. Him and Julius seem to be having a stare-down. God, guys can be such guys sometimes. I roll my eyes and wave my hand.

"See you around, Dimitri," I say, taking the steps one at a time. As I reach the bottom, Dimitri calls out my name.

"Rose." I turn back to look at him. He opens his mouth to say something, but his eyes move in a certain direction. He then shakes his head. "Nevermind. We can discuss it later."

I narrow my eyes and watch him for a moment, for any signs of whatever just happened, and then turn. Julius walks over to meet me halfway, and his eyes stay steadily on Dimitri, who is standing at the top of the stairs, pretending (or at least I think he is pretending) to survey the courtyard we are in.

"Who's he?" He asks, nodding his head in Dimitri's direction. I glance over my shoulder and shrug.

"He was my trainer before I became a guardian for Vivian," I explain calmly. Whatever grudge he has, he can get over it. "It doesn't matter."

"What was he saying?" Julius asks. "Was he bothering you?"

I'm touched that Julius is so protective of my honor, but really, I can take care of myself. I shake my head. "No. We were just talking about guardian business. Nothing personal."

Julius nods, staring at Dimitri with a blank expression, before taking my hand and lacing his fingers through mine. We walk away, and I glance over my shoulder to see Dimitri's gaze fixated on our intertwined fingers.

"Rose!" Mia squeals as soon as I walk into the small Court café. I'm entangled in a hug in just a few quick seconds and I laugh, hugging Mia back. It is so weird. Mia used to be my and Lissa's biggest enemy. Now. . . we're friends. Good friends, at that.

"I'm so glad you're here!" Mia says happily, a grin on her face. It reminds me how I did not speak a word to her the other night. The night I found out Julius was a Sprit-user. I have yet to confirm Lissa's suspicions, and I know her patience is wearing thin. She wants to know, and I know that, and I wonder if Adrian knows yet. God, I hope not.

"It gets so boring around here sometimes," Mia says, leading me to a table in tbe back corner. Lissa is there, sitting, and we quickly hug. She watches me, and I shake my head. _Not now. Talk later. _I mouth to her, and she nods without the Mia seeing.

I sit down and look around the café. On the far wall is a glass case, revealing sugary cookies and strawberry tarts. There is also a carrot cake. The front of the café is filled with white circular tables dotting the floor, and there is a door leading to the kitchen. The room is mostly filled with dhampirs, but I spot a few Moroi blending in with the crowd.

That is when I notice a small room off to the side. It resembles one of those dressing rooms you see in department stores. A plastic blue curtain is pulled to the side, and on the other side is a white chair and a small table. I realize it is a feeder room, but the feeder is nowhere to be seen. I look down at my fumbling hands and turn on a bright smile.

"Hello, little dhampir." I immediately realize the voice it belongs to, and I turn to see Adrian, having returned from outside, the tip of a cigarette box peeking out of his breast pocket. I roll my eyes.

"Wow. And I thought we could an all-girls chat without you barging in," I say with another roll of my eyes.

"You thought," Adrian says, "but you were wrong." He takes his thumb and taps the tip of my nose, which I reply by elbowing him in the rib. He chuckles and slides into the chair between Lissa and Mia. Right across from me. "So what is the latest gossip?"

I give Lissa a look and say, "Dimitri's back."

Lissa sits up straighter and looks at me with a weird expression on her face. "Wait. Really?" I nod, for which she continues. "That's crazy. Isn't he Tasha's new guardian."

_Don't remind me_, my sub-conscious says, but all I say is, "She's flying down tomorrow." I suddenly wish I would not have said that. Maybe Tasha coming was supposed to be a surprise. I mean, Lissa will probably tell Christian and it won't be a surprise business.

"That's so cool," Lissa says, a big smile on her face. Mia nods and agrees, even though she does not know Christian's aunt all that well.

"Yeah." I order a drink from a nearby waitress, and while I wait, I play with the plastic straw, watching Mia, Lissa, and Adrian interact with each other. I wonder where Christian is, but, then again, him and Lissa are not bonded like we are. They are not stuck together twenty-four/seven, either.

I smile and nod every time they ask me a question, but all I can think about is how things have changed. Lissa and I have both changed since I left. It has not been the same since. We don't talk as much, or hang out as much. And I have no idea what is going on in Lissa's life.

And, strangely enough, I never get sucked into Lissa's body anymore.

Which is totally strange, right?

I remind myself of what has happened. I have been so busy with my own complicated life, I have barely had time to check up on Lissa, or anyone else in particular. The Contas' have been all I have had, and I don't get to see my friends nearly as much as I used to, not anymore.

And what about Dimitri? Or Mason? I have not thought about them since Julius. Ever since meeting him, I have not thought or talked about Dimitri. And Mason is almost forgotten. Even Henry does not remind me of my dead friend anymore. He is not a look-a-like anymore. He's just a little boy.

And even I realize, I have lost my other life, the life I lived at the academy, ever since I left.

* * *

**Author's Note: Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!**


	27. Chapter Twenty Seven

**~ Chapter Twenty-Seven ~**

"When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as

the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain." Glancing up at Julius, I shut the book and tuck it under my arm, staring pointedly at him.

"See? I told you that was a real quote," he says matter-of-factly, triumphant to the fact that he is actually right, for once.

"I never said it wasn't," I point out, handing him the book and taking that as an advantage to move closer. He doesn't wrap his arm around me and I don't snuggle up to him. We both know our boundaries, and though mine are far bigger and his are limited to that of certain affections, we still seem to be aware of what's going on between us.

_Quite aware, _I think when he elbows me playfully because I'm staring up at him and I can't help but get caught in a blush and look down. This is not the Rose I know.

"Okay," I say, breaking the silence that is trying to envelope us, "so that's a real quote, what'd you say you'd make me do? I ask with raised eyebrows and a curious expression.

If Julius were a cocky person or an egotistical maniac, perhaps he would have asked for a kiss, which, of course, I would have refused. But, not to my surprise, my Julius looked at me and smirked deviously. He reached inside his long jacket and into one of those hidden compartment things, and pulled out a small paperback, the picture on the cover faded and the pages crinkled so much they could be a thousand years old.

I look up at him, expecting a perfectly reasonable explanation.

He rolls his eyes and explains, "I made sure to pack this book with me so you could read it." Before he can do anything, I snatch it from his hands and, when I see the title, I grown.

"The _Princess Bride?" _I ask in the most disgusted voice ever. "I'm not into romance, you know that."

"You liked _Romeo and Juliet_."

"That's different," I point out.

"How?" Julius asks and so the bickering continues until I wrinkle my nose and look down at the book.

"Couldn't you have picked something else?" I ask, trying to make myself sound disappointed, but it's not working. So far, literature-wise, Julius has not failed me. Yet.

"Would you rather read this?" He holds up the book that landed me in this little mess." I scowl and he laughs. "It's settled then. You read _The Princess Bride, _report back to me about how _amazing _it was, and you shower me with kisses. Simple."

"And absolutely ridiculous," I shove the book into his chest and he stumbles before catching himself.

"Just read it and stop being such a baby." When I don't budge, he gives me a condescending stare. "Now, Rosemarie-"

"Oh, you brat!" I grab the book and shove it into my bag. I don't look at him for the rest of our morning walk, but from what I can see out of peripheral vision, he's got the annoying little side-smirk on his face - though it is handsome, I find myself thinking.

* * *

By the time I get back from my morning walk with Julius, I'm tired, but also excited, and I have no time to start on that God-awful book he gave me. I straighten my hair, make sure no wrinkles are visible, and I look in the mirror.

Staring back at me is not just any guardian, but me. I've seen myself in the mirror a million times before, but this is one of the few times I have looked in and seen something totally different to what I've been since birth.

I guess I have Dimitri to thank for that.

* * *

The building is extremely low to the ground and not nearly as magnificent as the rest of Court. I guess I expected to see vaulted ceilings and statues of the previous rulers everywhere, but if that's true, I'm up to much disappointment.

When I walk through the front door, a woman informs me that I'm in the wrong place, and directs me to a small facility attached to the side of the building. I do as I'm told and find myself in a very grey, very dark room. Chairs line two of the walls, with a glass divider to show a filing room, and a small fold-in table in the corner holding a coffee pot and some paper cups.

I wonder if it would be very guardian-like to drink coffee at such a serious time, and I end up deciding against it, but the longer I wait for Dimitri, the more anxious I get.

* * *

_Tick. _

_Tick. _

_Tick. _

Dimitri told me ten o'clock, on the dot. However, the clock's smallest hand seems to have slipped to ten twenty-two. And still. No Dimitri.

I think about going into the interrogation room alone, without Dimitri. Although I cannot fathom all the questions that have the answers I'm dying to have, maybe I'd be better off going solo. I never needed Dimitri's help in this anyway. He only gained me ascess to this, and he's late. Figures, right?

The questions I'm supposed to ask Gin's granddaughter are ultimately up to me - and Dimitri if he ever decides to show up. Either way, I can either set this meeting up or tear it down with one wrong move. Which, I guess, is a reason I might need Dimitri. As much as I hate to admit it, Dimitri knows more than I do.

I guess in some way I'm hoping he won't show up. Wouldn't that be nice? I could slip out of this meeting unbeknownst to the girl beyond the door farthest from me. I can't help but wonder what she's thinking right now. Empty. Devoid of all emotions. Or full of so many feelings that she can barely hold them in.

In a way, I'm hoping she's empty. It'll make it easier to get the information I need.

If I had known earlier that Dimitri would be running late, I might have had time to run over to that small cafe and get a coffee for the black bags under my eyes. I don't sleep all that well. Not anymore. Not since I left the academy and definetely not since I met the kids. I believe in some sense that I worry too much. For them. For me. For Julius and Lissa and Dimitri and everyone else that I'm out of touch with. I've even thought about taking some Nyquil for the sake of sleep.

"Rose," Dimitri says, sliding in through the door leading out of the back exit of the building. I stand and give him the best smile I can stir up, and when he turns, I try to furiously rub the sleep out of my eyes. Dimitri Belikov never needs to know what has happened and what has changed since he first left the academy. To him, I can still be Rose without having changed in any other way.

"How are you today?" he asks in a monotone voice. He walks over to a bare table in the corner and picks up the file I laid there for him. With his back turned to me and his head dipped down, I am, for once, able to study him without him knowing. Even through the layers of clothes I can see the muscles in his back potruding, and I can just imagine running my hands down the small of his back.

It seems since he last left that he's been working out. Either that, or my mind is so deprived of Dimitri Belikov that I don't remember every waking part of his body.

But what intrigues me the most is the back of his neck. I know, I know. There are sexier parts of him than the back of his neck, but with his head bowed and his brunette hair slipping like a curtain around him, I can see two fresh, black Molnija marks.

He turns back to face me, a brow pierced higher than usual. "I asked you how you were, Rose," he says, and I realize what he had asked me minutes ago, before I had studied him. I shiver, even though the room temperature is above ninety, and give a forced smile.

"Fine. I'm fine," I say, my hands sweaty against the fabric of my black pants. I spare him a glance and a quick smile before sitting back down. "What about you?"

"I'm the same as yesterday," he says, licking his finger and turning the page at ease. He glances up at me and then back down. In that quick second, I feel my body go rigid and poised because of his eyes scanning my face. "Are you nervous?"

"About what?" I stand, and this time I walk over to the door and watch some of the light flood in from the cracks surrounding it. It's almost easier to imagine I am alone, by myself, and I am not haunted by Dimitri's eyes on me. If they are studying me, like I was studying him, I don't catch his stare when I turn to receive an answer to my question.

He clears his throat and drops the file back down on the table, one of the legs shaking unevenly in the process. "About this." He motions around the room. For a moment, for a flickering moment, I think he is talking about us. Alone. In a dim-lit room with a distance so inescapable it can't be described. . . Then it all comes crashing down when I realize he means the meeting with Gin's granddaughter.

I shake my head and reply weakly, "No." It's a lie. A complete and utter lie and I'm telling it to one of the few people I trust. But, when I think about it too hard, maybe I don't trust him as much as I used to. I have become accustomed to new people and new rules in this world that I no longer let my guard down as easily. Sometimes I wish I had never left at all. But then what? I would have been some sorrowful teenager who's dream-guy abandoned her.

"Good," he says. "Rose?" he asks after a lingering second.

"Yeah?"

"Don't be too hard on her."

"I won't," I murmur quietly, biting my fist to keep from saying more. God, I want to say more. I want to ask Dimitri so much. But I keep my mouth shut, because he's no longer a constant in my life.

"Not _her_." I turn away from the filtered light coming through the door and watch Dimitri swiftly, gracefully move across the room toward me. "I'm talking about Tasha."

My mind does a mental flip and I feel as if I might do one myself. _Is he serious? _"Are you serious?" I ask, my mouth agape and my arms and hands limp at my sides.

"Rose-"

"This has nothing to do with Tasha!" I shout a little too loudly. I hope - God, I hope - that no one beyond either of these doors can hear me. I grip my hands into fists so hard my knuckles turn white and I'm almost afraid the skin will split. I stare at Dimitri with my lips woven in a tight seam. "How dare you even bring that up."

Dimitri's eyes fall and I can't help but suppress a groan. "I don't give a damn about that anymore, Dimitri!" I yell, stepping forward, closer to him, and throwing my fists in the air. "I moved on! For God's sake, Dimitri, I moved on! Nothing, none of this, is about Tasha anymore! None of this is about _you_ anymore."

My voice is quiet on those last few words.

Dimitri looks up at me and our eyes connect. It's only then that I realize how close we actually are. And as much as I try to ignore that exact same feeling I have everytime I around Dimitri, it's there. It's faint, and it's not more than a spark, but it's there. I raise my eyes to the ceiling and take a deep breath.

"Let's just get this over with," I say and slip away from his closeness, heading toward the door. I hear soft but sturdy footsteps follow me. And right before, I'm able to open the door, with my hand on the doorknob, Dimitri's hand settles on mine, stopping me from further moving.

I look up at him and his head tilts back slightly, as if studying me. My eyes flutter upward then down and back again. Crazy. . . Stupid.

"You said you moved on," he says barely above a whisper, his thumb stroking the palm of my hand. "Does he treat you well?" His eyes flicker up to meet mine.

I take a tentative breath. "Yes."

* * *

"Hello," Dimitri says upon entry. "My name is Guardian Belikov. This is Guardian Hathaway. You don't have to worry. We'll take good care of you."

"Hi." I wave my hand fleetingly and smile.

Looking upon the file, I discovered that her full name was Ashley Elizabeth. Ashley will attend, upon parents agreement, St. Vladimir's Academy in exactly one school year. She has long, dark brown hair, much like mine, and blue-green eyes. She has made good progress as a dhampir and lives on the East side of the Court.

I was warned earlier, that most guardians admitted defeat after trying for several hours to get Ashley to talk. Which, you can't exactly blame the girl. Her family was ravenously murdered by Strigoi right in front of her eyes. Even therapy has not helped a single word fall through her cherry-colored lips.

"Ashley, do you remember anything that happened that day?" Dimitri asks, his eyes intently focused on the subject at hand. A scowl approaches my face. This would have been much easier if Dimitri had not intruded in my personal business.

Ashley doesn't reply. But, with a little waiting and silence, she blinks twice and stares at the wall behind Dimitri and me. I close my eyes and stifle a sigh. I thought this would be easier. Now, I feel as if I'm trying to achieve the impossible. It's hard to break through to something that's already broken.

Dimitri rubbed the back of his neck and tried again. "Ashley, do you recall any strange activity right before the attack happened?"

I trust Dimitri. I really do. Not as much as I used to, when things were normal and I hadn't uprooted my entire life to go and run away with the Contas', but I would still trust him to save me from falling off a cliff, and I even trust him enough that, if the moment came, he would rather sacrifice himself than let me die. But, as for this moment, I was needing for Dimitri to trust _me_ and let me do the talking.

We continued like this for a while longer, almost an hour and a half before Dimitri sighs and turns to me in his seat. "I'm going to get something to drink, do you want anything, Rose?"

"Decaf. Thanks." Dimitri stands from his seat and shortly after leaves the room. I'm alone, stuck with Ashley, the one thing I have wanted since we had gotten here. I scoot closer to the young girl and lean forward.

"I know how you feel," I start. "I really do. You want to cry. And scream. You're so _angry_ at the world for doing this to you. You're upset because these. . . these monsters, they took your family and left you to suffer. I totally get that.

"That's why I'm trying to help you. That's why Guardian Belikov and I are doing this. I know it sucks to be forced into a room and be interrogated like a criminal." I look around the blank white room with its dangling light fixtures and a small table in the with nothing but a small brochure for therapy-treatment laying on it. I sigh and brush back a strand of hair.

"We're just trying to help you, Ashley. We want to catch these Strigoi as much you do," I say. "You have to help us help you. You want to avenge your family? Fine. Go ahead. Do that. But the only way you will be able to do that is if you talk."

Two blinks.

"You know how hard it was for me to get here?" I ask her dully. "If that guy-" I point to where Dimitri had exited minutes ago "-wouldn't have helped me, you'd still be in therapy with nothing better to do than cry yourself to sleep at night." I lean back in my chair.

"I lost someone, too. And I'm reminded of that person every single Goddamn day. It's not easy. I understand that. Your life never goes back to normal, but it does get better. But right now, you aren't doing your family any favors by sitting there, not talking, and sulking like the five year-old you might've been when those Strigoi killed your family."

I'm out of breath by the time I finish. I glance up at Ashley and I'm reminded of myself. Of me when Mason was lying on the ground, his head at an odd angle and his neck twisted. The pain was so horrible and unbearable for such a long time. But I moved on. I survived.

"I'm guessing that's a no," I say and stand. Another deep breath and I look at Ashley. "Thank you for your time, Ashley. Maybe you'll feel better tomorrow." I turn to leave through the same door Dimitri did, but I stop when I hear a cracked, broken voice echo in the room.

"You're coming back tomorrow?" I turn and see Ashley staring blankly at me. Her lips show no sign of movement, chapped and closed in a tight line. But she's staring at me, so that has to mean something. I couldn't have imagined that, right?

I take my chances of sanity and say, "Yes." Maybe the white room gave me some sort of delusional sense, dazed or whatever. When Ashley says nothing, I continue. "I'll come back everyday until I get some sort of information. We're here for, I'm here for you, remember?"

For five long seconds, Ashley stares at me and I stare back. It's almost a war of the staring game, until she blinks and her eyes return to their dull staring of the wall. I watch her for another ten seconds before leaving the room, the door sliding shut behind me.

"Hey," I hear Dimitri's voice say. I turn and see him walking toward me from a hallway off to the side. I sigh gratefully when I see the steaming cup of coffee that I desperately need.

"Thank you," I say and take a big sip, sighing of relief when the warm coffee hits my tongue. "I so needed that."

"What's going on?" he asks, nodding his head toward the entrance of the room where Ashley is probably being escorted out. I suck on my bottom lip and turn back to Dimitri.

"I think we're done for the day."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah," I say. "Not much more is going to happen today, I don't think. Anyway-"

"Guardian Hathaway?" There's a woman in the room now. She is tall, almost to the point of being noted as lanky, but straight as a pole. Her eyes flicker to Dimitri for one heartbeat before her eyes settle on me. "There's a phone call waiting for you in the front office."

I glance up at Dimitri as if he knows the answer. I look forward, to the tall woman, and nod. Phone call. . . Right.

The woman walks ahead of us as we walk across the side of the building and into the biggest one. The phone is laying on the desk and I reach for it on instinct. Before putting it to my ear, I glance up at the woman. "Who is it?"

She shrugs and I mutter, "Great. Thanks for the warning."

In the back of my mind, I have a spark of hope it's my mom. I've never known her to be huge on phones or electronics, but whatever, and I'm surprised when I hear a voice that's so familiar and so foreign at the same time. I glance up at Dimitri and he furrows his eyebrows, further increasing the dent between his eyes. I shake my head.

"Who is this?" I clear my throat.

"Rose?"

"Wren?" I'm taken back, and Dimitri moves forward on instinct, probably because of the surprise and questioning in my voice. Maybe even a little panic is washed somewhere in the mix, I don't know. I'm too busy wondering how the hell Wren got a hold of a phone. "Wren, where'd you find a phone?"

"No time," she says, and I can hear the panic rising in her voice.

"Wren. . . ?"

"Rose," she says tightly, as if she's holding onto something but straining. "It's Julius."

I don't have time to reply before I drop the phone and dart out of the room. And somehow, without even looking, I know that Dimitri is right behind me.

* * *

Author's Notes:

_The Prophet_ by Kahlil Gibran

_The Princess Bride_ by William Goldman


	28. Chapter Twenty Eight

For once, I thank God that Dimitri made me do all those laps when we trained.

Images flash in my head. A whirlwind of them and I'm trapped and blinded by the many, many pictures popping up in my head. Anything could be happening to Julius, _my _Julius. The annoying, sarcastic, impossible Julius that just happens to be my kind-of boyfriend. Because it couldn't happen to someone else, whatever "it" is. It had to happen to the boy who wouldn't hurt a fly, the one who I happen to have feelings for.

The one who helps me forget about Dimitri.

I push all thoughts out of my mind, all of them except the numbers I count every time my feet hit the pavement. I am sure I look ridiculous to other people, running, sweating, and panicking because I cannot even focus. I look back and see Dimitri right behind me, but I don't slow down. Even though it gives me comfort that Dimitri has my back, for whatever is about to happen, I'm still freaking out. I can't stop thinking about Julius and what or who and why or when or how and, God, I'm still freaking.

I turn onto the courtyard area and jog up the stairs. I don't even bother knocking. I just throw open the door and stand in the foyer like a complete idiot. At first it's quiet, and I almost come to the conclusion that Wren just pulled a very cruel prank on me, but then I hear crashing, the sounds of destruction, glass breaking. I turn to Dimitri and give him a questioning look before I run up the stairs to the end of the hall. The sounds are coming from the very last door, and I throw it open before I can think.

And I freeze.

It's almost as if time stops and only I'm moving, my pulse racing, my heart pounding.

Because, in that moment of complete silence and then utter demolition, Julius has gone completely. . . crazy.

There's broken glass everywhere. Lamps, plates, a mirror in the corner of the room is shattered and I can see my reflection through the hundred little pieces. I watch as Julius tears the curtains to shreds, as Wren and Henry cower in the corner, away from their psychotic cousin, and how Alexis is nowhere to be seen. I see Dimitri beside me, reaching for me, saying my name, and I'm trying, I'm really trying to come back to the present but there's so much glass and shards and ashes that I can't. I just can't.

But one sound pierces through the haze. It's Julius, his sobs, the almost silent sound that comes before and after he breaks yet another thing. I move just as Dimitri is about to touch my hand and I run over to Julius. I try not to get hit as he throws a glass vase at the wall behind my head. I'm shouting, yelling, screaming, trying to get his attention. Break through the barrier that has risen, that has let the darkness take over.

"Stop!" I scream, trying to get through to the entity that has possessed my Julius. "Stop! Julius!"

I don't get through to him, though. He continues on his rampage and I can see he's losing things to break, to shatter into complete and utter nothing. I know soon he'll move onto something else, a different room, and this time I don't even scream. I whisper the words to him, so that only he can hear.

"Julius, please," I whisper. I see the rage in his eyes, the path of destruction, the tangled web that he's just weaved. "Julius, it's me. It's Rose. I'm here. I'm here for you, so just stop. Stop and please, please look at me. I'm here."

_I'm here. _

That seems to be the only thing that registers to him and his shoulders go slack. The fire that was burning behind his eyes smothers and dies out, his body drained and I can see it. I finally realize what I saw in his eyes. But it can't be true. It just can't be.

But I saw what I see in Lissa.

He's a Spirit-user.

And if he's gone mad, then that means-

Dimitri sweeps in and grabs Julius before I can take action, interrupting my train of thought, and yanks him, pinning him against the wall. Julius is strong, but he's nothing compared to Dimitri. Besides, he doesn't even try to fight it. He lets Dimitri hold the shirt of his neck because he's gone limp and he's just staring. He's staring at me and I'm looking away because I know what is happening.

I want to tell Dimitri to let go but I just can't. What if Julius snaps again? So, instead, I let Dimitri hold Julius against the wall and think.

I know the Spirit is getting to him. Just like it did with Vladimir. Just like it will with Lissa. And Adrian. Except with Lissa, I can take away the darkness.

I can't take away what's happening inside of Julius.

"Rose?" His voice is quiet, and his body quivers. He's weak, scared, and I just want to wrap my arms around him and tell him everything's going to be all right. But even though I might be there for him to tell him everything is okay, who's going to be there to tell _me _the same?

"Rose?" he says again, whispers almost. "I'm sorry." He shakes his head, and his gaze moves from me to the corner of the room.

_Wren. Henry. Alexis. _

I let Dimitri pull Julius out of the room and somewhere else and while he does that, I run over and put my arms around Wren and Henry.

"It's okay," I whisper in Henry's ear. I smooth back Wren's hair. She's not even a teenager right now. They're both afraid. They don't know what is going on with Julius and how he just. . . snapped. "It's okay," I say again, more to convince myself than them.

I lean back and hold Henry close to me. Wren shakes her head, closes her eyes. She looks like she's in denial. Maybe that's a good thing.

"What's going on, Rose?" she asks, and I hush her, tell her it's going to be okay. That's all I can say, right?

"Where's Alexis?" I ask once I'm satisfied that they are both calm and no longer terrified. Wren rubs her eyes and sighs, takes a deep breath. She doesn't understand. Neither does Henry. Only I understand, and maybe Dimitri, too.

"She's in her room," Wren answers. "As soon as we heard the first thing break, I told her to hide in her closet."

"Good," I say, running a quivering hand through my hair. I glance back at Wren and Henry and take a deep breath. "Why don't you guys join her? It might be a while before Julius is back to normal. I don't want any of you to get caught in the middle if he goes off again. Do you understand?"

They both nod and before I can say anymore, Wren leads Henry away and out of the room. I wait until they are out of sight for me to collapse to the floor, my own puddle. I pull back my hair and take deep breaths, tell myself it's okay. I know what's happening to Julius. It's the consequences of being a Spirit-user. It's the darkness, the madness that takes over and I'm the only one that knows.

Except for Lissa, but I can't tell her about this. I don't want her or Adrian near Julius. I don't want them influencing him to try and understand his element. I don't want him to understand that this, all of this could kill him if he goes to the edge. He just went to the edge, I think. _But he didn't jump. At least not yet. _

I pull myself off the floor and look down at the shattered mirror pieces lying on the floor. My reflection is what I feel like inside. A hundred fragments about to break and fall apart.

* * *

Dimitri has Julius in his room. He's sitting on the foot of the bed and his eyes rise from his glare at the floor and he stands. I pull him into my arms and tell him it's okay. I lean into him and he leans into me and we're using each other for support. I don't even care if Dimitri sees such a vulnerable moment for the both of us, a moment where Julius and I are sharing something more intimate that I've ever shared with anyone other than Dimitri.

I lean back and kiss Julius on the cheek. I smile, or I try to smile. I'm too tired to think or try to do something, so I just ask him to sit back down and so do I. Dimitri excuses himself and leaves, and again I wrap my arms around Julius, my arms around his neck, his around my waist. I'm tempted to say something, anything, but I just stay quiet. I can tell he's falling apart right now.

"What's happening to me, Rose?" he whispers in my ear. I pull back and feel a little surprised when I see his face is tear-stained, his tears having made lines across his cheeks. I wipe them away and shake my head.

"Nothing's happening, Julius," I assure him. "You'll be back to normal in no time. You just need to rest."

He pulls me close again, and again that intimacy pops up and I'm glad for it. This is more than we've shared since the day we have met. I hold on to him like he's my lifeline and I can feel the raw emotions radiate from his body.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers. I feel a tear fall onto my shoulder but I don't care.

"It's not your fault," I say and I lean back. I give him another reassuring smile and I pull back the covers. He crawls in, to weary to ask questions. He sits below the covers, I sit above, and I hold him until he falls asleep. He's like a child, in desperate need of something that's good, that's alive and not going to hurt him. And I guess, for him, that's me.

He's asleep, but I kiss his forehead anyway.

It's half an hour later before I look down and see the peaceful look on Julius' face. I slip out of his arms and out of the room, shutting the door behind me. I want to collapse right then, in the middle of the hallway, but I steel myself against the raging emotions and I go to find Dimitri, wherever he went off to.

* * *

I find him in the upstairs parlor, right beside Julius' bedroom. He turns around as I walk in and immediately I'm in his arms. He's holding me and I'm holding him. I almost feel guilty because I've held and I've been held by two different people in the last hour. And they are so different, Dimitri and Julius. How can I be caught between these two, caught in this tangled web because I loved Dimitri and I still love him, but I have Julius now, even if I'm not in love with him.

"I don't know what to do," I tell him. I'm enveloped in his arms and he strokes my hair. It's comforting, and I find myself closing my eyes and thinking, How can this be possible? Two different guys in the same house, but they are so different, and I care about both of them so much. Impossible seems to be fit for this situation, but all I feel like is lucky. Lucky I once was able to share intimate moments like this with Dimitri and now I can share them with Julius.

"You don't have to do anything," says Dimitri. "This isn't something you can fix yourself, Rose. This is Julius, this is his problem. You don't have to fix any of it."

But I do, I think. I have to pick up the broken pieces and repair the damage. I have to fix the puzzle pieces so they can fall in the right places. So that the next time Julius comes close to contact with the edge, he won't jump. He'll walk away.

"You don't understand," I whisper, burying my face in Dimitri's shirt. My fists clench the fabric. "I know why this is happening. I know how to help, Dimitri. I'm the only one who can." I lean back and look Dimitri in the eyes. "I can fix this."

"Don't." Dimitri smiles. It's a small, slight smile, but it's there. He brushes a strand of hair away from my face, tucks it behind my ear. "Don't try and do something you can't, Rose. You're not invincible."

"I can think I am, though," I whisper, feeling the slightest of his touch and almost jumping out of my skin because of it. "Julius is like Lissa," I explain to Dimitri. "You know what Lissa can do. What she has done. I can't let Julius do that, too."

I can't let that happen to Julius or Lissa or Adrian. They're all too important, they're all family.

"Dimitri, I can-"

"Shhh. Just. . ." His words are hot against my ear. He's pulled me so close by now I can feel his heartbeat. "Please, Roza. . . Don't make me regret leaving you."

And then I'm really in his arms, I'm reveling in the feel of his body against mine, his touch on my skin and it's like fire. We're fire. And then his lips are against mine, chapped but full of power and force because it's been so long since we've kissed and held each other in each other's arms. Because he's trying to remember me and my lips and their taste and I do the same to him.

His words roll like waves in my head. I can still feel the heat of his words against my ear. This moment, these raw emotions and this vulnerable attraction, I can't get enough of it. I love every second of it. Because it's me and Dimitri. It's him and me against the world. But most of all, it's just him.

And then it's over. Just like that. He pulls away and I feel dizzy and lost without the contact of him and me together as one. He cups my face in his warm hands and he leans in close, his lips barely brushing mine. And he whispers, so quiet I can barely hear it.

"I regret leaving you, Roza." He starts to say more, but then I mumble, "Yes," and I'm kissing him again. Again and again and again. It's like this never-ending wave of emotions and love and perfection and I'm drowning in it. I'm drowning in Dimitri's brown eyes and my hair and his hair make a curtain so that we can only see each other when we pull apart.

"Do you love him, Roza?" he asks. His fingers trace shapes against my lips. I don't think I've ever seen Dimitri like this, so physical and emotional and absolutely perfect in my eyes.

I blink a few times, then look up at Dimitri. "I. . . I can't tell you that," I say I see the immediate hurt in Dimitri's eyes and I hurry to catch up. "But not in that way. I love him because I care about him, Dimitri. Not because I'm in love with him."

"You said he treats you well," says Dimitri, "did you mean it?"

"Yes."

"Has he kissed you?" I see the look in Dimitri's eyes. I want to kiss him again but I don't. I wait and think, because why should Dimitri know if I've kissed Julius or not? Isn't that mine to offer or reject?

"No," I answer. "He hasn't kissed me."

"Good." Dimitri nods his head. "Because I want to be the only one."

Our lips come close, but we still hold it off. He still has questions, I still have answers, and I want some answers of my own.

"Why did you leave?" I ask, intertwining my fingers with his. "Why did you leave with Tasha when I was right there beside you?"

"Because I needed to," he replies. "It was so no one found out. No one can know, Rose. No one can know what we have or what we had in the past."

"I understand that, but-" He cuts me off before I can finish.

"I want to come back, Roza."

Shock. And then love. I stare at him and say in a cracking voice, "You do?" I want his answer. He really wants to come back. To me. To us. Maybe this time we can start over, we can be together and no one will judge us because he's older than I am.

"I do," he says. He kisses me gently. And then he mumbles four little words, four little words that make all the difference in the world. Everything good in those words, those- "I love you, Roza."

I want to smile and laugh because he never left me because he loved Tasha. He left me to protect me when he didn't realize he was hurting me.

"Unbelievable."

A single gasp escapes my looks. I break away from Dimitri and look toward the door with shock etched into my features. I breathe deeply. I don't bother looking at Dimitri because there is too much there right now.

"Wren," I breathe. I wonder how long she's been standing there. Since we first embraced? Did she see the entire thing? Did she just walk in?

My answer comes, for she shakes her head, a look of hatred and disgust on her face, and I can see the scene before her unravel in her eyes. _She saw everything. _"You're unbelievable. You're a piece of crap."

"Wren, I didn't-" I start to say, but she cuts me off.

"My cousin is in the next room in pain and you're in here MAKING OUT WITH ANOTHER GUY!" She holds back tears and even more repulsive words. "I knew it was too good to be true. You're nothing, Rose."

She turns and runs off. I stand there, gaping, until I feel Dimitri reach for me. "Don't!" I scream at him, ball my hands into fists. "This is all your fault!" I scream at him, fuel my anger. "You came back when I _finally _didn't need you anymore!"

"Rose, I-" Dimitri reaches out again. I slap his hands away.

"What kind of game are you playing, Belikov?" I spit. "Are you having fun?"

"I'm not playing games, Roza," he says, reaching out to touch my cheek. I take a step back, shake my head.

"Please don't," I say, and then I'm chasing after Wren because I have no idea what she's going to do or say and I can't let Julius know how much I have betrayed him. I have betrayed him in ways so horrible and wrong but I know deep down inside that I feel something incredible when I'm with Dimitri.

When I reach the hallway, Wren is already at Julius' door, her hand about to turn the doorknob. I know what she's planning on doing. She wants to tell Julius my betrayal, the way I so passionately kissed Dimitri when I won't even let him put his arm around me. I throw myself in front of Wren before she can turn the knob.

"Don't!" I say, venom left over in my voice from my conversation with Dimitri. "Don't you dare hurt him anymore than he already has."

Wren stares at me, hates me with her eyes and says words without even opening her mouth. It's all in her eyes. "You're a disgusting human being, Rose. I thought I could trust you. Obviously I was wrong."

"You're not," I say, I whisper. I stand in front of the door so she can't tell Julius the things I've just committed in the next room over. Oh, God, if he ever finds out, I couldn't imagine. . .

He would go off the edge.

"You're not wrong," I say, trying to explain and failing for my lack of words. "You can trust me."

"No," she says, "I can't. What were you thinking, Rose? Kissing that guy when Julius. . ." She trails off, bites down on her bottom lip. "He's been so happy lately. I. . . I can't believe you wasted something like that."

"Why do you want to hurt him?" I ask. "If you tell him, he'll be devastated. You just can't do that to him. Not after all I have done."

Wren shakes her head, closes her eyes, clenches her fists. She opens her eyes. "Fine," she says, turning her head and focusing on the wall so she doesn't have to look at me. _Do I disgust her that much? _"I won't tell him. At least not now. But just wait, Rose. I made a promise, and I plan to keep that promise."

I watch. I wait.

"I vow to make the rest of your time here miserable." Her bottom lip trembles before she stands tall and says, "I hate you." Then she pushes past me and I stand there. I just ruined everything. One kiss with Dimitri and I might as well be done for here. I should go, leave here until everyone cools down, until _I _cool down.

But all I want right now is to be with Julius so I can make up for all my mistakes.


	29. Chapter Twenty Nine

Dimitri is waiting for me when I come back, even though I wish he'd just _poof! _and disappear until I could figure out what to do with myself.

"You should go," I tell him, remaining closed off and my voice neutral. I spent so long removing Dimitri from my life after I lost hope of him coming back. It's been only two days and I already came running back into his arms, washing away any dignity I had left.

He doesn't say anything. Just stands there and stares at me and I can see him struggling to keep up with what's going on, what he should and should not say. I don't want his apology, if he has one to give, and I certainly can't stay here much longer. After everything, he came back and destroyed it. He turned my bright future into a city of rubble, of pure desolation and destruction and it hurts. In one day, I might just lose everything I care about. All because I kissed Dimitri and betrayed Julius.

And while remaining here closed off to Dimitri, I might just lose both of them. Each and every one of them. Not just Dimitri and Julius. I'm talking about Alexis and Henry and this position and, even though I know I've already lost Wren, maybe I can explain to her what happened. How sorry I am and how much I care about all of them - especially Julius. Especially the one boy who helped me out of the coma I was going in with Dimitri gone.

Now Dimitri's back.

But suddenly I don't think I want him as much as I did five minutes ago.

"What were you thinking?" I whisper, glancing up at him through my lashes. "You kissed me when you knew. . ." My voice cracks and I turn away, face the distant wall and pray that he won't answer. Maybe he'll leave. Maybe he won't come back and I won't have to choose between what I want and what I can't have and what I feel and what I don't feel.

"You told me you didn't love him," Dimitri says, and I realize he's behind me, the brush of his hand sending shivers down my spine. I take a step forward and swivel around on my heel to face him.

"That doesn't mean you kiss me," I snap at him, wishing I could snatch it back almost immediately.

"What I told you," Dimitri says. "About leaving Tasha and coming back? I meant it. I want to come back."

"Why?" I ask him. "Did you see how happy I was and get jealous or something?" But that sounds wrong on my tongue. That isn't Dimitri. He wouldn't get jealous because of Julius and do something about it at my expense.

"I'm sorry, Rose," he says, and then he sweeps out of the room, his duster twirling around and then settling to wrap around his legs. I watch wistfully as he leaves, suddenly hating myself ten times more than I did a few seconds ago.

If I lose both of them. . .

The thought makes a knot twist in my stomach.

I wait until I hear the slam of the door as Dimitri leaves, then I make my way across the hall and start cleaning up the mess Julius made. I don't want Vivian to come home and suspect anything happened. I'll make up some excuse, like maybe Julius has a fever. I don't know how severe the darkness from Spirit is in him. If I'm too late or I can still save him.

I sweep up the ashes and clean up the shattered mirror. The room looks bare as I throw broken glass and destroyed wood into a trash bag. I hang a picture of a mountain in the summertime to cover up a fist-sized hole in the wall, and then I take off the bed sheets and throw them in the laundry hamper for the maid to get later. The curtains are destroyed beyond repair, you can barely recognize what the velvety fabric was. I tear them from the rods and stuff them into the garbage before I get to work on the bathroom.

The mirror has only a crack in it, so I ignore that, and I put the toilet back on its foundation. I mop the floors and that's when I see it. I stop dead in my tracks because there's a smear of blood on the edge of claw-foot tub. Did Julius injure himself?

I run around and clean the rest of the stuff up and then throw the trash bag into the garbage disposal, then I run back upstairs and, after checking on Henry and Alexis who are a bit shaken up but fine, despite their cousin having gone off the wall, I finally make my way to Julius' room. I tap lightly on the wood and crack open the door.

I'm greeted by smiling eyes and the most wonderful expression to have after a break-down.

I almost cry out in relief and walk to the foot of the bed, cautious to be quiet and calm. I smile at Julius and he smiles back, but I can tell he's exhausted.

"Why are you all the way over there?" he asks, barely managing to keep his eyes open. It takes some effort, and I watch as he scoots over and throws the covers back, but I don't stop him. He pats the empty space beside him and - Lord help me - I crawl in beside him and he tucks the covers around me.

I've never seen him take charge like this, but he wraps his weak arms around me and pulls into his chest, and I curl into a ball, burying my face into his chest. He smells like sweat and shampoo and some distinguished smell I can't put my finger on. He tucks my head under his chin and I feel how tense he is.

This is the closest we have ever been. I'm terrified but relieved at the same time. I know I should be worrying about his physical state and his mental health, but this new feeling, this whole new landscape where he's actually holding me and I'm not pushing away.

"I don't know what's happening to me," he whispers, his breath tickling my scalp. I look up at him and am surprised to see tears in the corners of his eyes. They don't fall, though, and I can tell he's making an effort not to cry in front of me.

It breaks my heart. To know that I know what's happening to him, that I understand the pain and torment he's undergoing, and I can't do anything about it. I can help Lissa, but only because we're bonded. But Julius, he's on his own, and I have no way of telling how long he's been dealing with Spirit.

I could explain to him. Maybe I could even introduce him to Lissa or Adrian. They could help him understand his element, help him have better control. But I don't want that kind of influence. If he can heal like Lissa can, then it's possible he will try and use his powers. And that makes the darkness grow.

I can't protect him then.

I feel Julius start to shudder and I know what's coming. I move away and this time he's leaning into me; I'm giving him support. His head rests on my chest, his hand grasping my upper arm, and I use one to play with his hair while the other caresses his cheek. I don't feel the tears, or hear him crying, but I know they're there, and after a while his breath slows and he falls back to sleep.

It's an hour later when Julius comes to. He sits up in bed and looks around before his eyes settle on me and they soften. He leans back into the pillow and lets out a long sigh. I know he's not capable of getting out of bed soon, and I consider getting him something to eat. Soup, maybe.

I start to get out of bed when I feel his hand brush my back.

"Don't go," he says in a raspy voice, like he's been screaming. Was he screaming? He wasn't screaming when I got here, but maybe before that. When it all started.

I take a moment, then nod my head, leaning back so that my back is touching is chest and my hair is tickling his face. I listen to the slow and steady breaths he takes, the soft rhythm of his heartbeat, barely beating hard enough for me to feel it, hammering away in his chest.

"You should see my room back in the mountains," he says, brushing back my hair so his lips align with my ear. "I can show you when we go back in a few days."

"Julius. . ." I start to object, but I stop. How can I act so affectionate to the one person I just hurt not too long ago? Maybe he's taunting me. Maybe he knows I was all over Dimitri and now he wants to make me feel worse.

But how can he know? No one knows except Dimitri and me. And Wren, but I don't want to think about her right now.

"Why don't you live with your parents?" I ask and immediately regret it when I feel him tense.

He sighs and slowly I feel the tension waver and disappear almost completely. But I know it's there, ready to spring back at a moment's notice.

"My parents," he says. "They're. . . They're great, really."

"But?" I ask.

"But they are so caught up in their own lives'," he explains. "It's like. . . It's never been just us in a house together. There were always parties to go to and business to attend to. It was like there just wasn't enough time in the world to get caught up in Moroi politics and gossip and they felt like they couldn't waste a second to spare their only son's feelings."

He keeps going. "It wasn't like that when I was younger," he says. "I used to go places with them. They used to enjoy it, too. Spending family time and work time together, at the same time. But I got too old, I guess, for it to be cute anymore. I still live with them, but I think I told you that I would be staying with Aunt Vivian for a while."

I nod. He breathes into my hair, his breath tickling the back of neck and sending shivers down my spine. I cover it up by pulling up the covers even further until they reach my chin.

We're silent for a while and we listen to each other breathe. It's not until Julius moves closer that he speaks.

"Did you clean it up?" he asks in the darkness of the room.

I don't understand at first what he's talking about, but then I do. He's talking about the mess he made when he was. . . I cut off the thought.

"Yeah," I say. "There wasn't too much damage. At least nothing major." I wait for his reply. It doesn't come. "I don't think Vivian will notice," I add after a minute.

Julius shifts so that he's further away from me, close but a little out of my reach. I frown but don't do anything, except turn to face him. He has already closed his eyes and I know he wants to stop talking. There's been too much pain in one day and I don't know how he's even handling it. I stay quiet and brush back a strand of hair and linger for a second when one my fingers brushes his lips. I pull back after a second too long but I see it, in the darkness. It's one of those blink-and-you'll-miss-it smiles, but it's so small I can barely see it.

It's there, though.

He smiled.

* * *

I wonder what Vivian would think if she came home to find me in Julius' bed.

I stay curled up for a while until I know that Julius has reached the last stage where he's fully and deeply asleep. I inch backward until I feel the dip in the bed and I get up quickly so he won't feel me leaving. I tiptoe to the bathroom and flick the light switch.

The mirror shows my hair is a mess, my uniform is wrinkled and crumpled and I know that if Wren or Vivian saw me coming out of this room they would get the wrong idea. I brush out the tangles in my hair and fix my shoelaces before I exit the bathroom and turn the light off.

I kiss Julius' forehead before I leave his room, shutting the door quietly behind me. I wait and listen to see if he'll wake up from the noise, but all I hear is a shift in the bed and a moan before he settles back into sleep.

I pass by the upstairs sitting area where Dimitri and I made out and I pass Alexis' room, where Henry is helping her dress up her dolls. I linger in the doorway and watch them. Henry especially, since now, after so much stress, he looks like a younger version of Mason Ashford again. I turn away before I can think more of it, but I still have one thought.

I kissed Dimitri. I stayed in Julius' bed. And now I'm thinking of Mason. It's funny, but I find no humor in it at all.

"I'm leaving, guys," I tell Henry and Alexis. Alexis hugs me but all Henry does is give me a concerned look. Is it the way I look, my appearance, or did Wren mention something to him while I was tending to Julius? I don't know, so I just give him a weak smile and leave, descending the stairs. . .

Just as Vivian and Wren walk through the front door.

I freeze on the second to last step. All I have to do is take that last step, say a few words to Vivian, and then I'm to freedom. But the way Wren is glaring at me with hatred and disgust keeps me frozen in place.

I can fight Strigoi, no problem, but teenage girls, not so much.

"Rose!" Vivian cries out, and I think, This is it. I'm done for. She knows. Wren told her everything and now I'm about to be fired and humiliated and Vivian is going to tell everyone she knows - and I mean everyone - until no Moroi will ever hire me and then I'll surely never become Lissa's guardian.

But then Vivian smiles and my worries wash away. "Thank you for watching the children while I was gone. It's terrible out there!" She pauses to observe my appearance, but seems to shrug it off. "Would you like to stay for dinner?"

I'd love to, if Wren was not shooting daggers at me and Julius was not sleeping upstairs in his impaired state of mind.

I say, "No thank you. I have some. . ." I look at Wren, who crosses her arms and narrows her eyes even further, so now they're only slits in her face. "I have some guardian business to attend to."

Oh," says Vivian, sounding genuinely disappointed - it makes me feel terrible. "Well, that's too bad. Maybe next time then."

"Maybe next time," I agree. Vivian smiles again at me before making an exit into the parlor to do whatever it is she does. Wren starts to stomp her way into the sitting room, and I know if it weren't for me blocking the staircase, she would be heading to her room. But I don't think she even wants to be in the _country _as me, let alone the same room, only two feet separating us.

"Wren," I call out, but she keeps walking, easily ignoring me. I sigh in frustration and stomp down the last two steps. "Fine, have it your way," I say. "I don't care if your mad at me, but if you care about Julius as much as I think you do, then for God's sake, can you make him some soup or something?"

Wren spins on her heel and faces me. "Why should I do anything for you?" she spats, her words a echoing a little too loudly.

"It's not for me," I tell her. "It's for Julius."

She narrows her eyes. "Why can't you do it?" she asks pettily and I have to clench my hands into fists to keep from walking up to her and shaking her hysterically.

"I need to leave," I explain.

"Why? So you can go slide your tongue down someone else's throat?" says Wren. "I guess you can't get much privacy with a bunch of kids in the house. Or Julius, for that matter."

Words betray me and she leaves me with a stupid pained expression on my face.

That hurt more than it should have.

* * *

I climb back up the stairs and slide into Julius' room, locking the door behind me. I see he's fast asleep in his bed, his arms splayed out on his sides and his face has a calm look, like sleep washed away all the pain and hurt from today. I don't mess with him by trying to slide back into bed, so I make my way over to an ugly green couch in the corner of the room by the window. It's green - what else? - velvet with a gold rim and claw-footed legs.

I flop down on the plushy upholstery and untie my laces, letting my combat boots drop to the floor with a _clop! _I curl up with one of the matching pillows and listen to Julius breathe. Right now it sounds like the most comforting thing in the world, like I'm a baby and he's the sound-machine and it lulls me to sleep within minutes.

What I am confronted with is neither what I expected, nor what I wanted.

But I don't think Adrian agrees.


	30. Chapter Thirty

I wake up bleary-eyed, feeling my stomach turn over as I glance in the direction of Julius, who's flopped over the bed and snoring. I wonder if he got up to use the bathroom or something, or if he just naturally hogs the bed like that.

I climb off the couch, my right arm aching from where it was crushed under the rest of my body. I rub the sleep out of my eyes as I put my boots on and zip up my jacket. I feel as if I've overused my welcome here, like I'm an intruder in this house and in this room, where I can't even look anywhere without seeing signs of Julius' tantrum, or the vivid memories of Dimitri rushing into the house like the hero he is.

There is a certain air over me that's suffocating, poisioning all my thoughts that don't include guilt over Julius, or burning anger over Dimitri. I wish I could run to Lissa and tell her what's on my mind, but what would it help to burden her with my problems? Besides, she can't know about Dimitri, but I'm starting to question whether I should confirm her suspicions about Julius being a Spirit-user.

I can't stand the thought of anyone _encouraging _him to use his elemental power, but I can't see how it would work out if I never told him, never gave him the help he needed, the support and understanding that I can't provide him. Adrian helped Lissa; she didn't feel so alone, so helpless in a situation. She's learning to deal with her powers, control them. Julius is lost, on his own, and I hate keeping him that way when I know there are others like him so close at hand.

I slip out of the room and start to climb down the grand staircase, my hand on the banister, guiding me to freedom out of this place. I'm close to the middle when Vivian shashays - I'm not even kidding, she _sashays _\- into the foyer and smiles at me with dark red lipstick.

"I was just looking for you, Rose," she says, smiling gently at me. Her lips are stained a strawberry red, lipstick dabbed across. I tense at the sight of her, afraid because I've made an enemy of her daughter and that could very well cost me this job and Julius.

"You were?" I ask, biting down on my tongue until I felt the coppery taste of blood. I ignored the numbing pain, wondering how much time I had biding before Vivian came right out and said it. That I was a cheater, a liar, and a failure as a professional guardian. I've made this job so personal, sometimes I feel as if I'm not even a guardian to these people.

"Yes," says Vivian. Her smile looks so genuine and nice that I wonder if she even knows. "There's someone here for you." Her lips curve to the side as they purse and she adds, "I left him outside on the porch, but that probably wasn't a good idea, what with this weather."

_Him. _

I feel my stomach flip and one word crawls in my mind: _Dimitri. _It can't be him, so soon. He probably hates me for screaming at him, but would he really come back for me?

"Uh. . . thanks."

I take each step carefully, slowly, contemplating all the things I can or will tell him. That I'm sorry. That it's my fault. That everything has become so personal I can't even think straight anymore. I can't handle the suspense anymore, and though I feel myself becoming weaker as I fly down the rest of the steps, and thinking that if I'm about to trip and fall that maybe that's not such a bad thing.

I reach the door first, pulling on the latch and opening it with Vivian a few steps behind me. I'm exploding with all the words and apologies I want to say to Dimitri when it all comes crashing down right before my eyes.

"Adrian?" I gasp, feeling the cold air blow forth and hit my face like a tidal wave. "What the hell are you doing here?" I look back at Vivian.

Casually leaning against the stone railing, his cheeks red from the cold and his smile never-wavering, I stare at Adrian, hands in his pockets, wearing a gey coat that reaches down to his knees. I can't help thinking that he's never looked more handsome than right now, wearing wrinkled grey pants and a dark navy blue shirt, creased and slightly un-tucked. He looks like he hasn't shaved in a day or two, a dark shadow spread across his lower face, giving him an almost rugged look.

"Ah, Guardian Hathaway." He raises his hands in a dramatic way. "Where have you been all my life?"

My cheeks flush bright red and I'm thankful the cold weather has already made them red. I glance behind me at Vivian, who is studying Adrian with dark eyes, her lips pursed. She's staring at him with a hunger in her light-colored irises, her back ram-rod straight, the top two buttons of her blouse undone, but she doesn't seem to notice, as I stare, with a look of pure and utter horror, as the once-married, middle-aged woman looks like she's about to pounce on Adrian.

My stomach flips and my mouth goes dry before I realize what is happening: I'm _jealous. _I have never been jealous of Adrian, but I am now. Or maybe not jealous, just defensive, protective, not wanting a woman twenty-something years his senior to stare at him like that.

I gulp down the gagging sensation in my throat, turning back toward Adrian. "What are you doing here?" I say, suddenly regretting I ever mentioned anything to him about where we were staying or anything having to do with my job. He would never have found me had I not told him.

Adrian glances down at me and says, "Isn't that the question of life itself, little dhampir?"

I puff out of my cheeks, frustrated in a whole new way. "No," I say. "I'm talking about, what are you doing _here_, as in this very house at this very moment."

Adrian frowns. "Aren't you happy to see me? I came all this way to find my dear dhampir friend, and here she is, turning me away at the flick of a wrist. I might as well just fall to my knees and beg."

"Please don't."

"I'm actually here," says Adrian, "to ask you to join me for an evening walk. I hear those are very romantic."

"They're not," I say. "Besides, I'm not off-duty." As I start to close the door, leaving Adrian with a hurt expression on his face, Vivian steps forward, blocking me from closing the door the rest of the way.

Adrian frowns and turns to look at Vivian, who places one hand on her hip. "Well," she says, "I'm sure we can spare Guardian Hathaway for the rest of the evening."

She says it with such a purr that I cringe inwardly.

"_What?" _I glance between her and Adrian.

Vivian flicks her hand in my direction. "We're fine, Rose. We're leaving in two days, you should enjoy the time you have left with Adrian. . ." She trails off, raising a sharply penciled eyebrow.

"Ivashkov," he finishes for her.

"Of course," Vivian says, spreading the door wider. Cold air sweeps into the foyer and disrupts a stack of papers on a nearby table, sending them in a dance across the floor. She turns to me, putting a red-polished gently on my arm. "Take your time, Rose." She glances sideway at Adrian. "In fact, we don't even need you for the rest of the time here."

I gape at her. "What?"

Adrian smiles brightly. "Just you and me, little dhampir," he says as he holds out his arm for me to take, and I move to accept this notion, but Vivian's hand tightens its grip on my arm and she pulls me backward.

"Just remember we're leaving in a couple of days, Rose."

I nod.

She releases my arm and taps her nails on her hips and says, in a quiet voice that Adrian can't hear, that even _I _can't hear unless I lean in closely, "Now is the time to settle what you left behind." She walks off then, leaving me with a stunned expression, wondering what she could have meant.

What if Wren told her stuff? What if she knows about Dimitri and Julius and all my personal baggage? I glance back over my shoulder, hoping to catch sight of her face one last time and ask her what she means, but she's already gone.

It's as if her words never reached my ears.

It's as if they never even existed in the first place.

* * *

"You're cold."

I glance up to see Adrian staring down at me with an expression of concern etched over his face.

"No, I'm not," I say, adverting my eyes as two Moroi women pass by, smiling at Adrian even though one of them has a toddler plastered to her hip. I narrow my eyes until they slip out of my vision and my face returns to normal.

I shudder and my teeth clack together.

"You _are _cold," Adrian says, and before I can protest, he is shrugging off his coat and wrapping it around my shoulders, a task so small and tiny but worth a lot to me.

"I can't take this," I say, holding out the coat for him to take back.

Adrian shakes his head. "You don't always have to be so stubborn, Rose."

"I'm not stubborn," I snap at him, but he barely seems to notice as we continue walking. Where we are headed, I have no idea, but this seems ideally nice compared to the rest of my life lately.

"Yes, you are," he says, and this time he takes the coat and throws it over my head. I giggle and, despite my stubbornness, I pull his coat closer around me, snuggling in the warmth of it and sparing him a side glance before putting my nose to the fabric and breathing in his scent.

"Vivan was totally checking you out," I say, after we have walked in comfortable silence for a while. Despite the chill in the air and windy weather, it's nice to be outside without having to scan the perimeter or check the shields or watch for Strigoi on the premises.

"She was?" Adrian asks, an underplayed tone of surprise in his voice, added to with a raise of an eyebrow.

I roll my eyes and say, "As if you didn't know!"

"I didn't," says Adrian, shrugging. "I have eyes only for you, little dhampir."

"That's bull," I mutter, but Adrian only shrugs once more and we continue on our walk. After a moment, Adrian opens his mouth to say something, then slowly closes it, cutting off whatever words were about to spill out of his mouth. I tilt my head.

"What?" I ask.

Adrian glances down at me. "What?"

I roll my eyes. "What's on your mind?" I ask.

Adrian sighs. "Here," he says, taking my hand and leading me to a park bench. "Sit." I sit down willingly and he follows suit. The building suspense is oddly suspicious, but I keep my mouth shut in case he decides against whatever he's about to tell me.

"I hate to ruin this little cruise of ours," he says, rubbing his stubbly chin with his hand. I raise both eyebrows and watch as he leans back, arms spread on the back of the bench, and I lean against one of them. "But. . ."

"Out with it, Adrian," I say a little too harshly, and I throw him an apologetic look, but he's not even looking. "Adrian-"

"There's been another Strigoi attack," he whispers so low I can barely hear him.

_"What?" _I'm stunned. It's the only way to explain how I feel in this moment.

"I overheard one of the Queen's guards talking about it. They're trying to keep it under the radar, but-"

I interrupt him again. My hands curl into fists as I ask, "What does that mean?"

Adrian sighs and runs a hand through his unkempt hair. "It's not your fault-"

"Of course it's not my fault," I yell a little too loudly. "How would it be my fault?" He doesn't reply. "Adrian, just tell me what happened or I swear to God I'm leaving." I leave out the part about how I have no idea how to leave on my own will.

"It was ten miles from the academy," he says. "A family of Moroi, they were driving out to the academy because they were enrolling their daughter there. The car wrecked, went into a ditch. The Strigoi came out of nowhere. . . And the family, they were dragged out into woods and-"

I raise my hand. "Stop," I say, my voice shaky and small. I manage to croak out the word two more times. "Stop. Please, stop."

"Rose-"

Tears threaten to fall and I avert my attention back to Adrian. I don't think about a car crash, or broken glass scattered across the pavement. Or blood dripping from the hands of innocent people. "How many?" I ask, trembling in my seat.

"Just the family," he says. "The father, mother, and two kids."

I can't. . . I can't even ask about the children. Two children, just like Lissa and her brother Andre. Just like her family crashed and we all died except for Lissa, until she brought me back.

Now it's happened all over again.

"Rose, I needed to tell you. You deserved to know." Adrian thinks I'm mad at him. I can tell. He thinks I'm angry at him for telling me. But I'm not, I'm just. . . sad.

"Adrian." Tears stream down my cheeks. I'm not sure how that's possible when this dream isn't real, I'm not real. Until I get back into the real world, these tears aren't real. "I can't do this right now," I say to him.

Adrian looks at me with desperate eyes. "Don't do something stupid, Rose." He watches me carefully as I use the wooden beams of the bench to stand up.

"Don't tell me what not to do," I spit at him. I turn my back to him and put a hand over my mouth.

I hear Adrian say, "Okay" and a few other words I don't care to listen to, before I start off at a quick pace, my mind racing, my heart beating. I realize I'm running, my mind barely processing the sound of my boots making contact with the pavement. I can hardly breathe, but not because I'm about to cry. I'm not even sad, actually.

I'm furious.

* * *

"Rose!" Alberta smiles when I storm into the room, obviously not seeing the fire in my eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"What the hell!" I scream, my words echoing in the room. Several guardians exchange looks and start to whisper. I return the favor by giving them dirty looks. I turn back to Alberta. "How dare you not tell me about the Strigoi attack."

"Rose, it's more complicated than that," Alberta starts to say, but I cut her off.

"Who do you think you are?" I scream at her, louder and louder until I feel like my throat is going numb. "I'm a Guardian! I deserve to know when Strigoi's attack, and if you dare say it's because I went through the same damn thing, then I know you don't give a crap about what happens next."

"Calm down," Alberta says in a warning tone.

"Like hell!" I shout. "You say you care about me when you won't even let me be a proper guardian? Who else didn't you tell, huh? Because I'm pretty freaking sure you told everyone EXCEPT ME!"

The kindness that Alberta always had for me was down, exchanged for an angry, tough look. "Who told you that?"

"Why do you care?" I spit at her. "Why should I tell you things when you won't even tell me things?"

Alberta narrows her eyes. "I will not discuss this until you calm down, Hathaway," she barks. She waves her hands and two men guardians stalk over to me, their arm muscles bulging out of their shirts. They stand near Alberta as she takes a step closer and speaks to me in a quiet, collected voice.

"Guardians, Miss Hathaway, do not act this way," she says calmly. "These men will escort you out now. You may come back when you know how to act like a guardian."

"Go to hell," I spit, before the two guys grip my arms and start to pull me out of the room. I shake them off and say, "I can handle myself," before I throw open the door and leave the building.

Adrian is waiting for me when I walk out of the front doors. I take two stairs at a time.

"Go away, Adrian," I say a little too loudly. Passersby stare at me and turn their friends to gossip. I'm tempted to flip them off just for the fun of it, to see their jaws drop and their mouths go yapping to their friends that the Contas' guardian is an unprivileged little girl.

"I told you not to do anything stupid, Rose." He falls into step with me, out of breath

I throw my hands up. "Well, you know me. I don't know how to act properly."

"I could hear you screaming from outside," he whispers as we pass by a group of young Moroi girls and a couple of men who look like they're on business.

"So?" I ask.

"Rose-" he starts.

I skid to a stop. "Look, Adrian. I appreciate you telling me what happened, but from here on out, stay the _hell _away from my business and stay out of my dreams." I cast a side glance at him and realize what I've said. "I'm done." I veer off the sidewalk and between two buildings.

Adrian doesn't follow me.


	31. Chapter Thirty One

**_"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." - Ernest Hemingway _**

Silence.

It's all I hear as I stare out the second-story window of Julius' room, which has become my sanctuary these days. I look down at the pathways, waiting for Adrian to appear out of nowhere, hoping he'll show up to tell me everything's all right, even though I probably hurt his feelings.

The silence is broken when Julius starts to snore. I stand from the chair and walk over to him. He's tossed over on his stomach, one hand dangling off the bed. I nudge it with the toe of my boot.

"Hey," I say. I brush my hand against his forehead. He's no longer feverish, no longer sweating. I believe by now he's returned to normal. "Wake up, Julius."

A grunt is his only reply, and he rolls over in bed, throwing a pillow atop his head. I'm tempted to rip the sheets off him, but instead, I mutter, "I'm taking a shower" and leave him to his own devices for now.

No more babysitting.

I find the guest bath attached to the room Julius is sleeping in, which is just as grand as the rest of the house, and turn the nozzle so lukewarm water pours from the faucet. I strip of my dirty clothes and climb into the shower, shivering when the cold water hits my bare back.

I take the time to think back on all that has happened lately. I leave with the rest of the family for home the day after tomorrow. Until then, I can either face my demons or hide like a little kid in Julius' room. I'm leaning toward the latter for now, but I know eventually I'll have to deal with my problems. Dimitri, Lissa, Adrian. And myself.

Once the water turns freezing, I turn off the shower and wrap myself in a towel. I realize how stupid I was to take a shower here. My clothes are dirty and I don't have clean ones to change into. Dirty underwear, no thank you.

I pace the length of the bathroom, which is pretty long, using another towel to dry my hair, and letting water drip on the tiled floor.

When a knock sounds at the door, I tense. I'm silently pleading in my mind, hoping it's not Vivian or Wren. God, I don't think I could stand another confrontation with Wren.

Another light tap at the door sends me rushing to open it. But before I can, the door swings open and Julius steps inside. He stretches his arms above his head, yawns, and when he opens them, he freezes mid step.

His body is tense, and he stares glassy-eyed at me, his eyes roving my body, from my face to my feet, then back again. There's something in his eyes I cannot discern, but it causes chills down my spine.

I'm frozen, too. Yeah, this has happened before, but this is different. I can't move because his gaze is too piercing, because there's something that doesn't feel right here, feels different, changed. I swallow back a lump in my throat.

"I-" Julius tries to speak, but the words get lost in the air between us.

And then he takes a step toward me, but at that precise moment, there's a knock on the bathroom door. It's like there was some taunt string between and someone just cut it with scissors, because Julius closes his eyes, breathes deeply, and sets the clothes on the country.

"I'll get it," he says. "Just. . . stay here, yeah?"

I don't have the time to reply before he disappears back into the bedroom. In three quick strides, I rush to the door and close it. I lean against it heavily, like I need the support, my legs trembling. I stare at myself in the mirror, and I can't help but admit that I'm a little bit afraid.

I hear hushed whispers through the door, Julius arguing with someone, but who, I don't know. I close my eyes, hoping whoever it is doesn't know I'm in here. No one can get the wrong idea, because nothing happened. Nothing will _ever _happen.

A few minutes pass by and the whispering/arguing finally stops. Another minute or so and a light tap on the door.

"Rose?" Julius' voice penetrates through the door, and my heart skips a beat.

I open the door just a slit, and look through it.

"Hey," he says, giving me a shy, lopsided smile.

"This was stupid," I say. "I shouldn't have taken a shower or anything."

Julius shakes his head. "No, it's cool. If you want, you can wear some of my clothes while I put yours in the washer."

I glance behind my shoulder at the pile of clothes, then back at Julius. "Yeah, sure, that'll work."

I shut the door and gather my clothes, making sure to stuff my underwear deep into one of the legs of my pants. Then I hand them to Julius, and when I'm sure he's gone, I change into the clothes he left on the sink. A black T-shirt too big for me and some boxers. I also fit on my sweater over the T-shirt. I try not to think about it when I exit, but Julius is sitting on the bed. Surprisingly, the bed is made up, and any signs of me and him living here for the past day is gone.

"You look nice in my clothes," he notices, tilting his head to the side.

"Shut up," I snap. I'm so uncomfortable but I really have no idea what else to do.

Julius raises his hands in the air like a surrender. "Just saying."

"Where's my clothes?"

"In the washer, where they should be."

I narrow my eyes and say, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Your clothes were filthy is what it's supposed to mean."

"Oh."

"So what happened?" he asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"With me," he explains.

"Sorry," I murmur. "I should go." I turn to leave, still wiping at my eyes furiously, hoping against hope that Julius didn't see my tears.

"Rose." This time my name isn't a question, more like a statement, and I turn my head to face him.

"Yeah?"

One of his arms rise and he motions for me to come sit. I don't know why, I don't even want to, but my feet start working before my mind does, and I make my way toward the bed. I sit down beside Julius, the bed conforming from my weight, and his arm wraps around me. I lean my head into the crook under his arm and stay there, relieved that there's comfort somewhere.

"What's going on?" he asks in a concerned voice that makes me want to burst into tears all over again. There are so many voices in my head: Dimitri telling me he wants to come back, Wren making threats, Adrian's voice as he tells me about another Strigoi attack, one so gruesome and ugly that I can't even bring it to mind without wanting to throw up. Most of all, Vivian's voice is the one that shines out among all the rest. _Now is the time to settle what you left behind. _

I'm tempted to say what all those voices are telling me to say, but all that comes out is "I'm a horrible guardian."

"No," Julius says, his hand rubbing my arm, his fingers taking the fabric of my shirt between them and rubbing it until I feel the pinch of static on my sweater. "You're not."

I sigh and say, "You have to say that to make me feel better."

"What do you want me to say?" he asks. I feel his breaths in my hair, a tickling sensation against my scalp.

I lean away from him, his arm sliding down and reaching for my hand. Our fingers intertwine and he squeezes tightly, like almost telling me without words that I'm going to be okay, that he's giving me reassurance for all my faults.

"I need you to say the truth," I say, feeling sweat form between our hands. It's hot in here, but I barely notice as I regret the words as I say them. Who knows what truth he holds in his mind.

"Okay," he whispers, rocking back and forth on the bed. Any signs of the Spirit darkness is gone, but I can see the lines of exschaustion in his face, the bags below his eyes. Tired and drained but still helping me with my problems. "You're a horrible guardian," he says. "You're so horrible that people use you for a game of charades."

I laugh lightly, shoving him with my free hand, but his other only grasps mine tighter, and I can't help but smile.

"Your turn," he says. My eyes go wide as he stares at me expectantly. I shake my head and he frowns before releasing my hand and crossing his arms, acting like a stubborn brat of a child and I find myself smiling. I roll my eyes, caving in.

"Okay," I say. I stare at him and narrow my eyes, wondering what the truth is, what I can tell him that is truthful but also doesn't give too much of my life away. I bite my bottom lip, chewing away at the raw skin there and think that if we were to kiss at this very moment, our first kiss would taste like blood. That might not be so bad for Julius.

I stare at him longer, transfixed as I study his face. His dark hair is unkempt, it needs to be cut in several places. It hangs down like a rag doll and I have the urge to brush it aside to see his eyes clearly, his dark long lashes that only guys like him have. "Okay," I say again, realizing what the truth is. "I don't think we should be together."

I blurt it out, almost too fast and too full of emotion, but I watch as Julius processes this, his eyes going wide, his pupils dilated in the darkness of his room. "What?" he says just as he lets out a breath. I gulp back the rock that's blocking my throat and I try not to let out a cry.

"I think our relationship should be strictly professional," I manage to get out. I start to understand what Dimitri meant what he told me that one time. I clasp my hands together and stay silent as Julius continues to process this information.

"Why?" he asks, his voice hard and chilly. A shiver runs up my spine and I try to swallow around the obstacle in my throat.

I take a shaky breath, remembering what Dimitri told me a long time ago. I find the words mentally, in the back of my head, and at first I'm afraid to say them, like Julius will know they aren't really my words, but I tell him anyway, letting it all out at once.

"If it comes down to you and Alexis and a Strigoi, I know you would want me to save Alexis," I say, bringing Adrian's jacket closer around me. I forgot I even had it on, but now I sniff in the scent of clove cigarettes and Adrian's shampoo. "I wouldn't throw myself in front of her, I'd throw myself in front of you."

It makes so much sense to me now, the way Dimitri must have felt when he told me the same words. It rings true in my mind and I feel as if I'm plagarizing an essay that Dimitri wrote for my eyes only.

Julius' eyes cast downward and he gulps, his hand clenching the sheets, balling it in a fist. I start to think he's going to explode again, like he did with the darkness, but after maybe a minute or two or uncomfortable, tense silence, his fist releases the sheets and his hands relax. He glances at me sideways before downing his eyes again, facing the floor.

"I don't think you understand what's happening to you," I say, grabbing his hand and rubbing it between my own to keep them warm.

Julius scoffs. "Yeah, I do. I'm a monster."

"You're not a monster," I say.

"Yes I am." Julius leans back, pushing his hair out of his face. "I'm a monster, Rosemarie. You might not see it, but I can feel it inside of me."

"Which is why you need help," I tell him. I reach out for him, but he just brushes away my hand. I know I can't take back my words about keeping our relationship professional, but that doesn't mean I can't be a good friend in the meantime.

"Doctors won't help," he says. "No one can."

"I know people who can."

Julius' head snaps up and he stares at me. "What?" There are a million questions in his eyes, and I know once I say it I can't take it back.

"There are other Spirit-users," I explain. "They'll understand what's going on with you better than I ever could." Which is a sort of a lie, considering I'm connected to Lissa and I feel the same side-effects of being a Spirit-user just as Adrian and Julius do.

There's a ringing through the house, and Julius stands up. "I think that's the washing machine. Your clothes are ready."

I stand up, wrapping my arms tighter around myself, and reach my hand down, urging Julius to take it. He looks up and I see the question in his eyes.

"Come on," I say, nudging my head in the direction of the door. "I need my clothes first, but I have someone I want you to meet."


End file.
